Maumelle Walmart Supercenter

I walked through the Maumelle Supercenter and to the nearby Dollar Tree and back to my car this evening for a total of 42:16.

34th Street Loop/War Memorial Golf Course

I walked the three-mile version of the 34th Street Loop this morning in 47:57. I planned to cover the entire five miles but felt a bit dead-legged. John Czarnecki, Ed Pennington and I plan to play War Memorial Golf Course this afternoon, and I don't want fatigue to limit me.
Fatigue was only a bit of a problem. Hypoglycemia hammered me more quickly and as severely as it ever has during a golf round. We played War Memorial. Ed scored 95. I scored 98, and John 107. I had nines of 44 and 54 and used 40 putts. I had a five-hole stretch on the back during which I was 18-over par. During those five holes, I hit two balls into traffic, swung and missed twice, and used 14 putts. I had a four-putt.
We, nevertheless, had a hoot. I'm still laughing.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Didn't everyone always know that Garrison Keillor was a groper?*
*Pam's Boy predicts that Jimmy Kimmel and Ron Howard go down by dinnertime tomorrow, and next up it'll be Al Roker, followed by PBS's Judy Woodruff

River Trail/War Memorial Golf Course/DFL

Several other Geezers and I walked from the Burns Park Golf Course Parking lot to the skate park and back on the River Trail this morning in 1:17:46.
Late this afternoon, I played nine holes at War Memorial Golf Course in 43, with 1 par, 7 bogies, and 1 triple. I used 16 putts. I played Nos. 4-12, a stretch of nine that has a par of 33, one more than either the front or back nines.
The NFL Packers lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, 31-28, on a last-second 53-yard field goal. The DFL Packers beat the Sherwood Shigellas, 111.17-64.42 and will make the playoffs if they win and the Complete Sellouts and Last Chance FUs lose. There are several other routes that are too complex to bother with here.

Lakewood Lake No. 2

Six other Geezers and I walked through the neighborhoods near Lakewood Lake No. 2 this morning for 1:28:40. This trek included a walk up Snake Hill.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
From January through October, going back forever, how many people have said anything at all like, "You know what, I'm hungry for a big slice of turkey breast."*
*Pam's Boy is putting the over-under—all-time history of the earth—at two

War Memorial Golf Course

Man, I was about to go out for a walk but decided, out of the blue, to golf instead. I played the front nine at War Memorial Golf Course, right into the heart of dusk, in 44, with 3 pars, 4 bogies, 1 double, and 1 quadruple. I used 16 putts.
With unlimited golf available for $325 a year, it's hard for me to understand why everyone doesn't retire in the greater Levy metropolitan area.
It looks as if the DFL Green Bay Packers will win to go to 6-6. I'm not sure, but I think they will need a miracle on par with the parting of the goddamn Red Sea to make the playoffs. In an hour and a half, I will watch the NFL Green Bay Packers get killed in Pittsburgh by the Steelers.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop late this afternoon in 32:50.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY
Central Arkansas Bears Coach Steve Campbell looks for offensive linemen who understand the practical application of weapons of mass destruction.

Cooks Landing Loop/Joe T. Robinson

Six other Geezers and I walked Cooks Landing Loop this morning in about 2:11. Elaine's watch said we went 6.96 miles.
This evening, before Joe T. Robinson advanced to the Class 4A state football semifinals with a 38-14 victory over Gosnell, I walked for about forty minutes around the campus.

Ghetto Cat Loop

To help build an appetite for Jill Krupsaw's Thanksgiving dinner, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this afternoon in about 34 minutes.*

QUESTION OF THE DAY
If turkey is so good, why do we only eat it twice a year? It's too bad the fucking Indians didn't bring the fucking Pilgrims a few goddamn chickens. Instead, we sentimental motherfuckers have spent the last four-hundred years trying to make turkeys taste as good as chickens. People have tried everything. They inject them with whatever they can think of, cook them upside down, coat them with butter and entire fucking spice wracks, fucking clean out the refrigerator so they can brine them for a week and a half; they, no shit, burn down their houses trying to deep-fat fry them in goddamn barrels, and still, they're not half as good as chickens cooked any way anyone can name.
Think about it. What's the last chain of turkey restaurants you've heard of? When's the last time you saw an advertisement for an all-you-can-eat buffet in or during which anyone so much as fucking mentioned turkey? Have you ever seen turkey on a non-holiday related menu anywhere, ever?
Fuck turkey.
And, please, don't get me started on cranberry sauce, stuffing, tomato aspic, or giblet gravy.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who counters today's question of the day with, "I eat turkey sandwiches all year round." Cleary, fucking clearly, that's not even close to what I'm talking about, so that person gets stabbed for somehow categorizing processed, packaged sandwich meat with the leather-and-rubber bird that gets pulled out of ovens all across America two fucking days a year

*the battery in my Timex® burned out this morning

River Trail/Levy Loop

Five other Geezers and I walked from Burns Park Golf Course to the skate park and back this morning in 1:22:37.
I walked the Levy Loop late this afternoon in 32:21.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Has one person, one motherfucker in the history of the world, ever wanted someone to ask them to announce to a room full of people what they were thankful for?

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South this afternoon in 34:29.
The DFL Green Bay Packers broke their five-game losing streak with a 112.58-86.45 victory over the Ratpackers. Both the DFL and NFL Packers are now 5-6. Neither team has a chance worth a fuck to make the playoffs. We'll see.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North at about eight this morning in 35:02.

River Trail

I walked for 58:22 this morning from Cook's Landing along the River Trail, an adjacent bike trail, and quite a bit on a dirt bike and hiking trail between the two. I probably went about three and a quarter miles.

UCA

CONWAY—I walked for 41:57 around the UCA campus and Estes Stadium this afternoon before the Bears' game with Abilene Christian.

OVERHEARD
"Their offensive line is weak. Their running game is weak. Anywhere you look, they're weak."
—fat old man at the Hays Senior Center talking about the Razorbacks

PARAGRAPHS OF THE DAY*

A rare exception to UCA’s workmanlike approach to the game came early. On the second play from scrimmage, at 2nd-and-13 from the UCA 22, Hildebrand faked a handoff to freshman Kierre Crossley and looked to see senior slot receiver Brandon Cox run clear of junior safety Brandon Richmond. Hildebrand’s upwind pass hit Cox in full stride, 40 yards downfield, and Cox maintained his five-yard gap on Richmond to the end zone. The 78-yard play gave UCA a 7-0 lead with less than a minute gone in the game.

“I don’t think they really expected us to take a deep shot into the wind that quick,” Hildebrand said. “It caught them off guard, and luckily I threw it just far enough for Brandon to get it.”

*before tonight, I don't believe I had ever so much as said the word workmanlike. I had to look it up to see whether or not there were hyphens involved

Joe T. Robinson

Before Joe T. Robinson High beat the fuck out of Dardanelle High out a bit past the Chenal-Highway 10 WalMart Super Center where I once tried to buy a temporary fishing license for an Asian-looking woman, I walked for 37:14 around the Robinson campus.
By the way, the answer to yesterday's question of the day was Jameis Winston, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback who once was arrested for stealing crab legs from a Publix in Tallahassee about two weeks after he won the fucking Heisman Trophy. The NFL is investigating reports that he groped an Uber driver.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
When did grope become a common English word?

38th Street Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with two-minute walks to complete the 38th Street Loop this evening in 29:44.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Who will be the next celebrity accused of groping women?*
*we at Pam's Boy are throwing Oprah Winfrey's name into the imaginary jar (that once contained pickled hard-boiled eggs)

Hindman Park Golf Course

John Czarnecki, Ed Pennington, and I played the back nine at Hindman Park Golf Course this morning. It started to rain on No.12. Within a hole or two, it began to rain hard and did not quit until I was about half-way home. John scored 51. I scored 53 and Ed 54. I played Nos. 10, 11, and 18 in a total of 13-over and the other six holes in 4-over. I used 12 putts, which might be my fewest ever for nine holes. I had six consecutive one-putts.

My swing is out of whack. My plan now is to not play until two weeks from today.

Ghetto Cat Loop/DFL

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning 34:16.
This afternoon I golfed for a little over an hour at War Memorial Golf Course. I think I worked a couple of things out. We'll see tomorrow.
For the first time this season, the outcomes differed for the NFL and DFL Green Bay Packers. The NFL team defeated the Shitcago Bears. The DFL Packers lost to the team formerly known as Krup's Kids, 104.42-95.45

War Memorial Golf Course

This was one of those weird golf days during which it seemed as if I had never played. Ed Pennington and I played War Memorial Golf Course. Ed scored 78. I scored 109. My best cure for those sorts of rounds has been to take at least a couple of weeks off. Unfortunately, I have already committed to a round at Hindman Park on Wednesday.

UALR

Before I wrote a story for the paper about the UALR women's 86-57 victory over Memphis at the Jack Stephens Center (the place over by the Krupsaw's) this afternoon, I walked for 42:45 through and around the UALR campus, which looks great, much lovelier than during my student years.
By the way, UALR's first-year junior forward Yanina Inkina bubbles over with pete-prettiness. She's a 6-2 blonde from Minsk, Belarus, who plays for the Belarusian national team. I interviewed her after the game and figure at least half of UALR's students, faculty, and staff already have a thing for her.

OVERHEARD
“I’m really glad that I came here. It’s a good school with a good basketball program, and I know for sure that Coach Foley is going to help me to be a better player.”

—UALR basketball player Yanina Inkina

War Memorial Golf Course

John Czarnecki, Ed Pennington, and I played War Memorial Golf Course this morning. Ed scored 83. I scored 89, and John 97. I had nines of 45 and 44 and used 33 putts.

Levy Loop/DFL

I walked the Levy Loop this evening in 34:12.
This Aaron Rodgers shit works both ways. Following his season-ending injury, the NFL and DFL Green Bay Packers have lost four consecutive games to fall to 4-5. Both teams turned from championship contenders to fucking dog turds.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Do you think people will, at last, begin to recognize Bill Cosby as one of the great trendsetters in entertainment history?

War Memorial Golf Course

John Czarnecki, Ed Pennington, and I played War Memorial Golf Course this morning and afternoon. It was dark gray, cold, and a bit rainy. Ed and I scored 87 and John 101. I had nines of 42 and 45, with 5 pars, 6 bogies, 4 doubles, and 3 triples. I used 32 putts.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Is there no limit to the length of the abbreviation that categorizes gender and sexual-choice minorities? I heard a woman on National Public Radio this afternoon as she spoke of "...members of the LGBTQIAPK community." I'm not making that up.

UCA

CONWAY — I interviewed two football players and two coaches today and then walked all the heck over the UCA campus and into of an adjacent neighborhood for somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 minutes.

War Memorial Golf Course/DFL

It felt like a British Open. Ed Pennington and I played War Memorial Golf Course late this morning and early afternoon through cool mist and wind. Ed scored an 86. I scored 92, with nines of 45 and 47. I had 3 pars, 6 bogies, 5 doubles, 4 triples, and used 33 putts. I pitched poorly today, pulled two long shots, and had two shanks. On the bright side, I hit five drives and they traveled between 210 and 240 yards, something missing from my game for several years until recently.
In late July, on No. 7 at War Memorial, something clicked that returned reasonable distance to my shots. I think it was on July 24. I took a big ol' easy fluid practice swing and thought I had found it. I then hit a 200-yard three-wood that caused Ed, John, and Tim to say holy fuck or the equivalent. John said it was the farthest he had seen me hit a shot. I have hit full shots with my driver and fairway woods similar to that since, each after having gone the previous five years hitting 180-yard drives and 150-yard three-woods at best. For the last three and a half months, I finally have the distance to hit every green in regulation on any reasonable course.
I have one DFL player going tonight, Green Bay wide receiver Devante Adams. We trail Big Ballers, 93.54-75.82. I will need a big game to win. Adams needs somewhere in the neighborhood of six catches for 100 yards and one touchdown. That would give me eighteen points. I need 17.72. He gives games like that about twice a season, so I have right at a 12.5 percent chance to win, which is enough to make me watch, particularly since the Packers are going all the way around in this one.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Since the hero of the Texas church massacre used the same kind of gun as the villain, who wins? (and go ahead and fuck the dead people. These conservatives and liberals don't care about them or, as always, anything other than whatever result supports their ideologies) From my perspective here in Levy, the NRA's gotta be doing backflips, don't you think?

Arkansas Tech

RUSSELLVILLE—Shortly after watching Arkansas Tech beat the cow fuck out of Southeastern Oklahoma State, I walked around the Tech campus a bit and then to the former Aikman house, where I spent probably half of my junior high and high school life, where Aunt Jean fried some of the best chicken ever fried and Uncle Bob made hot tamales and boiled shrimp and crawfish that combined to highlight the culinary wonder of my youth. I was out for 39:51. I don't speak much about Bob's tamales, but they were by far the best I have ever tasted. I mean, much, much better than any other tamale, which to me are in general a kind of ordinary, somewhat bland thing. The recipe remains in the family. My cousin Crutch said he has made them a few times. They, however, take literally hours to prepare. In the heart of the depression, my maternal grandfather, who had also mastered the recipe, turned down an opportunity to make them for a restaurant in Nashville. Granny told me years ago that the extra money he was offered would have made a significant difference, but that Pop said, to paraphrase, "Fuck it. No way. I don't care how much we can make. I'm not spending the rest of my life rolling up goddamn tamales."

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY
Why is it that people have won Pulitzer Prizes for news photographs taken with cell phones but that the results of photographs of people robbing banks are invariably as blurry as two motherfuckers? Don't banks have enough money to buy cameras worth a fuck?

War Memorial Golf Course

The only thing that could make a day like today any better is a good girlfriend, though only by a little. I played War Memorial Golf Course this afternoon and early evening with John Czarnecki and Ed Pennington. I scored a 78, with nines of 37 and 41. John scored 93. Ed had to quit after 12 holes. He went through nine in 42 and played the next three holes in 2-over. I had 2 birdies, 5 pars, 7 bogies, 3 doubles, 1 triple, and used 31 putts. Both birdies rolled within inches of going in for holes-in-one.
After all that, I walked into my house about a half hour before the first pitch of Game 7.