Hindman Park Golf Course/DFL

Ed and I played Hindman Park Golf Course this morning. Ed scored 90, and I scored 95, with nine of 45 and 50. I had 3 pars, 8 bogies, 6 doubles, and 1 triple, and used 36 putts.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers held on to defeat the Complete Sellouts, 105.75-98.40. We're 5-3 and in sixth place (six teams make the playoffs) with five games to play. The NFL Packers lost a heartbreaker in Los Angeles to the Rams, 29-27.

Levy Trail North/DFL

I walked Levy Trail North this afternoon in 31:30.
My Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers have set me up for another Monday Night heartbreak. We lead the Complete Sellouts, 115.75-93.11. We're done, and the Sellouts have New England tight end Rob Gronkowski and some piece-of-shit defensive player who are projected to score a combined 13.66 points, so we should win easily. Nevertheless, I don't feel good.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Has anyone ever looked forward to all-you-eat breadsticks at Olive Garden ("I understand. Their food tastes as if they brought it over from the frozen-food section, but who doesn't love breadsticks?")?

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 32:58.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Did one motherfucker stay up for the LA Dodger's 2-1 18-inning Game 3 World Series victory over the Boston Red Cocks late this morning?  Some douche named Mike Muncy hit the game-winning home run at roughly 2:55 a.m. Central. Jo and Pete left nearly an hour earlier after the 16th. Jo might've made it had Rock not turned the TV off.

Levy Trail Loop/

I walked the Levy Trail Loop at lunchtime Friday in 32:33.

OVERHEARD
"Aaron Rodgers just pulled a rabbit out of his head."
—ESPN Monday Night Football analyst Jason Witten after Rodgers directed the Green Bay Packers to a 33-30 comeback victory over the San Francisco 49ers on October 15. I'm not sure why I waited so long to report this

War Memorial Golf Course

Poor War Memorial Golf Course. The Razorbacks played at War Memorial Stadium a week ago last Saturday. Cars have always parked on the golf course for the game, which is bad enough, but under ordinary circumstances the damage is minimal. A week ago last Saturday, it rained Friday night and all day and night Saturday. Cars literally sunk into fairways on the course. It's butchered. It was closed all last week. It opened this morning, but it still looks like hell, with significant damage to fairways on holes Nos. 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, and 18, so to most of the formerly lovely course. I'm not sure how long it will take it to recover.
John, Ed, and I played it today. Ed shot 82. I shot 90, and John stopped after 12 holes. I had nines of 43 and 47 and used 34 putts.

Levy Trail North/Hindman Park Golf CourseDFL

I walked Levy Trail North this morning in 32:10.
This afternoon, I played Hindman Park by myself in 88, with nines of 40 and 48. I had 6 pars, 8 bogies, 3 doubles, and 1 triple. I used 36 putts. I hit the first three greens in regulation, four of the first five, and six total on the front nine. Obviously, I was thinking about the possibility of breaking 80, which would be just my luck, to do so without one or more witnesses. Thank god I kind of fell apart on the back. In fact, after playing the front in 4-over, I played No. 10 in 3-over. The round took me three hours, nine minutes.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers buckled offensively on Monday Night Football to allow the Cavemen to hold on for a 105.95-103.83 victory. The Packers fall to 4-3 to drop in the overall DFL standings from second to sixth. However, we have the fourth highest points total, which means that, on average, we would outscore ten of the league's fourteen teams. We have had two consecutive Monday Night losses that came down to the final seconds.

Levy Trail 5K

I jogged for one minute of each five and otherwise walked the Levy Trail 5K right after Gunsmoke today in 43:12. I went through three miles in 41:46, with splits of 14:17, 13:35, and 13:54.
Here's an email I sent Jeff Krupsaw this morning that might help explain my obsession with fantasy football, now in its 22nd season: Hi Krup,

I noticed this morning that the Green Bay Packers-Cavemen game isn't the only that hinges on the results of Monday Night Football. Your SchwarBears and the Trojan Men are in deep, too.

To me, this is when fantasy football is the most fun. I need Ryan to throw a bunch of passes to a shitty tight end and an injured secondary wideout, which, of course, is the last thing you want, being a Julio Jones owner and all. On the other hand, the last thing the Trojan Men need is for Ryan to throw a bunch of passes to Jones.

Anyway, it's great that I know at least four people, including the two of us, who care a great deal about a game between teams with records of 2-4 and 1-5.

Bears Loop

CONWAY—These days, whether you're a college girl or a middle-aged sportswriter, you have to remain paranoid every minute of every day, no matter what.
I still haven't figured out this Bears Loop (named after two Bears, the Hall of Fame golfer from Ohio and a dead dog from south Texas). Today, my attempt was foiled by a pretty coed and contemporary western civilization's insistence that we panic, act rashly, and generally go ape-shit in order to remain safe no matter what, in this case on a trail out on the Jewel Moore Nature Preserve.
There are at least three marked entries to the trails, and after entering near the middle, I decided to start by walking to the main entrance and then back. However, about twenty yards from the main entryway, a lovely coed walked into the preserve. She smiled at me without so much as a hint of provocation and said something like hi or hello, and my plan to turn back around was thwarted. To have done so would've put exactly two people in a rather large nature area—one a 20-year-old woman and the other a 59-year-old man following the former by less than half a football field. To avoid the possibility that I would have scared her close to death and perhaps had the police called on me two hours before kickoff, I just walked on back to and around the crowded campus for a total of 1:09:17.
This is why I prefer to watch football on TV in Levy with no one else around.

Hindman Park Golf Course

John, Ed, and I play Hindman Park Golf Course this morning and early afternoon. Ed scored 88 and John 98. I scored 92 with nines of 46 and 46. I had 4 pars, 8 bogies, and 6 doubles, and used 33 putts.

Hindman Park Golf Course

John, Ed, and I played Hindman Park Golf Course this morning and early afternoon. I scored 91, Ed 98, and John 101. I had nines of 46 and 45, with 3 pars, 12 bogies, 2 doubles, and 1 triple. I used 35 putts. Most notably, I bogeyed Nos. 9 and 18 at fucking Hindman. I'm pretty sure no one has ever done that before and that they plan to build a statue of me.

Levy Loop/DFL

I walked the Levy Loop late this afternoon in 33:01.
The DFL Green Bay Packers remain in second place after a 149.18-138.82 loss to The Get Down Boys. We're 4-2. The NFL Green BayPackers are 3-2-1 after their 33-30 victory over the San Francisco 49ers.

Levy Trail 5K

I jogged just a little bit but mostly walked the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 47:42. I went through three miles in 46:01.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "To love America is to love all Americans," because the idea that I have to love Justin Bieber, the Kardashians, President Trump, Stephen Colbert, Michael Strahan, and Alyssa Mastromonaco in order to love America strikes me as fucking insane

Hindman Park Golf Course

John, Ed, Steve Grace, and I played Hindman Park Golf Course this morning. Steve scored 79, Ed 90, and John 104. I scored 98 with nines of 47 and 51. I had 1 par 11 bogies, 4 doubles, 1 triple, and 1 hypoglycemic quadruple, and used 33 putts.

Levy Trail South/Hindman Park Golf Course

I walked Levy Trail South this morning in 34:02.
This afternoon, after I practiced chips and pitches at Hindman Park Golf Course, I played Holes 1-2 and 18 from the red tees with two sand wedges, a 60° wedge, and a putter, in 6, 7, and 6, or six-over. So, I had 3 doubles and used 5 putts. That was fun and should help my short game when we play the whole course tomorrow morning. I might try a similar practice session at War Memorial.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
How is it possible that I listened to one hour and nine minutes of Hurricane Michael coverage on National Public Radio today without one motherfucker so much as mentioning climate change? How is that fucking possible? Did someone decide to rank human welfare above politics?

OVERHEARD
"Are you worried about what you might find?"
—National Public Radio host Robin Young to someone digging through Hurricane Michael rubble after, I guess, she had just fucking run out of anything else to ask: "Oh, you know, dead babies and that sort of thing, Robin, but, you know, fuck. You never know what you're gonna get out here."

War Memorial Golf Course

John, Ed, and I played War Memorial Golf Course this morning. I scored 86, Ed 87, and John 98. I used 33 putts and had 2 pars, 11 bogies, 4 doubles, and 1 triple.

War Memorial Golf Course

John and I played War Memorial Golf Course this morning. I scored 90 and John 94. I had nines of 45 and 45 and used 38 putts. My putting was awful. I had six three-putts, including three in a row, from 15-17. I had 1 birdie (with a circa 50-foot putt on No. 11), 1 par, 8 bogies, 6 doubles, 1 triple, and 1 quadruple.

Start-finish line/DFL

WILLIAMS JUNCTION—I walked a little over a mile from the start-finish line of the Arkansas Traveller 100-Miler and then walked most of the way back with some guy from West Virginia late this morning. I was out for 41:14.
The DFL Green Bay Packers defeated the 546 Posse, 134.88-118.86, to improve to 4-1. The standings don't get updated until Tuesday morning, but I think we're in second place in our 14-team lead. Though Aaron Rodgers had a big game for us, his and my team, the NFL Packers, lost to the fucking piece-of-shit Detroit Lions, 31-23.

Powerline

JESSIEVILLE—I walked out and back from the Powerline aid station toward the Copperhead aid station for a total of 59:02 late Saturday morning on the Ouachita Trail 100-Miler course.

War Memorial Golf Course

Ed and I played War Memorial Golf Course this morning. I scored 85 and Ed 89. I had nines of 44 and 41, with 4 pars, 8 bogies, 5 doubles, and 1 triple. I used 34 putts. We weren't trying to play fast, but we got through in 3 hours, 18 minutes.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...myself after having watched ten minutes of Jameela Jamil, the most self-righteous person to have yet lived. I accidentally turned on Amanpour & Company and now simply can't turn away from such a pure version of pomposity. Jesus. She's right up there with Alyssa Mastromonaco

OVERHEARD
"Who didn't grope a girl when they were in high school?"
—dipshit father of a golfer in the Class 6A Tournament on Monday. His comment came completely out the blue. I wish I had known him well enough to say, "My best guess is almost everyone out here except you, and maybe your son."

Levy Trail South

I walked a kind of modified Levy Trail South this morning in 34:12. I'm not sure, of course, but I think I covered a little bit over two miles. The modification involved a dead battery and a walk back and forth between here and O'Reilly's Auto Parts.

Long Hills Country Club/DFL

CABOT—I walked 18 holes of Long Hills Country Club today, so I guess I went about three miles. It was good work, particularly considering how hot it was. I was out there to report on the 6A Boys State Golf Tournament.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers defeated the Trojan Men, 121.00-90.90. We're 3-1 and currently in fourth place (though, based on total points scored, we are the ninth best of fourteen teams).