Ghetto Cat Loop

To help build an appetite for Jill Krupsaw's Thanksgiving dinner, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this afternoon in about 34 minutes.*

QUESTION OF THE DAY
If turkey is so good, why do we only eat it twice a year? It's too bad the fucking Indians didn't bring the fucking Pilgrims a few goddamn chickens. Instead, we sentimental motherfuckers have spent the last four-hundred years trying to make turkeys taste as good as chickens. People have tried everything. They inject them with whatever they can think of, cook them upside down, coat them with butter and entire fucking spice wracks, fucking clean out the refrigerator so they can brine them for a week and a half; they, no shit, burn down their houses trying to deep-fat fry them in goddamn barrels, and still, they're not half as good as chickens cooked any way anyone can name.
Think about it. What's the last chain of turkey restaurants you've heard of? When's the last time you saw an advertisement for an all-you-can-eat buffet in or during which anyone so much as fucking mentioned turkey? Have you ever seen turkey on a non-holiday related menu anywhere, ever?
Fuck turkey.
And, please, don't get me started on cranberry sauce, stuffing, tomato aspic, or giblet gravy.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who counters today's question of the day with, "I eat turkey sandwiches all year round." Cleary, fucking clearly, that's not even close to what I'm talking about, so that person gets stabbed for somehow categorizing processed, packaged sandwich meat with the leather-and-rubber bird that gets pulled out of ovens all across America two fucking days a year

*the battery in my Timex® burned out this morning