Alsopp Park Loop

I walked a loop from Alsopp Park with the Geezers this morning in 1:06:47. It was very hilly. Too hilly. Most of the watches and pocket phones said we went about 3.6 miles.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Elsie considered the house hers, and Seale let her. Left to him, he knew it would be a dump and certainly not in a neighborhood like this one in Webster Groves. Decor wasn’t a word he knew until he went with Elsie to her parent’s house in Mobile for a week between his junior and senior years at Troy State and hers at Huntingdon College in Montgomery. Elsie told him it was eighteen-thousand square feet, which meant nothing to Seale. All he knew was that it was big enough to get lost in and that the whole time he was there he was afraid he might break something. Now, nearly forty years later, he lived in a house very much like it, minus about twelve-thousand square feet, where his only duties were to build fires in the winter and wipe up whatever he spilled.

St. Margaret's Loop/DFL

We Geezers walked a 6.3-mile loop from St. Margaret's Episcopal Church way the fuck out in west Little Rock this morning in 1:54:45.
The Fat Chicks defeated the Green Bay Packers, 110.38-89.81, to win the 2015 Cooper Bowl. The Packers are now 1-4 in Copper Bowl appearances. This was far and away my least disappointing performance. My battered team has run on fumes since mid-October.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Karen knew she’d made the right choice the moment she saw Candy’s Fine Bar B-Q. Its large parking lot was packed. The restaurant was housed in a long, white building, and a row of smoked-stained windows stretched its length and combined with florescent lights to expose a festive, dingy interior. It was fifty yards off Madison Avenue in Granite City, Illinois, just across the river from St. Louis, and though Karen’s car was separated from it by sixty feet of wind, she could smell barbecue sauce and smoked meat. “Tell your dad we’ve found heaven,” Keith said. “It’s right here in Granite City.”

Hardcastle Loop/DFL

Man, it's miserable here. Cold and wet and windier than two motherfuckers. I walked the Hardcastle Loop this morning in 46:14.
It will take a lot for the DFL Packers to win the Cooper Bowl. With Monday Night Football to go, we trail the Fat Chicks, 97.03-81.60. Walt has a receiver who will play tonight for the Cincinnati Bengals. I have a receiver going for the Denver Broncos and a defensive back for Cincinnati. Yahoo® projects that Green Bay has a 23% chance of winning, which I would say is about right.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

“I guess. I ain’t complainin. Hell, you know the truth about this game. You cain’t win, because even when you do, you fuss that you didn’t bet ‘em right.” Keith watched his boss take a long drink of beer and thought he fit almost perfectly in this cavernous, dimly lighted, unpretentiously glorious hanger of a room. “Here’s something you need to know. They’s more people wantin you on they TV shows. All of them mornin programs, they all still want you. I think I told you that. And shit, you ain’t gonna believe this. I got a call last night, on goddang Thanksgivin, from Don Hewitt. Fuckin Don Hewitt. Do you know who he is?”

Maple Street Loop/DFL

I walked the Maple Street Loop through fairly cold rain this morning in 30:19. Seventeen minutes into the 2015 Cooper Bowl, the Green Bay Packers lead the Fat Chicks, 22.70-17.70, and are projected by Yahoo® to win, 117.46-96.74.*
*every Democrat Football League owner knows these projections are routinely ass backward.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Green was alone. He listened to the traffic, wind whistling through the building's gutters, and echoes of Lardner’s doubts. He had dared not concede his own. He believed, or hoped, they were minimal, and perhaps merely composed from the residue of Lardner’s. He knew he wanted to believe Keith was what he claimed, because from the night he first watched and heard him on television, he had imagined him capable of significant contributions, perhaps nearly perfect for their cause. He knew that the idea of equality for homosexuals was scarcely considered by anyone outside of the gay community. A few liberals offered sympathy, but those capable of instituting change in politics and the courts were forever aware of their constituencies and the consequential accountability that demanded their caution. The trick then for Green and SAGA, as was always the case in these sorts of matters, was for someone or something to convince the public that change was right and necessary and in its interest and was furthermore, at best, its idea. Green thought Keith seemed like a man equipped to carry and deliver the messages needed for that end and to reveal their truth to anyone who watched him. Indeed, Keith seemed like an ideal candidate for political office, one capable of making a legitimate run, an almost unthinkable rarity in the gay and lesbian community. Green had already begun to daydream.  He could wait for this weekend to pass, but he knew the virtue of patience was easily mishandled. After all, he had once patiently watched men destroy his career. Now was the time to gather his resources, and Green suspected Keith Ingram was among them. He would call him again on Monday.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 48:38. At 3:24 p.m., it's 77°F in Levy. On the day after fucking Christmas. I'm thinking about buying a boat and water skiing this afternoon. I might go for a picnic. I'll bring a Slip N Slide® for the kids, you know, if it doesn't get too hot out.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Keith had not known what to expect from this meeting. Karen said that Green and Lardner might ask him to help as a volunteer for SAGA, but he suspected considerably more would be proposed. Surely no organization would send its founder and leader halfway across the country to secure someone to hand out pamphlets or assist with rallies, and indeed as Green spoke Keith detected a tone of  request, an undertow of practiced persuasion. Green began by telling a story Keith had not heard or had forgotten, he wasn’t at first sure which, but to hear of the Stonewall riots rung a bell from somewhere, and as Green continued, a vague memory returned and began to grow until Keith was taken back to one of the many unimaginable scenes featured on television and in the newspapers during his college days of the late 1960s. Green told Keith that he had become an activist in the gay movement as a direct result of  one night in New York’s Greenwich Village near the Stonewall Inn. “Thousands joined us after that night, or that weekend,” Green said. “I believe Stonewall started all of this. It’s funny, because a lot of people have forgotten about it or were barely aware of it in the first place.”

Cooks Landing

I walked out for thirty minutes from Cooks Landing on the River Trail and back for a total of 59:07. At 9:50 a.m., it's 56°F in Levy, same as in San Diego at 7:50 a.m. Suddenly I'm all in for climate change. I plan to discharge cans of aerosol hairspray for the rest of the day.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
Cam flicked a palm through the colt’s mane and in an urgent blur pulled the reins taught, and as suddenly as the colt had soared upward, his panic dispersed. He sauntered forward easily, and laughter from the men by the gate punctuated the moment. Keith noticed a smudge of icy mud on Cam’s cheek as she sighed and reached to pet the colt. She turned to Keith and tried to brush away the mud but smeared it into a coarse stripe across her cheek. “This guy’s a handful,” Cam said.

“I guess so. That was beautiful.”

The colt walked in a loop and carried Cam’s face close enough that Keith could see that her nose had begun to run. “Are you seeing anybody?” Cam said.

“Do what?” Keith wasn’t sure what she meant but felt hope flutter in his chest. “Am I seeing anyone?”

“I mean, are you dating anyone? Do you have a girlfriend?” Cam smiled and reached to wipe her nose. Keith would never forget.
“Well, I guess I do now,” he said.  “What would you like to do tonight?”

OVERHEARD
"Tennessee Williams might be a fine playwright, but that's a terrible place to keep a cat."
—Gracie Allen, from The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show on Antenna TV Network

Levy Loop/DFL

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 30:58 as a warmup for a Christmas Eve trip to Nashville.
It's hard to explain, but the Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers are currently favored to beat the Fat Chicks, 114.89-103.07.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
As he drove toward Karen’s, fifteen minutes away, Keith remembered when he would’ve daydreamed for weeks about anyone like the makeup girl, back when times were nothing like this, before he began to live his lies on national television. He wondered how much longer this could go on. He knew he would have to find an escape. Bill Seale and Karen would laugh years later when they reminded him of the scenario he created in which he parachuted like D.B. Cooper from his flight to New York.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South tonight in 32:54. It's warmer than Florida here. This, for my money, is what global warming is all about.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
The makeup girl stepped up and brushed more powder across Keith’s nose. He watched her reach to sweep blonde bangs from her eyes. She winked, and in that moment he recognized her as someone long familiar with these matters, perfectly at ease with them. It seemed as if her job was to request he dismiss his concern. “Don’t worry,” she said. “You’ll be fine.”

Two Rivers Park/DFL

We Geezers walked through Two Rivers Park this morning for 1:31:30. The group consisted of 15 people, by far a record turnout.
In a great upset, the DFL Green Bay Packers defeated the Complete Sellouts, 98.87-91.02. It was the first time this season that the Sellouts scored fewer than 100 points. We advance to our fifth Cooper Bowl and our fourth in the last five seasons. We will play Walt Webb's Fat Chicks.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Bill Seale’s desk looked like most newspapermen’s, covered with piles of old mail and press releases and spiral notebooks, at least a dozen disheveled and tattered yellow legal pads, and a scattering of books and cheap ballpoint pens. Only a word processor emerged from the debris. Wedged in front of Seale’s large, soft leather chair were two square feet of work space that accommodated a keyboard and telephone. Dozens of prizes decorated the walls. His Pulitzer hung between a community service plaque awarded by the Girl Scouts and Seale’s diploma from Troy State Teacher’s College.

Levy Trail North/DFL

It's wet, soggy, and cold this morning. I walked Levy Trail North in 32:06.
The DFL Green Bay Packers lead the Complete Sellouts, 89.38-88.79. We have a defensive player and a running back going in Monday Night Football. The Sellouts have a wide receiver. Yahoo® projects that we will win, 105.00-103.74, but I'm more skeptical than two motherfuckers. The NFL Green Bay Packers defeated the Oakland Raiders, 30-20, to assure themselves a place in the playoffs.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet

Karen took the roll from Keith, tore off a sheet and dropped it in her lap. “Well, to tell you the truth, it’s pretty simple,” she said. “All you have to do is remember these three things. First, get the best ingredients you can afford, or in this case, the best looking steaks at Schnucks. Next, stay patient. Never look for shortcuts, because there aren’t any. And then finally, make sure you love the people you’re cooking for.” Karen paused until Keith looked up from his plate. “Do those three things and everything you cook will be delicious, every time, guaranteed. It never fails.”

Keith pulled an asparagus spear through oil and salt and was suddenly warmed by the thought that Karen had just said she loved him. “That combination would work for just about anything, wouldn’t it?” he said.

“It would, yes. It always has.”

Levy Trail 5K/DFL

It took me 59:47 to mark the Sweet Baby Jesus Memorial 4.96K Race to Hell and Back this morning on the Levy Trail 5K course. Part of that time was spent in the parking lot of the Levy Church of Christ as I explained to a classically friendly Harding sort of man what the fuck in christ's name I was doing.
Through the first two games of the week, the Democrat Football League Packers have played their long-shot chance about as well as possible. We currently lead 31.21-26.45 but are 6.86-point underdogs to the Complete Sellouts. They are the No. 1 seed and have won five Cooper Bowls. We are the No. 6 seed and have won one Cooper Bowl. If we win, it would be a fantastic upset (and I surely don't expect to. I'm the sort who stabs people who believe in destiny), but I have had spectacular luck replacing my injured superstars with guys no one had heard of before the season started. We'll see how they do today and tomorrow night.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
And there was the matter of his lie. He recalled its origin, based on a conversation overheard the previous season between writers in the Texas Stadium press box. It was during a game between Dallas and St. Louis when Keith still wrote for a paper in Little Rock. One of the writers, from St. Louis, was seated a row away. “No, I’m not kidding,” he said.  “The paper’s trying to hire a gay sportswriter. Apparently our publisher’s wife is big into gay rights or something. Anyway, Bill Seale, he’s the publisher, funny as hell, kind of a redneck from Alabama and the last guy on earth you’d think would want to hire a gay sportswriter, but that’s what he’s doing. He blames his wife. He said, ‘I ain’t got no choice.’ ”

Poplar Street Loop

I walked two laps of the Poplar Street Loop this morning to complete three miles in 49:48. I finished the one-mile laps in 17:01 and 16:56. It was 31°F when I started. It is bright blue out. Tomorrow should present nearly perfect weather for the Sweet Baby Jesus Memorial 4.96K Race to Hell and Back.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
Despite the danger, an incongruous and perhaps perilous calm commanded Keith’s senses. He knew he needed up and turned to look for leverage. He reached for a locker handle and stood in time to see Carmichael lunge again, face down, and in that instant flashed back to a punch he had thrown as a child, boxing with his father in their backyard. As then, Keith cocked his right arm and released an uppercut directly to the mouth of the man before him. He heard and felt a crack and watched Carmichael drop directly to the floor. Keith was suddenly aware of fright and pain and an unfamiliar sense of pleasure, all of which folded into an emotion that dissolved the moment it formed. Everyone around him looked shocked.

Levy Trail 5K/DFL

I walked the Levy Trail 5K through a RealFeel® of 33°F this morning in 47:44 and went three miles in 46:21.
The Democrat Football League playoff semifinal game between the Green Bay Packers and the Complete Sellouts began last night. The Sellouts had Tampa Bay's defense, which surrendered 31 points to St. Louis and consequently netted the Sellouts one measly point. Things started well for the Packers, who are approximately 15-point underdogs.

Paragraph(s) of the day from A Different Closet
Chapter 1

It was always easy for Keith Ingram to isolate the first hint of his imminent catastrophe, which came on a day one of his many stories critical of St. Louis’s professional football team was published in the Post-Dispatch. The story focused on the team’s porous defense and appeared on the Wednesday before the twelfth game of the 1985 season. Keith suspected it would anger at least a few of the players, but his only true fear involved a perpetually irate defensive back named A.J. Carmichael. He found his concern justified when he walked into the St. Louis locker room that afternoon and heard Carmichael say to no one in particular, “I’d like to know who lets these fags come in here.”

Burns Park Loop

We Geezers walked the the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:46:12. Ron and Elaine Gimblet are back after three weeks in Arizona, but they along with Bob McKinney and Rosemary Boggs quit early. Ann Kell, Sandy Venable and I walked ahead almost from the start.

Maumelle/Humpin' Hash

We Geezers walked out and back from a place called Morningside Bagel on Maumelle Blvd. this morning for 1:16:42.
I jogged and walked for a total of 42:40 over about three hours on a pub crawl with the Humpin' Hash tonight, each of us dressed in various degrees of a Christmas theme. We started at E.J.'s and went to Stone's Throw, a place I can't remember the name of, the Capitol Hotel, and back to E.J.'s.

Lakewood Lake No. 3/Maple Street Loop

We Geezers walked the Lakewood Lake No. 3 Loop this morning in 1:18:35.
This evening I walked the Maple Street Loop in 36:08. I didn't realize until I finished and sat down on my front porch that I was more hypoglycemic than two motherfuckers.

Hardcastle Loop/DFL

I can't tell you how good I felt this morning as I walked the Hardcastle Loop in 44:14. According to my front-porch thermometer, it's 53°F, the coolest its been here in at least a week.
There was a big celebration in Levy last night. The Democrat Football League Packers pulled off a wonderful upset to qualify for the DFL semifinals for the seventh consecutive season with what is clearly our weakest team since 2007. Everything fell into place, in part due to luck. For instance, Krup's Kids had a running back in Sunday Night Football who looked as if he might tack on enough points to send my team to one of those big communal showers, but he hurt his knee midway through the second quarter and was ruled out at halftime. We won, 100.47-87.95. Next week we'll play the Cavemen (who are one of the four remaining original DFL teams, along with the Packers, Krup's Kids, and Walt's Fat Chicks).
I had to walk around quite a few overturned cars on the Hardcastle Loop. There were signs of looting, and empty beer cans and liquor bottles everywhere.
The NFL Green Bay Packers defeated the Cowboys, 28-7, and at 9-4 are back in first place in the NFC North Division.

Maple Street Loop/Hash/DFL

I walked the Maple Street Loop through a drizzle this morning in 32:54. My feet hurt.
They felt much better this afternoon as I walked for 42:59 with Christine on Lisa's Hash run from the parking lot of the old Western Hills Country Club. The area is now called Western Hills Park. They have mowed the fairways and it's a nice place to run now. Lovely, really. It poured rain the whole time we were out. Now I'm watching the NFL Packers play the Dallas Cowpussies.
The DFL Green Bay Packers are, ten minutes before our games kickoff, 14.91-point underdogs to Krup's Kids, We'll need some luck.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North at lunchtime in 30:16, wearing my orange, Nashville Scrappers T-shirt, wondering why the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette thinks I can write an unbiased story about the Nashville Scrappers's Class 4A state championship game with Prairie Grove tonight.

PETE PERKINS

It was clear that the Prairie Groves Tigers’ best chance for victory was to keep its offense on the field and consequently the ball from the Nashville Scrappers' quarterback.

Ultimately they couldn’t, but Prairie Grove kept the ball for the vast majority of the second quarter and led by a point at halftime. “We were worried,” said Nashville senior defensive end Billy Stewart, who had 24 sacks for the season, including one against Prairie Grove. “But we talked about it at halftime. We made some adjustments and came out in the second half ready to go.”

By the end, Nashville senior quarterback Leonard Snell had rushed for six touchdowns and 230 yards to lead the Scrappers to a 39-20 victory over Prairie Grove in the Class 4A state championship game at War Memorial Stadium on Saturday night, and it looked at first as if it would be easy for Snell. He gained 95 yards and scored three touchdowns in the first quarter and Nashville led 19-8, but Prairie Grove’s offense controlled the second quarter with equal ease. They kept possession for 9 minutes, 21 seconds, limiting Snell to 24 yards, and Prairie Grove led at halftime, 20-19.

“We’ve been a second half team all year,” first-year Nashville Coach Mike Volarvich said. “At halftime I told our team, ‘Quarters can’t go like that. We have to get the ball in the end zone.’ I can’t say enough about our defense in the second half. They stepped up and we were just dominant.”

Prairie Grove’s third possession of the game started at its 27 with 1:07 left in the first quarter. It ended 13 plays later with a 1-yard touchdown run by senior running back Blake Faulk that cut Nashville’s lead to 19-14 with 7:15 left before halftime.

Three plays and a punt for Nashville on its next possession led to a 12-play, 79-yard drive for Prairie Grove that lasted nearly five minutes and gave the Tigers a 20-19 lead after Faulk’s 5-yard touchdown run with 1:46 left in the second quarter.

Faulk rushed for 119 yards in the first half. He completed the game with 135.

“Their quarterback is a great player,” Faulk said. “We knew that, and we knew we had to do anything we could to keep the ball out of his hands, but we just couldn’t get it going in the second half. Nashville’s defense really stepped it up.”

"Our guys on defense have been getting me the ball all season," Snell said. "Everything we do on offense is because of them."

That was never more evident than on Prairie Grove’s first play of the second half.

After Nashville had taken a 25-20 lead on a 5-yard touchdown run by Snell to start the third quarter, Prairie Grove got the ball at its 20. On first down, senior defensive end Troy Thomas spun Faulk around near the line of scrimmage and tripped him with his hands for a 4-yard loss. Prairie Grove punted after two more plays, and Nashville used a total of 50 seconds to take a 32-20 lead after Snell’s fifth touchdown.

Thomas said it took him most of the first half to adjust to Prairie Grove’s Wing-T Offense. He said he was ready the first time he saw Faulk with the ball.

“In that offense, your lineman is telling you where the ball is going to go every time,” Thomas said. “By the second half, the ball carrier was just eye candy for me in the backfield. We got that halftime break, and then we just came out and did our thing.”

“Troy Thomas really came out to play tonight,” Nashville defensive coordinator Brad Chesshir said. “It was one of those deals where he was a senior, and it was his last game, and he gave it everything he had.”

Prairie Grove had 230 yards of offense in the first half. In the second, it had 89.

“We came out in the second half and shut them down,” Chesshir said. “We made a few minor adjustments, but it wasn’t really about schematic things. It was just about our guys going out and giving it everything they had.”

Levy Ghetto Cat Loop/DFL

I walked the Levy Ghetto Loop this afternoon in 32:44.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers are now 9.00-point underdogs to Krup's Kids in the DFL quarterfinals. What's cool is that all of ours and Krup's Kids's players will play Sunday. Our game will start at noon and end at approximately 6:30 p.m.

The Ranch/DFL

Bob McKinney lives in a fancy neighborhood way out Highway 10 called The Ranch. I walked near there with the Geezers, led by Bob across marshes and swamps and maybe a half mile of trails this morning for 58:03. We covered a total of 2.36 miles.
The DFL Packers's chance keeps improving according to the experts. We are now 9.70 underdogs to Krup's Kids.

Fort Roots Loop/DFL

The Fort Roots Loop starts in the Burns Park Golf Course parking lot, goes to the River Trail, up to and across Fort Roots, back down to the River Trail, and the roughly two miles back to Burns Park. It covers 5.6 miles according the Brass' watch. I walked it with five other Geezers this morning in 1:37:41.
This is the farthest I have gone in a while and was pleased to have felt energetic the entire way. A woman I dated a couple of times nearly thirty years ago walked with us this morning. Her name is Ann Kell; she's a former Hasher who moved away with her Hasher husband in, I believe, 1989. She moved back to Little Rock from Seattle about two months ago after she and her husband separated. It was nice to see her again.
The DFL Packers changed its team defense from the Buffalo Bills's to the New York Jets's and are now 10.38 point underdogs to Krup's Kids. We have a chance.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who speaks or writes for a living who uses the pronoun "that" instead of "who" when referring to a person, as in: "He's the man that holds the record."

Orange Street Loop/DFL

I walked the Orange Street Loop tonight in 46:00.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers defeated the Turtle Creek Skins, 98.82-57.92, and outscored 546 Posse by 21.43 points to qualify for the sixth and final spot in the DFL playoffs. We play Krup's Kids in the first round and are currently 16.74-point underdogs.

Burns Park Loop/DFL

I walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:43:57.
Did anyone else watch Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers last night? He led the NFL Packers to one of the more improbable comeback victories I have watched, right up there in my lifetime Top 20 (counting all games, not just those played by the Packers). Plus he turned the DFL Packers from 8.85-point underdogs to 9.58-point favorites in their battle for the final playoff spot with 546 Posse.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North this evening in 32:19.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Why is CBS sportscaster Jim Nance not celebrated for the stature he has achieved despite his significant intellectual disability?

Levy Trail Loop/DFL

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this evening in 32:16.
The DFL and NFL Green Bay Packers have struggled lately. The DFL version has lost two consecutive games and will have to win this coming weekend and hope the 546 Posse does not outscore it by more than 3.94 points. It does not look good. Both a six-year run of semifinal appearances and an eight-year run in the playoffs are in jeopardy. The NFL Packers, after a 6-0 start, are now 7-4. It seems as if they have decided to suck dicks rather than play football.
Watch the film. There's a pretty good chance Jim "That's What Love is All About" Nance won't bring it up.

Orange Street Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 43:47. It's not raining for the first time since Thursday night.

Levy Loop

I splashed around the Levy Loop this afternoon in 32:28.

NOTEWORTHY
Last night I saw a very rare football event—a game in which two teams played through regulation without scoring. Pea Ridge defeated Central Arkansas Christian, 3-0, in overtime. I have watched approximately 5,390 football games (on television or in person), two of which ended in regulation with the scored tied at 0-0—the game last night and one between Air Force and Wyoming in Laramie on September 10, 1977. As examples of the rarity of scoreless ties, there hasn't been one in the National Football League since 1943, and since I watched that game in Laramie, there have been two in college—Oregon State and Oregon played to a 0-0 tie in 1982 and Arkansas State and Florida Atlantic in 2005. I truly believe I might be the only man alive to have watched two scoreless ties.

Maple Street Loop

Fueled by Jill Krupsaw's Thanksgiving dinner, I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight in 31:45. Then, to show how fucked up my life skills are, I (literally) cried after Brett Favre hugged Bart Starr at halftime of a football game. It was, no kidding, right up there in the Top 10 of the nicest things I have seen.
Rats.
Just like that I am officially more pitiful than two motherfuckers.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says or writes "life skills"

Humpin' Hash beer mile

I jogged and walked a beer-mile tonight in 27:56. Among the beers I drank was a malt liquor called Steel Reserve, which tasted like water from the trunk of an abandoned car.

Maple Street Loop

I hurt my left foot at about 6:30 p.m. Friday, November 13, and consequently missed ten days of exercise. Nevertheless, my goals for 2016 are still to complete a 50K under the cutoff time and to pork a waitress from the Mexican Shit Hole. Tonight I felt good enough to walk the Maple Street Loop in 32:55.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:32. It's perfect out today. At 10:47 a.m, it's sunny and 61°F. This should be a nice night to watch Little Rock McClellan host Morrilton in the first round of the Class 5A state playoffs (classes 2A through 7A play football in Arkansas).

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Seriously, how did Bob Dylan ever sell a fucking record?

Levy Loop 5K

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Levy Loop 5K in 44:03. I went three miles in 42:30.

Levy Trail North

I jogged Levy Trail North in 23:53 this morning with splits of 12:52 and 11:01. Taking for granted that I'm a promise-breaking motherfucker, I promise to not look at my watch while on my next non-stop run. Obviously I picked it up a little. This course is slightly downhill on the way home and was also downwind today, but mostly the reason I jogged the second mile so much faster was that I wanted to break 24 minutes.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this afternoon in 31:40.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next football announcer who says "...out of the backfield" while speaking about a running back catching passes, as in, "Jamaal Charles has great hands out of the backfield." No announcer has ever not said it in this circumstance, which is odd considering how unnecessary it is. Where the fuck else does a running back come from?

Levy Trail South/Maple Street Loop intervals

I walked Levy Trail South this morning in 33:32.
This evening I walked and jogged the first and final half miles of the Maple Street Loop and alternated one-minute runs with one-minute walks through the middle mile to complete the loop in 26:51. My mile splits were 12:54 and 13:57. I covered the middle mile in 12:28.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this cool and bright blue morning in 31:50, most of the while hoping my Packer franchises don't suck dicks for the second weekend in row.
This afternoon I was out with BJ, Ron and Elaine, and Donna Turd for 1:18:50 on Misty's and Tina's Hash run at Granite Mountain Park near the airport.

Original Levy Loop

Here's a sign of how unfit I am. I had to really pick it up over the last half mile and run almost as fast as I could over the final hundred yards to complete my non-stop jog of the original Levy Loop this morning under 24 minutes. I got it in 23:55 with splits of 12:14 and 11:41.
Nevertheless, I am delighted to have gone that far without stopping for the first time since either early this summer or last spring. I'm also happy to have had the energy and willingness to really pick it up.

Levy Trail North/Levy Trail Loop

It's overcast and cool in Levy. I walked Levy Trail North this morning in 29:43, and my legs felt lively. I hope to jog a little tomorrow morning.
This afternoon I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 31:00.

35th Srteet Loop/orignal Levy Loop

I walked the 35th Street Loop this morning in 1:04:22 and kept splits, which were 16:24, 15:57, 16:04, and 15:57.
Late this afternoon I walked the original Levy Loop in 32:06.

Levy Trail South/Levy Trail Loop

I walked Levy Trail South late this morning in 34:06.
Late this afternoon I alternated one-minute jogs with two-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail Loop in 27:15.

38th Street Loop/Levy Trail 5K

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:41.
Early this evening I jogged and walked the Levy Trail 5K in 42:54. I went through three miles in 41:28 and jogged for a total of fifteen minutes.

OVERHEARD
"How ya' doin,' Pete?"
—Cortez on Gum Street. I said, "Are you Cortez?", and he said, "Yes sir." I said, "It's good to see you." "It's good to see you, too, sir."

Levy Trail North/Maple Steet Loop/DFL

I walked Levy Trail North this morning in 32:24.
Early this evening I walked the Maple Street Loop in 32:27.
The DFL and NFL Packers got hammered yesterday, and the disasters were related. I had two Packers and two Broncos going last night in Denver's 29-10 victory over Green Bay. They were projected to score a total of about 65 points but scored 32 and my DFL team was beaten 87.70-76.89 by the Sherwood Shigellas. Oh well.

38th Street Loop/Maple Street Loop/Breeders' Cup

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 31:07 to get set for a quadruple-header of NFL games, ending with the Packers at Denver on Sunday Night Football. Both teams are 6-0. This will be the fourth time since the league began play in 1920 that two undefeated teams have played each other this far into a season.
I woke up at 5:45 this morning. No, wait. It was 5:45, and then I turned my fucking clocks back, so 4:45. To help me make it through this final game, I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Maple Street Loop tonight in 28:52.
Go Packers.
Z Man and I drove to Oaklawn Park yesterday for the final day of the Breeders' Cup from Kenneland (in Lexington, Kentucky). I lost exactly $10.00, which is the best day I have had at the Breeders' Cup in years.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
How much pot did the guy at Burger King have to smoke before he came up with Buffalo Chicken Fries?

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says "train wreck," other than people talking about a train wreck. I can't wait to hear Chris Collinsworth say, "This team is the World Trade Center," or, "They're a Malaysian jetliner. I mean, people are literally finding wing parts of the Seahawks on Madagascar."

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 31:31. It's sunny and dry out, finally. The temperature at 8:51 a.m. in Levy is 48°F. It's 60 in my house, so the heater is still off. Everything has been off since Oct. 9, and I think I'll make until at least the second week of next month. We'll see.

38th Street Loop

I randomly alternated walks with jogs to complete the 38th Street Loop this morning in 27:43. My calves were very stiff throughout this effort. Calf stiffness has troubled me off and on since roughly 1975.
Late this afternoon I walked the Levy Loop in 32:20.

OVERHEARD
"Hey, Mr. Pete."
—one of the old Gum Street Gang, from Gum Street as I ran past on 38th, who introduced himself to me at Edward's about six months ago (his name is Cortez. I couldn't remember but nearly called him Carlos this morning. We met on March 11, or a little over seven months ago). I am impressed that he remembered my name

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 32:49 and it didn't rain a goddamn drop.

Levy Trail 5K/DFL

I walked the Levy Trail 5K through steady mist in 47:40 and crossed three miles in 46:14.
The DFL Green Bay Packers overcame significant obstacles to beat Walt's Fat Chicks, 102.86-96.86. He was favored something like 103-87, and at one point as we proceeded through late Sunday afternoon, the projected final was somewhere around Fat 106, Green Bay 75. But then Walt's players started to stink, and I got all sorts or fourth-quarter action out of two San Diego Chargers named Kennan Allen and Danny Woodhead. Four of my regular starters, including Aaron Rodgers, were on their bye week. To have won under that circumstance is I believe a first for the DFL Packers.
The NFL Packers took the week off.

Levy Trail North/Levy Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete Levy Trail North in 29:50. The sun was out.
Late this afternoon I walked the Levy Loop, through rain that went from light to driving, in 32:00.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who uses "dial up" in any context other than those associated with telephones or computers. For instance, I will stab the next sports analyst who says something like, "Let's see what they dial up for this play." The analyst for the Arizona Cardinals on Monday Night Football tonight said it nearly every play

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight through light rain in 31:24.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South late this morning in 33:15. It's warm with rain in Levy.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North this morning through light rain in 31:50. Apparently our weather is on the front edge of the system Al Roker said will wash away Texas.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South this morning in 31:23. My legs felt better today, maybe because I ate two large meals yesterday with Jim and Karen Perkins—lunch with mom and dinner with dad.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 34:44.

Maple Street Loop/Levy Trail Loop/DFL

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 33:20. It's 45°F in Levy at 6:05.
Late this afternoon I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 34:52.
It's now beautiful here. At 5:46 p.m., it is 77 and dry to the point of dustiness.
The DFL Green Bay Packers defeated the Trojan Men, 104.70-97.80. It was a nail biter, as was the NFL Packers' 27-20 victory over the San Diego Chargers. The DFL Packers are 4-2 and the NFL version 6-0.

Levy Trail North/Poplar Street Loop

I walked Levy Trail North this morning in 34:16.
At dusk this evening I did one lap of the Poplar Street Loop to complete two miles in 35:34 and the lap in 18:11.
This is the eleventh day since I turned my air conditioner off, presumably for the last time this year. Now it's a question of how long I can go without turning on the heat. Last year I only made it 23 days, from Oct. 10-Nov. 2. Based on two long-term internet weather forecasts, I should be able to make it at least a few days longer.

Burns Park Loop

I walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:38:29. It was under 50°F when I started, and my hands got cold.

Orange Street Loop/DFL

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 48:27.
The Complete Sellouts defeated the DFL Green Bay Packers, 116.78.-92.37. We're in fourth place at 3-2. Our ace running back Jamaal Charles hurt his knee and is finished for the season.

TV Hill Road/Levy Loop

HOT SPRINGS—I just got in from dad's, where I walked for 36:04, primarily on TV Hill Road, watched Monday Night Football, the Cubs beat the St. Louis Lil' Bitches, and cooked and ate steak, baked potatoes, and asparagus, the latter of which were prepared in the old-school, Jill Aikman inspired style, with olive oil, salt, pepper, eight minutes in the broiler, and were the best flavor on the table.
Tonight I walked the Levy Loop in 31:09.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South tonight in 31:14.

Ridge Road Loop

I walked the Ridge Road Loop this afternoon in 1:03:03.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South late this afternoon in 32:11.

Ouachita Trail/Ridge Road Loop/DFL

I walked the four-mile Ridge Road Loop at lunchtime today in 1:03:14.
On Saturday morning, I walked about four miles out and back on the Ouachita Trail from the western-most Lake Sylvia parking lot.
The DFL Green Bay Packers defeated the Carpetbaggers, 109.41-87.0, and are now 3-1 and in second place. The NFL Packers defeated the San Francisco 49ers, 17-3, and are 4-0.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Trail South

My legs felt as good this morning as they have in at least a month. I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Ghetto Cat Loop in 27:28.
Late Friday afternoon, I walked Levy Trail North. It's now early Sunday morning (1:02 a.m.) I can't remember my specific time, but it was about 34:30.
At 6:51 a.m., approximately five minutes after I walked in, the temperature in Levy is 54°F. It's 64 in my house.

38th Street Loop/Levy Trail Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this afternoon in 31:52.
Early this evening I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 33:05.
The weather is closing in on perfect. It should be there by this weekend, in time for the Arkansas Traveller. Each of the four people I interviewed today, including a superstar from Oregon, began our conversation with weather talk.
Hal Koerner of Ashland, Ore., has won two Western States races, in 2007 and 2009, and Hardrock in 2012. I'd never heard of him, but it seems as if everyone else involved with the race has his poster framed in their house.

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K this afternoon in 49:45 with a three-mile split of 48:08.
It's nice out today. This is a long-term, educated guess, but I believe there's a reasonable chance that after I turn off my air conditioner tonight, I won't turn it on again until next spring. We'll see.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "Do the math."

Two Rivers Park/DFL

I jogged for about five minutes but otherwise walked with the Geezers in Two Rivers Park this morning for 1:34:14. Elaine's watch said we went 5.2 miles, and Ron's said 4.7. I plan to take my Camry out there this afternoon just to make sure.
Last night the Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers secured their most extraordinary victory to date. Aaron Rodgers and Jamaal Charles combined to score 70.90 points on Monday Night Football to give the Packers a 122.45-121.46 victory over the Ratpackers. We pulled ahead when Charles scored a touchdown with about a minute left in the game and are now 2-1 and in fifth place in the fourteen-team league.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "Let's do this." Also, I plan to stab the next person who says, "Let's do this thing," somewhere around seven or eight times

Levy Trail South/Levy Trail North

I jogged for a total of four and a half minutes and otherwise walked to compete Levy Trail South early this afternoon in 30:53. I was slowed considerable by my roughly seven-minute walk with Charles Gray, an approximately 70-year-old one-armed man I walked with a couple of years ago. I like him. He told me if I can get someone to give me their cable or satellite provider code number, provided that person doesn't use it to get live stuff off the Internet, that I can use it to get live stuff off the Internet. I suppose, hope, my dad's number might work.
Late this afternoon I walked Levy Trail North in 33:35. I'm not so sure the cable/satellite ripoff will work. For one thing, I'm pretty sure my dad won't know anything about passwords or codes or email addresses. Maybe I'll talk to Z Man tonight when I'm at his house to watch both the NFL and DFL Green Bay Packers play (I need Aaron Rodgers and the Kansas City Chiefs' Jamaal Charles to have their games of the season).

Burns Park Loop

I jogged about ten minutes and otherwise walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:36:33.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says that someone "...has the 'it' factor." I will use a dull knife and twist the blade

Orange Street Loop/DFL

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 47:09.
The Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers are 1-1. They lost their opener to Krup's Kids, 123.34-107.43, and last week defeated The 546 Posse, 106.59-100.00. Beginning with Thursday Night Football tonight, their game against the Ratpackers begins. The DFL Packers are a little down this year, I fear. The NFL Packers are currently 2-0, with fairly easy victories over the Chicago Bears and Seattle Seafucks. The NFL Website nfl.com currently has them ranked No. 1.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 48:37.

TV Hill Road

HOT SPRINGS—I walked out and back from my dad's house this morning for a total of 39:21, primarily on TV Hill Road. I reached Central Avenue and turned right for maybe a hundred yards before turning back after twenty minutes. If I had continued on for another half hour, I would have reached Oaklawn Park. I would like someday to park at dad's house, walk to the track and then back for dinner. I'll do that the next time I go by myself and not to work, or with one or more of the Everyday Runnings, none of which happened last season.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop late this morning in 32:31 and then started to scrub my front porch for the first time in at least two years. A neighbor named Bob came over yesterday afternoon to tell me he'd talked to the cops and other city officials about the occasional drug activity at Tom Jenning's house and that he just wanted me to know. We collectively bitched about Tom for twenty minutes. While we spoke, I became self conscious of my filthy porch, so here goes.
And now my porch looks nice. It took a total of about an hour to get it that way.

OVERHEARD
"Are you from Nashville?"
—A woman at the North Little Rock Walmart named Ginger who saw Pete wearing a Nashville Scrappers t-shirt and came walking quite fast and gleefully. She said she lives in Nashville

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South early this afternoon in 32:20.
My air conditioner has been off since late Friday afternoon. I think I can make it comfortably for a couple of more days. I'll put the over-under at 4 p.m., Wednesday.
It looks as if Ruth is gone for keeps. The family she lived with moved away about three weeks ago. I guess there's a chance she'll get out of their house and come back to the neighborhood, assuming they didn't move to Nova Scotia, but I doubt it. I miss Ruth, truly a lot, but am glad her family admired her enough to take her along.

UAPB

PINE BLUFF—I walked for 48:18 to warm up for UAPB's home opener against Morehouse College. That's my longest pregame walk, I believe. I came in with the band, which was cool. That was the best trombone section I've heard.

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this afternoon in 30:08. It's 82°F at 4:43 p.m. Weather.com says it will get down to 57 tonight and turn dry as gin. Tomorrow, for the first UAPB home game, the high will be 77, followed by a low of 49, which should allow me to turn off everything for a few days.

Levy Trail Loop

This was a decent over-under performance. With about five minutes left to go on my walk of the Levy Trail Loop this morning, I predicted I would finish in 30:20 and got home in 30:19.88. It drizzled on me every step of the way.

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K this afternoon in 50:02 and went through three miles in 48:14. I got in fifteen minutes ago and am still sweating.

Levy Trail

I walked Levy Trail South from late in the second quarter through most of halftime of Clemson literally beating the shit out of Wofford. I'm not making this up: bulldozers are currently trying to push shit out of the end zones.

I PLAN TO STAB...*
...the next person who says some sort of negative result "...is not an option." Of course it is. If, for instance, losing wasn't an option for a football team, then why would it bother to play? What possible satisfaction could victory provide? Likewise, don't enter a one-hundred mile foot race and tell me quitting isn't an option. I wonder how that would go over with the cougar as he claws your eye out just past Mile 37: "OK, can't quit. I see. How 'bout if I just eat your arms?"

..."Ninety days, same thing as cash."

*this might be a rewind, but I believe it should be repeated before every football season

Levy Trail 5K

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail 5K this afternoon in 43:40, with mile splits of 14:01, 14:09, and 13:52. It's hot as hell in Levy, not exactly the kind of weather that encourages anyone to play or watch high school football. At least Maumelle High has an air-conditioned press box and, without fail in 2013 and 2014, a hospitality suite that serves all-you-can-eat food. The last two seasons' rotating menu included chili dogs, burgers, ribs and pulled pork, tacos and enchiladas, and fried chicken.
Maumelle has a new coach, and Jacksonville has one in his second season. I interviewed him last year, and he sounded committed to turning the program around. Jacksonville won multiple state championships in the 1970s and '80s but has figuratively sucked ever since.

BY PETE PERKINS

The Maumelle Hornets followed their nearly unstoppable running game to a 59-21 victory over the Jacksonville Red Devils at Hornet Stadium on Friday night.
Led by senior tailback Jacob Aclin’s 106 yards and 2 touchdowns, Maumelle rushed for 270 yards and scored on its first five possessions to take command.
“There were some things that we have to get cleaned up defensively, but overall, the effort was there,” Maumelle Coach David Farr said. “We made the connections that have to be made, and there was a lot of execution, especially on the offensive side of the football.”
“It was a tough night,” Jacksonville Coach Hickingbotham said. “We couldn’t stop them in the first half, and we couldn’t get rolling offensively. We had some success, but we just couldn’t finish drives early. It just kind of snowballed on us. We just never could figure out what we needed to figure out to get our guys in the right positions.”
Jacksonville, however, began the second half with a quick touchdown to stay in touch. Tailback Shawn Ellis’ 5-yard run with 10:41 left in the third quarter cut Maumelle’s lead to 38-21.
Jacksonville’s defense responded to stop Maumelle’s next possession on downs, but the following drive for the Red Devils was stopped by an interception at the Maumelle 11.
On the next play, Aclin turned a simple off-tackle attempt into an 89-yard touchdown run that gave Maumelle (1-0) a 46-21 lead.
Maumelle’s next possession ended with a 24-yard touchdown run by junior tailback Cory Jones, prolonged by two separate retreats and field reversals that left Jones as far as 40 yards from the end zone. As he crossed the goal line, Jones was met by senior linebacker Terry Brown, whose hit knocked Jones’ helmet off.
Jones collapsed, and there was a twenty-minute delay as emergency medical technicians examined him. He eventually rose and walked unaided to the Maumelle sideline, where he remained until the end. Ten minutes after the game, he appeared clear-headed but explained that his head still hurt.
“They have a lot of speed and athleticism, and it showed,” Hickingbotham said. “I mean, they got guys running around from side to side and scoring touchdowns. That’s one of those things we have to correct.”
Sophomore tailback Danny Smith led Jacksonville (0-1) with 117 yards on 13 carries. Ellis carried 8 times for 97 yards and 2 touchdowns. Senior quarterback Brandon Hickingbotham, the Jacksonville head coach’s son, completed 9 of 15 passes for 93 yards.
“We did some great things, but there’s a lot that we need to get cleaned up,” Farr said.

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 49:45. I went through three miles in 48:06.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South early this afternoon in 32:35.

Hash/Levy Trail

I was a little late but met the Geezers on the Levy Trail this morning. I was out for 33:34.
Yesterday I was out for just under an hour on Cassandra's Hash run from MacArthur Park.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next adult who calls a bathroom "the little boy's" or "the little girl's" room. C'mon. Where and why did that fucking start? I heard someone say it in the War Memorial Stadium press box tonight. An overweight sixty-year-old man: "I gotta go to the little boy's room"

Lakewood Lake No. 3

We Geezers alternated one-minute jogs with three-minute walks this morning for 1:17:05. I'd say we went a little less than six miles around Lakewood.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 48:39.

Levy Trail Loop/Hash

I walked the Levy Trail Loop late this morning in 30:42 and am currently about twenty minutes away from watching the Packers play the Pittsburgh Steelers. I plan to eat two grilled-cheese sandwiches and fried new potatoes and onions while I watch. Fuck it, I'm hungry.
I was out for 2:03:54 on our Hash run late this afternoon in Maumelle and, after about 1:40, was in bad shape. Cassandra and her boyfriend helped me in.

Levy Trail South

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete Levy Trail North at lunchtime today in 26:42. At 12:04 p.m., it's overcast and 71°F in Levy. My air conditioner has been off since since about 9 p.m. Wednesday. I think it will be back on by tomorrow afternoon.

Burns Park Loop

Three Geezer women and I did the Burns Park Loop this morning. I walked it in 1:31:54 with I'll guess about seven or eight minutes of jogging. It was 62°F when we started, and 66 when I finished. My kitchen window fan has been on since about 10 last night, and the temperature in my house is currently 68. I'm wearing a long-sleeve T-shirt.
By the way, as I turned down the final hill toward the parking lot, with about three minutes to go, it occurred to me that my twenty-dollar BCG Evades make perfect trail shoes for me. My feet felt great

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 32:33. It's cloudy and muggy in Levy, but weather.com predicts lows tonight and tomorrow of 59°F. My air conditioner might get a couple of days off.

Poplar Street Loop

I walked one-lap of the Poplar Street Loop this morning to complete two miles in 34:08, with the loop in 17:19. Now I'm on to Nashville and Hot Springs.

Levy Loopl/Poplar Street Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning for the first time in a while, a month or two anyway, and completed it in 31:50.
This evening I walked and jogged one lap of the Poplar Street Loop to compete two miles in 32:45, and the loop in 14:33. I jogged downhill and level for a total of about five minutes.

OVERHEARD
"You need to walk. You're starting to get a belly."
— Jeff Lukas from the front porch of a house next door to the Chiropractic Clinic

Levy Trail North/Levy Trail 5K

I walked Levy Trail North at lunchtime today in 33:18, hoping the whole time that Spieth and Day pull away from the field and have to play until they're stopped by darkness.
This evening I walked the Levy Trail 5K in 50:24 and went through three miles in 48:57.

OVERHEARD
"They're in there talking per usual, the same as mine."
— man in the Levy Church of Christ parking lot after another man said, "Do you know where my girls are?"

Chandler Street Loop

I alternated four-minute walks with one-minute jogs to complete the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 44:20.

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 31:25. My foot still burns a little, but I think it will make it. I went about a mile on Sunday at Clearfork, but my foot hurt and it was 102°F. Does anyone else remember the tacos they served for Sunday lunch at Clearfork in 2013? This Sunday we had boiled hot dogs (no one remembered to buy charcoal).
It's still a little muggy here, 91 with a heat index of 98, but the weather woman on Channel 11 said a front will run through today that will turn the air drier than two motherfuckers. Our low tonight will be in the 60s and the high tomorrow in the upper 80s.

OVERHEARD
"This ain't right. Porn belongs on the big screen in the bedroom or the cellphone in the bathroom."
—redneck character on the sitcom Modern Family after he saw a nude sculpture in a neighbor's backyard

Levy Trail Loop/38th Street Loop

Before I went to sleep Thursday night I noticed a slight burning irritation on the ball of my right middle toe. It hurt like two motherfuckers when I stepped out of bed Friday morning, certainly too much to consider walking or jogging. I thought it might have been a blister. Last night I went for a very slow walk on the Levy Trail, but pain forced me back inside after a little more than ten minutes. At last I visually examined the source of the pain, using a hand mirror and flashlight, and saw what looked like a blister* that had burst. It was tear-drop shaped. The Internet suggested I first soak it in hot water and Epsom salt, and then apply bacitracin zinc and a homemade bandage, which I did. This morning it felt much, much better. Early this afternoon I walked to the edge of the sore spot's comfort zone to complete the Levy Trail Loop in 36:41. I might try to walk again this evening. We'll see.
Here's what's really crazy. At 3:07 p.m., it's only 93°F, but the heat index is 109.
My foot felt even better as I walked the 38th Street Loop this evening. I'm confident it will soon be completely healed. I walked in a moment ago, at about 7:26 p.m.. It's now 90 with a heat index of 100, and I feel much better now about a day trip to Camp Clearfork.

*I theorize that the sore was never a blister, since I think I would've been aware of it before it burst. What I think happened is that one or more of Phil Knight's minions read my Pam's Boy post about the $19.95 running shoes and sent someone to break into my house to put something in my right shoe before I walked Thursday night. Whatever it was caused the sore, which they hoped would encourage me to buy a pair of their $150 shoes

OVERHEARD
"This guy was at the Class A level just three weeks ago, so now essentially he's out there pitching against baseball cards."
—Arizona Diamondbacks announcer talking about a pitcher in his first big-league game, pitching against the Reds

Poplar Street Loop/Levy Trail Souh

I walked one lap of the Poplar Street Loop to complete two miles in 35:03. I did the one lap in 16:29.
This evening I walked Levy Trail South in 33:37.

35th Street Loop/Levy Trail

This was the best I have felt in a while. I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the 35th Street Loop this morning in 54:21, with splits of 13:42, 13:32, 13:33, and 13:34.
This evening, beginning at about 6:30, I walked on the Levy Trail for 1:01:40. I walked from end to end of the paved part of the trail in a little over twenty-six minutes. My legs felt great, and still do at 11 p.m.

Levy Trail 5K/Poplar Street Loop

I walked the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 49:45 and went through three miles in 48:06. It felt nicer out this morning, though I see it's already 91°F (at 10:06 a.m.).
This evening I walked and jogged three laps of the Poplar Street Loop to complete four miles in 1:01:32, with the three, one-mile loops in 14:48, 14:27, and 15:05. My feet cramped late. This was good work. I am very hungry.
By the way, I have run and walked almost exclusively the last couple of weeks in the BCG Evades I bought at Academy Sports, and I am absolutely crazy about them. They sell them on the Internet for $19.95, so I might buy a closet full.

38th Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 31:46.  High humidity is back. I was miserable out there.
It was better tonight, when at about 8 p.m. I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Ghetto Cat Loop in 28:29.

HASKELL STAKES RESULT

American Pharoah won. Competitive Edge led until the head of the stretch but faded to fourth.

33rd Street Loop/Hash

This makes two consecutive aborted efforts. I attempted the five-mile 33rd Street Loop this morning but quit a quarter of a mile from my house at four miles. I alternated jogs and walks to cover the four in 57:57, with splits of 28:34 (for the two), 14:22, 15:01.
I walked and jogged for 52:48 on the Hash run from Kanis Park this afternoon. I'd bet I jogged for at least twenty minutes, so probably covered close to three and half miles, maybe four. Maybe. The thing is I did do the entire run, which has been a rarity for me the last few years. It was hot, but very dry. No, I'm telling you; it was 97°F and everyone was going, "Fuck, this ain't nothing."


DR. PETE'S HASKELL STAKES ROCKAMUNDO SPECIAL

Competitive Edge, at 21 minutes before post-time of the Grade I Haskell Stakes at Monmouth Park, is listed at 21-1. If you read this in time to drive to your nearest off-track gambling facitily, or you know a bookie, bet $20 to win on Competitive Edge. Fuck American Pharoah. His owner didn't know how to spell his name. That's gotta bug him.

OVERHEARD
"And then all the sudden we fly into this fucking cloud bank, and the pilot didn't blink an eye. And I'm like, fuck, I know there's goddamn mountains sticking up all over the fucking place out here. And then the fucking pilot starts asking us where we're from and shit, and I'm like, 'Fuck, shut up, man. Fly the fucking plane.' "
—Pete's brother Jim Perkins, on a single-engine Cessna flight he and Karen took near Juneau, Alaska, last week. Believe it or not, Jim cusses slightly more than Pete, and he actually says "...and shit" quite a bit

Levy Trail 5K/35th Street

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 45:16. I crossed three miles in 43:46.
Late this afternoon I walked the first two miles of the 35th Street Loop in 31:59.*
Hey, here's a Ruth the cat report. Before this morning, the last time I saw her was Thursday, June 4. I mean, I hadn't seen her anywhere, not even in the yard of her true home on Mellene Drive, but this morning, after I put in a load of laundry, there she was staring at me from Merle's back yard. I truly did not expect to see her again. After all these fucking cat years, you would think I'd know better.**
OVERHEARD
"Neither am I, but shit, man, I don't want anyone as bad as I am living next door."
—Pete Perkins, as he and Orange Street Hill neighbor Steve Allen conversed on the Levy Trail about a former Tom Jennings roommate named Damian, after Steve said, "Oh, I shouldn't talk. I'm probably no better than he is."

"Are y'all as sick of this Cecil the fucking Lion shit as I am?"
—Ruth, amid a conversation with Pam and Samantha.

*A guy in a black pickup stopped beside me on 42nd Street and introduced himself as Mark Glover, a cohort of mine at Springhill Wine & Spirits from roughly March-August, 1987. I had not seen him since then, though he said he lives near Camp Robinson and has seen me several times over the years either running or walking. I remember liking the heck out of Mark when we worked together. Tall Bob Walsh and I once went to a bar near Jacksonville to watch his rock band play

**I saw Ruth again this evening, in her yard on Mellene. She jogged out to the street to run between my legs, about a minute before Mark stopped me

Ghette Cat Loop/First Tee/Levy Trail North

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 34:43.
Jeff Krupsaw and I played one loop of the par-three course this afternoon at First Tee. It was the first time I have struck a real golf ball since January, 2014. I scored a 42, with six bogies, 1 double, 1 triple, and 1 quadruple. I used 21 putts and had quite a bit of fun despite not hitting a single decent full swing, not one.
This evening I walked Levy Trail North in 33:47.

Levy Trail 5K/Poplar Street Loop

Weather-wise, if every day were like this, every day would be fine, at least weather-wise. It is 87°F, but the weather woman on Channel 11 said the dew point is much lower today and that it and the humidity will continue to drop. I stepped into my house this morning after having walked the Levy Trail 5K in 48:58 and didn't have to hang my clothes on the shower rod. I went through three miles in 47:03.
Yesterday it got to 102, our first day over 100 since the summer of 2013. The heat index was 112. It's much nicer today, at least weather-wise.
Early this evening I walked and jogged two laps of the Poplar Street Loop to complete three miles, including the half-mile warmup and warmdown, in 46:49. My splits for the one-mile loop were 15:09 and 14:30. I felt great and could easily have continued.

OVERHEARD
"Shit, I hope I never go to bed that way."
—young, tattooed Levy woman after her tattooed female associate said, "Every night when I go to bed I can hear John going, 'Order up!' "

Burns Park Loop

We Geezers walked a shortened version of the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:15:28. Bill Brass' watch said we went 3.6 miles.

Burns Park Golf Course/Poplar Street Loop

We Geezers walked from Burns Park Golf Course to the skate board park and back in 1:22:55.
Early this evening I walked two miles on the Poplar Street Loop in 36:09. The Poplar Street Loop is the old F Street Loop renamed. Its first and final half-miles go to and from my house on Orange and Willow into the southern pit of Levy. The actual Poplar Street Loop part of the course is a one-mile loop that starts on Sycamore Street and the intersection of 34th, goes a block south to 33rd, then follows 33rd and D east into Park Hill, turns north for two blocks on Poplar, then west onto F and 35th back into Levy to Sycamore. It's a good, hard hill loop that I should do more often, I believe.

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 32:10. It's 93°F at 11:08 a.m., with a heat index of 101. Susie gave me a case of Diet Dr. Pepper after everyone was done with the Midnight 50K, and I'm drinking a can this very minute.
This afternoon I walked on the Levy Trail for 33:29 and stayed in the shade as much as possible.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North late this afternoon in 33:58.

OVERHEARD
"You gotta get the good refried beans, the Ortegas. They on the other side."
—woman telling another woman at Edwards Cash Saver what kind of beans she needed

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K early this afternoon in 49:52 and went through three miles in 48:11.

Levy Trail

I walked two miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 32:58.

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this evening in 33:32. At 7:03 p.m., it's 93°F, which isn't bad.

Orange Street Loop

It rained for a couple of hours this evening and it's now comfortable outside. I walked the Orange Street Loop late this evening in 47:04.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this afternoon in 33:12. The temperature was 95°F, with a heat index of 107. I wish I were on Pluto, except that then I'd have to wait an extra three-and-a-half hours to watch the All-Star game.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "...the 'it' factor."

Levy Trail South

Jesus Christ, man, I'm not fucking kidding. Go to weather.com and it says the heat index in Levy is immeasurable. It says they can't measure it. It says, specifically, "We can put a spaceship the size of a trash compactor 2,200 miles from Pluto, but we can't measure the heat index of an atmosphere composed of goddamn egg drop soup." Accuweather.com says the Realfeel® here is "boiled okra."
Anyway, I walked Levy Trail South tonight in 32:41 and don't expect to quit sweating before Halloween.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says they don't think Clinton and Bush will be the presidential finalists, because it will be a Clinton-Bush final and everyone knows it (unless one of them is arrested or uses the n or c words in a context that is not clearly designed to display contempt for anyone who uses the n or c words)

Hash

I was out for 19:10 on one of the shortest Hash runs I remember. We started and finished at a drug store in west Little Rock.

Burns Park Loop

I walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:37:10.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "...brick and mortar."
...the next golf announcer who says, "He still has some work left," or, "He won't be happy with that."

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North this afternoon in 31:57.

OVERHEARD
The following conversation at Edward's:
Wife: "Shit, I forgot to git them gravy patties. You know where they at, don't you?"
Husband: "You forgot what?"
Wife: "Them gravy patties."
Husband: "What the fuck's gravy patties?"
Wife: "They, shit, sausage patties. Shut up. You know what I meant."
Husband: "Gravy patties? Maybe she onto something."

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop tonight in 47:33.

Park Hill Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with nine-minute walks to complete the Park Hill Loop tonight in 1:15:24, with splits of 15:01, 15:39, 15:04, 15:22, and 14:18.
The winners of the Faster Than Two Motherfuckers 1K were Antonio Serna and a woman named Tina. Kayce Hall finished second among women and Elaine Gimblet third. I believe Antonio ran it in 3:47. Lance finished second among men, and I can't remember the name of the man who finished third. No. Wait a minute. It was Alyssa Mastromonaco, the ass from Charlie Rose last spring.

Firecracker Fast 5K

I walked approximately 2.5 miles this morning from the finish line of the Firecracker Fast 5K near War Memorial Stadium to my car parked in the Heights near what was once Browning's Mexican Restaurant (which served pretty fucking good fried chicken from c. 1950-2011, unlike no current restaurant in the Little Rock metro).

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 46:44. It's too hot here.

Levy Trail Loop/Alsopp Park

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 30:52.
This afternoon I walked for 1:06:36 on a Hash run set by Ron and Elaine Gimblet from Alsopp Park. Jayme brought hot Rebecca back for the first time since whenever, February I believe. I asked her if they were now dating. Jayme answered in a very round-about way but essentially said yes. She was pleased I asked.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North this afternoon in 31:18.

Levy Trail/Ghetto Cat Loop

We geezers walked for an hour and four minutes on the Levy Trail this morning. I was in hurry to go watch and report on women playing golf so I forgot to put it in Pam's Boy.
This evening I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 32:20. Actually, I kind of short-cutted. This was the first time one tube of energy gel was not enough to overcome my hypoglycemia. I was kind of wobbly legged all the way as I walked home from about where the Dixie Pig used to be.

33rd Street Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the three-mile version of the 33rd Street Loop this afternoon in 41:39. It is currently 97°F in Levy, with a heat index of 105, about ten minutes after I walked inside.
By the way, when I walked the sub-29 two-mile loop two days ago, I realized that my $30 BCGs were half a size too large. So I went back to Sports Academy and bought smaller shoes, and they feel great. I wore them today. The slightly too large pair are now retired to everyday, wear-around-town status.

Levy Trail 5K/38th Street Loop

I alternated two-minute jogs with three-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail 5K in 40:26. I went through three miles in 39:12, with splits of 13:03, 12:57, and 13:12.
The U.S. Open course looks pretty on TV, just like every other British Open course. I'm glad they stuck with the tradition of brown everywhere and lots of heather. It's time for the United States Golf Association to keep Mike Davis away from these, which should look like typical U.S. professional courses, only with ridiculously fast greens, narrow fairways, and thick, green, four-to-six inch rough. Fuck the bumpy greens and the incessant uneven lies that all the players are bitching about. They're fine with me. My complaint is that this current course looks as out of place as the John Deere Classic would if it were used next month at St. Andrews. Maybe the USGA should hire Alyssa Mastromonaco.
I got in from a blazing walk of the 38th Street Loop this afternoon in time to see J.B. Holmes tee off at 1-under. Among the legitimate contenders, I believe he's my choice, although if I had to bet, I'd bet on Spieth. As much as I disapprove of the course, I believe the last four holes are set up to provide a potential for an exciting finish. I walked the Loop in 28:45, with splits of 15:01 and 13:44, wearing the new shoes, which felt fine.

OVERHEARD
"Shit, dude, they payin you more than me."
—teenager on his cell phone near the Levy Church of Christ

Levy Trail Loop

The last time I held a pair of shoes directly responsible for an injury was in the fall of 1982. They were Onitsuka Tigers (now known as Asics). I ran easily and fast in them, but they hurt one of my knees in such a way that it took me six months to get over it. My verdict on these $30, great-feeling BCGs is still out, but before I went to bed last night noticed my left knee hurt in a way similar to thirty-three years ago. It still hurt this morning. Otherwise my legs felt fresh as I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 32:06 wearing a pair of those old baby-blue shoes I walked the 50-mile race in (which have held up for walking remarkably well. Both pairs still feel nice).

Levy Trail South

It's odd that my legs are as dead as they are. I walked Levy Trail South this morning in 33:51 and it wasn't easy.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "He's a good striker of the golf ball." This is kind of a repeat from several years ago, but I've heard it three times since last night

Chandler Street Loop

Here's how much deader than two motherfuckers my legs are. I alternated one-minute walks with five-minute jogs and took 44:37 to complete the Chandler Street Loop this afternoon. My splits were 13:44, 15:50, and 15:03.
By the way, I like how Chambers Bay looks on television and would love to play it some day. The greens are wild. Also, it's great that Fox is showing the U.S. Open during prime time on a Thursday night. It's 7:30, and I'm eating pizza and watching golf. That's a new combination for me.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 31:38 and walked into my house nearly soaking wet.
This evening I alternated two-minute jogs with three-minute walks to complete the Levy Loop in 26:10.
I am making another attempt with a pair of $29 running shoes. These are BCG Evades. I can't find that BCG stands for anything. Apparently it's a Sports Academy generic brand. I didn't realize until I read the shoe box and called up www.academy.com/bcg. They make all sorts of stuff, including running shoes. They felt the way I like running shoes to feel, and look like running shoes, too. I believe the soles will last a bit longer than those on the, what were they? Oh yeah. LA Gear, from two summers ago. We'll see.

OVERHEARD
"That's what we do, man! We play to the fucking end!"
—Cincinnati Reds third baseman Todd Frazier, to Cincinnati sideline announcer Jim Day, after he hit a grand slam to give the Reds an 8-4 victory over Detroit in the bottom of the 13th inning at 1:19 Eastern on Thursday morning

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail 5K

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 27:34.
This evening I walked the Levy Trail 5K in 48:08.

Levy Trail North/Maple Street Loop

I jogged for a total of 13:31 and otherwise walked Levy Trail North this morning in 26:31. Levy is muggier than two motherfuckers (on Jen Devine-Rosano's 45th birthday).
This evening I walked the Maple Street Loop in 29:55.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Do the murderers who escaped from the prison in upstate New York know where Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is?

33rd Street Loop/Hash

On average I alternated 1:30 jogs with 3:30 walks to complete the 33rd Street Loop in 1:07:46, with splits of 13:34, 13:31, 13:49, 13:47, and 13:05, and felt good every step of the way. I might soon be ready for a real run. We'll see.
I walked with a combination of BJ, Reverend Bob, Tom Zaloudek, and Ron and Elaine Gimblet on our Hash run today set by Tony, or Comquistawhore. We were out for a little over 48 minutes.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY
Is it littering to... 1) ...throw an empty energy-gel tube down a storm drain? or, 2) ...place an empty energy-gel tube under the lid of a fast-food cup that's already right in the middle of the street?

Maple Street Loop/Levy Trail South

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:38.
This evening I walked Levy Trail South in 35:23. My legs felt fine, but I was burdened throughout the final mile by hypoglycemia.

OVERHEARD
"You know better than that."
—80-year-old man, who looked exactly like Santa Claus, to his old chihuahua as he barked at Pete. The dog replied, "No I don't, dumbass. I'm a fucking chihuahua."

"I'm at, I don't even know what state, watching tennis. My kids are playing tennis."
—extremely sun-tanned man, dressed in black plaid shorts, a black polo shirt, and black leather penny loafers with no socks, after he answered a telephone call at the United States Tennis Association Southern Closed Boys and Girls 16s Championships at Rebsamen Tennis Center in Little Rock

"If you want to call golf an athletic activity, that's fine with me."
—caller to Garrison Keilor's radio show, after Keilor said, "So you're an athlete. You're going to watch tennis (the French Open) and then go play golf."

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail North

This isn't certain, of course, but it seems as if I made a good decision when I turned around about three minutes into an attempted walk last night. My legs were deader than John Nash, but felt much better this morning. I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 30:32.
This evening I walked Levy Trail North in 31:52.

Lakewood

We Geezers started this morning from Lakewood Lake No. 3 and were out for 1:35:32. I jogged six-tenths of a mile en route with Bill Brass.

Burns Park/Levy Trail South

We Geezers got about two thirds of the way through the Burns Park Loop this morning and then let Brass talk us into an alternate route that turned the distance we covered from the expected 5 or so miles to 6.3. We were out for 2:03:55.
I walked Levy Trail South this evening in 34:25.

Levy Trail North/Hash

I walked Levy Trail North at lunchtime today in 34:01.
This afternoon I walked for 1:11:04 on a Hash run way out east in North Little Rock. Tom Zaloudek and I looked entirely out of place as we wandered across that part of town.
Materiality fell apart late after a long duel with American Pharoah yesterday in the Belmont Stakes and finished last in the field of eight. We consequently lost $20, but big deal. Pharoah won going away to win the Triple Crown.

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 49:45. It's nice here on this Belmont Day morning.

PETE THE MAGICIAN'S BELMONT STAKES LOCK OF MORE LIFETIMES THAN FUCKING STEPHEN HAWKING COULD COUNT
Bet a $10 exacta box with American Pharoah (5) and Materiality (8). That's it. Pharoah over Materiality should return about $50 and the opposite about $125.

OVERHEARD
"I came to watch American Pharoah go for the 'quadruple crown.' "
—Rick Rainey (aka Fucks Like an Egyptian and Rick Manly Porn Star) at Oaklawn Park, where he later watched Pharoah win the Belmont and become the first horse to win racing's Triple Crown since Affirmed in 1978. Rick's comment, which Pete Perkins used in his lead for the paper, recognized Pharoah's victory in the Arkansas Derby

Burns Park Loop

I jogged for a total of seven minutes and otherwise walked the Burns Park Loop tonight in 1:13:44.
We'll go with American Pharoah tomorrow and most likely hope to score a minor chunk with Pharoah and Materiality, perhaps boxed in an exacta. This race will offer no chance for a ticket to board one of those Russian space ships.

Levy Trail

We geezers walked the Levy Trail this morning for 1:16:08.

Maumelle

The Geezers and I walked the trails of Maumelle from the lake this morning for 1:13:13.

Levy Loop/Ridge Road Loop (aborted)

I walked the Levy Loop early this afternoon in 29:49. My legs felt thirteen years younger.
This evening I walked the first three miles of the Ridge Road Loop in 47:25, which was enough.

Maple Street Loop/Levy Trail North

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:41 and was nearly eaten to death by mosquitoes.
This evening I walked Levy Trail North in 33:13.

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail

I walked the Levy Trail Loop at lunchtime in 32:25.
This evening I walked Levy Trail South in 33:40.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 48:31. Jo turned eight today. I told her she doesn't look a day over six.

Levy Trail North

I walked Levy Trail North this evening in 30:25.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next television meteorologist who tells me what I need to do after he or she has declared a tornado warning for my area. They're the equivalent of those people at games who ask me to please stand and remove my hat

River Trail

I walked four miles on the River Trail this morning, out and back from the Big Dam Bridge, in 1:04:50. You should've seen the field in the Miss Big Dam Bridge Parking Lot Pageant.

BY THE WAY...
Research has shown that Pam's Boy received by far it's longest streak of twenty or more daily hits after I wrote the name Alyssa Mastromonaco, the former adviser to President Obama who exposed her pretentiousness on the Charlie Rose Show last spring. I guess the NSA is doing its job. Anyway, I want to see if it will work again. Alyssa Mastromonaco. Who knows? Maybe she Googles herself a lot

Hard to say

The last few entries are ones I left incomplete several years ago. After I tried to update those drafts, from roughly 2009-2011, employees of the National Security Agency were clearly baffled and posted them as if I wrote them tonight. Anyway, that's my best guess.

Park Hill Loop

I slept two hours last night and will leave here in an hour for a 100-mile drive to Monticello, drive back and spend the evening at work typing in the innumerable names of high-school and junior-college football players who sign today to play for small colleges across Arkansas.
But I didn't let any of that stop me from running the Park Hill Loop. I started 10 minutes after I rolled out of bed, with a slow run of the first, third, and final miles, and an easy walk-jog of the second and fourth.
It was much cooler this morning when I started. I felt better than yesterday, not springy but with some signs of life in my legs, at least enough for me to feel comfortable from time to time.

33rd Street Loop

I jogged the first three miles of the 33rd Street Loop, starting at about 6:30 p.m., and then walked home. I was out for 33:31 , with splits of 11:03, 11:11, and 11:17. It's been eight days since my legs last felt good running. For some reason, I had nice runs on Nov. 10, 11, and 13, when those three interrupted about two months of feeling like I did tonight. Oh well.

York Gary Loop/First Tee

NASHVILLE—I walked the York Gary Loop this morning in 34:37.
I played First Tee with Randal Hunhoff this afternoon and scored 101, with nines of 51 and 50. I had 1 birdie, 7 bogies, 7 doubles, and 3 triples. I used 37 putts.

York Gary Loop/First Tee

NASHVILLE—I walked the York Gary Loop this morning in 34:37.
I played First Tee with Randal Hunhoff this afternoon and scored 101, with nines of 51 and 50. I had 1 birdie, 7 bogies, 7 doubles, and 3 triples. I used 37 putts.

35th Street Loop/First Tee

I walked the 35th Street Loop this morning in 1:01:32.
I saw a Dustin Johnson swing in slow motion in a promo for the President's Cup, and it looked as if he were trying as hard as he could to keep his elbows as close together as possible throughout his swing. Hogan taught that, keeping the elbows together, but I'd never noticed anyone seemingly put such a pronounced effort into the attempt. I went to the range at First Tee and started taking slow-motion back swings full of the tension it took to keep my elbows together. I was killing the ball. I hit maybe fifteen shots, and then Bill Zhang, Jung Kim, and Steve Grace walked by on their way to play a second nine. I went with them and scored a 48 from the back tees, with 2 pars, 4 bogies, 2 doubles, and 1 quadruple. I used fourteen putts.

Levy Trail 5K

I walked the Levy Trail 5K early this evening in 47:19.

Orange Street Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Orange Street Loop tonight in 43:14. Originally I planned to merely walk, but it's too cold out. At 9:42 p.m., it's 58°F in Levy.

QUESTIONS OF THE DAY
If the artifacts of Palmyra, Syria, are so important, then why had no one on the face of the fucking earth heard of them before last Tuesday?*
When is this red-nose-day, pink-everyfuckingthing, colored-bracelet, ice-bucket-challenge bullshit going to stop? I'll donate everything I own if they'll just stop it
*no shit, someone wrote a headline in the LA Times that read, "The city that makes Rome blush" Do what? "Hey, Vinny. Look here what they wrote in the LA Times. ...Yeah, right, that's what I said. We're all blushing our asses off aren't we? Fucking Palmyra."

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 31:23.
American Pharoah won the Preakness Stakes. My pick, Divining Rod, looked ready to pounce at the head of the stretch but drifted right all the way to the wire and finished third. For the next three weeks we'll read how superior American Pharoah is and why he will win the Triple Crown. I hope he does, truly, but will likely bet against him.
Why isn't every single news story today about all those fat motorcycle fucks and their shootout in Waco? To me it's one of the great stories in world history. Will we have to wait on The New Yorker?

Burns Park

It took me 1:17:56 to set the Great Cross Country Race in Burns Park this morning through a steady mist and occasional bursts of cold rain. There are all sorts of patches of heavy rain nearby and therefore my fingers are crossed.

PETE THE MAGICIAN'S GOD-DOG SOLID GOLD LOCK OF TWO LIFETIMES PREAKNESS PICKS
Bear in mind, I haven't successfully picked a Preakness Stakes winner since Secretariat in 1973. Nevertheless, I will go for a long-shot special for the 42nd consecutive time.
I'm going with Divining Rod (7) on top.
Let's bet:
$5 on Divining Rod to win. The payout should be somewhere around $65
$5 exacta with Divining Rod over American Pharoah (1) and Firing Line (8). That should pay between $250 and $400
$5 buy-that-NBA-franchise-you've-always-wanted Superfecta with Divining Rod followed by Firing Line, Dortmund (2), and Danzig Moon (4)
That will cost us a total of $20

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight in 33:51.

TWO TRUISMS
No matter where you live, except for Honolulu, Hawaii, or Fairbanks, Alaska, someone will say, "If you like don't the weather here, just give it fifteen minutes."
No matter where you go to college, except for Liberty or Brigham Young Universities, at some point someone will tell you that Playboy Magazine once named it America's No. 1 party school*
*this only applies to schools anyone could imagine the average Playboy reader has ever heard of. Arkansas-Little Rock is out, as are Arkansas Tech, Henderson State, Harding, and Ouachita Baptist. The Universities of Arkansas and Wyoming are in

Levy Trail

The Geezers and I walked for 1:14:01 on the Levy Trail this morning. I had an A1c test last Friday for the first time since 2009. An A1c tells a person's average blood glucose level for the previous three months. I scored a 5.1, which means on average my blood glucose level was 103.5 milligrams of glucose/deciliter of blood, or perfect. The vast majority of non-diabetics fall between 80-120.

Mount Magazine Trail Run

HAVANA, Ark.—A Hasher named Bill Dobbins and I decided to do the shortest of options at the Mount Magazine Trail Run today, which was seven miles rather than 12 or 18, but we got lost. It took us quite a bit more than three hours to go 9.52 miles (according to Bill's GPS watch). I felt shitty every step of the way. My calves were stiff, my right heel hurt, and my right shoulder is stiff and sore from a pneumonia vaccination someone gave me yesterday afternoon. Afterward I got colder than two motherfuckers waiting for Bill Brass to finish. On the other hand, I was served three wonderful, very greasy cheeseburgers, and on the way home Brass told me some of his memories of the end of World War II and navigating harrowing, nighttime flights in Vietnam. Brass is a good story-teller.

Levy Trail South

I walked Levy Trail South this morning in 34:24.

Levy Trail 5K

I jogged for maybe three minutes but otherwise walked the Levy Trail 5K this morning in 45:39. I went through three miles in 44:09.

Cooks Landing

The Geezers and I walked from the Cooks Landing parking lot near the Big Dam Bridge to the Two Rivers Bridge and back this morning in 1:33:34.
Today is Pam's 14th birthday. She's doing better after three months of ice cream and her pills for either an overabundance or lack of something I can't remember. Thyroid stuff of some sort. What's cool is the Eubanks Veterinary Clinic sent her a happy-birthday email today. They successfully impressed me.

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail South

This morning, before I drove to Nashville, I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 31:53. Late this afternoon I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete Levy Trail South in 28:28.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop in 30:24 this morning and did the ol' not-look-at-my-watch-until-the-finish. The time surprised me. It felt as if I were going much slower.
This afternoon I walked and jogged for 49:21 with Z Man out east of I-30 near downtown Little Rock. The Hash run was set by a new, nice guy named Ben and ended in MacArthur Park. We went a little over three miles.

DR. PETE'S KENTUCKY DERBY brought to you by Yum!® brands RESULTS

For the second year in row, after a ten-year drought, my Derby picks paid off.
The $20 win ticket on American Pharoah returned $78. The $5 exacta, which cost $10 since I threw in Dortmund, hit with Pharoah and Firing Line and paid $181.50. The $1 trifecta ticket cost $16 and, with Dortmund on the bottom, paid a disappointing $101.50.
My $1 go-for-the-house-in-Marseille superfecta ticket is in a dumpster somewhere in Hot Springs. Nevertheless, for a total of $47, my readers and I were paid $360.50 for a profit of $313.50.

Levy Trail 5K

Obviously I like this new course, the Levy Trail 5K. Maybe I should set some longer ones. This morning I alternated two-minute jogs with three-minute walks to complete it in 40:17, with miles splits of 12:37, 12:45, and 13:19. I went through three miles in 38:41.

DR. PETE'S SILVER BULLET LOCK-OF-A-LIFETIME KENTUCKY DERBY SPECIAL

I'm going with American Pharoah (18) on top.

Let's bet:

$20 win on American Pharoah—(estimated return) $80
$5 exacta with American Pharoah over Dortmund (8) and Firing Line (10)—$155, $255
$1 trifecta with American Pharoah over Dortmund, Firing Line, and Frosted (15), and Dortmund, Firing Line, Frosted, and Far Right (20)—$250-$1,500
$1 superfecta with American Pharoah over Firing Line, Far Right, and Mr. Z (17)—$30,000-$50,000

38th Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in an easy 32:06.
Late this afternoon I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 33:03. My legs feel a little tired. I might eat a couple of grilled Swiss-and-rye sandwiches tonight as I watch the Reds play Atlanta.

Burns Park Loop/Levy Trail 5K Loop intervals

The Geezers, limited this morning to Bill Brass, Yevette Thompson, Sandy Venable, and me, walked the Burns Park Loop in 1:44:23. It's still dry and cool here.
After a half-mile walk/jog warmup, I ran 4X440 yards this evening in 2:29.4, 2:28.3, 2:17.6, and 2:22.0, with 3:15-3:30 quarter-mile intervals on the Levy Trail 5K Loop. I then walked and jogged the final half mile, 188 yards, and 2.394 inches to complete the 5K in 38:31, and three miles in 37:14. My mile splits were 12:55, 11:27, and 14:25. I felt good all the way.

Two Rivers Park/Levy Trail Loop 5K

The Geezers and I walked through Two Rivers Park this morning for 1:26:54. It was absolutely gorgeous, dry, cool, and bright blue.
I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Levy Trail Loop 5K tonight in a course-record 43:58, with mile splits of 13:50, 14:18, and 14:31. I Google-Earthed the course, with loops at the north end around the Levy Church of Christ and the south just before I got to Art's Marine, the boat shop next to I-40.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop early this afternoon in 32:31, and in the late evening walked the Levy Trail Loop in 31:50.

Levy Trail North/Levy Trail Loop

I walked Levy Trail North through very light rain this morning in 34:52.
This afternoon I walked the Levy Trail Loop in 33:39. It's cool and beautiful out. There were a bunch of moms, dads, and kids on the trail.

Orange Street Loop/Hash/Maple Street Loop

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to complete the Orange Street Loop this morning in 39:34, with splits of 13:19, 13:03, and 13:12.
Basil Julian and I walked for 45:20 through Burns Park on Bill Brass' Hash run this afternoon.
Apparently that wasn't enough. Tonight I walked the Maple Street Loop in 31:15.

Maple Street Loop/Levy Trail

I walked the Maple Street Loop at lunchtime in 31:50. It's sunny, warm, and humid in Levy.
This evening, starting at about a quarter to six, I walked four miles on the Levy Trail in 1:02:37. At 6:49 p.m., it's 84°F.

Levy Trail South/Levy Trail South

Wow, I just now realized I failed to write this morning that I walked Levy Trail South in 32:44 (I think. Thirty-two I know, the seconds not). I started at about 11:45, after the rain slacked off some. This evening I did Levy Trail South again. It was raining slightly when I began but became a thunderstorm after about five minutes. Consequently, fearful of the lightning, I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute walks to get done a little quicker and completed the course in 29:12.

Orange Street Loop/Levy Trail South

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 46:30. It's felt like fall here this last couple of days. I wore blue jeans and a twenty-year-old sweatshirt on my walk.
This evening I walked Levy Trail South in 34:14.

Burns Park Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I was among nine Geezers who walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:45:39. GPS measurements varied from 5.1 to 5.5 miles. I thought for the first couple of years the loop was 5.4. Then 5.0 for the last couple. Who knows? My legs felt good. When I arrived home, I saw Jo walk from Tom's yard toward my porch with a mouth full of dead sparrow.
This evening I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 33:12.

Levy Trail Loop/Levy Trail North

I walked the Levy Trail Loop at lunchtime in 32:25.
This evening I walked two miles north on the Levy Trail in 32:30.

Hash/Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight in 33:42
Yesterday I walked 1.1 miles with the Little Rock Hash in 34:40. We started from a tiny city park way out in East End, not far from the airport, and spent a little over 25 minutes going half a mile through weeds and undergrowth that were at least as dense as any I have encountered on a Hash run.

OVERHEARD

OVERHEARD
"Hey, Pete, you diabetic fuck. Come on over to the Forge. Fuck you."
— telephone message from John Kelley, late Saturday night

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 34:24. It's foggy here.

Levy Trail/Oaklawn Park/NCAA Tournament

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:14.
I made a total of fourteen trips to Oaklawn Park this season and came out ahead $22.70. I lost $16.80 during four trips this week.
Pam 2 finished alone in 15th place in the NCAA Tournament office pool. Pam 1 was 48th.
I predict Jordan Spieth will fold like an old quilt this afternoon.

Levy Trail

I walked north on the Levy Trail this morning in 32:15.

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning, starting at about 9:45 a.m., in 31:04. I believe I reported seeing a kitten on the Levy Trail about half a mile south of 43rd Street back in November or so. Maybe in December (I looked. On Dec. 11). She was there again this morning, only two or three times bigger. It looked at first as if she were stalking me through the tall grass, but I stopped and made my clicking noise and she ran right to me and took a couple of laps around my left leg. She let me pick her up, and I was pleased to see that someone had put a flea collar on her.

Levy Trail Loop/Oaklawn Park

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 31:03.
I won $0.20 at Oaklawn Park today to put me up $39.50 after ten trips.
Pam 2 needs Michigan State to beat Duke today in the NCAA Tournament newspaper pool. If it does, and Kentucky wins the championship two days from now, then she'll finish in a four-way tie for third. The tiebreakers are pretty tight. Pam predicted 128 points will be scored in final. I think someone else predicted 130, and another 122, or something like that. So to win outright, Pam will need the final points total to be between 126 and 128. Oh well. That's what she predicted.

Chandler Street Loop/38th Street Loop

All right, this may sound as if I'm lying, but as I lay in bed this morning before daybreak, wide awake though I had slept no more than three hours, my legs felt springy. The springiness was confirmed with a walk to the bathroom.
I next alternated ninety-second jogs with three-and-a-half minute walks to complete the Chandler Street Loop in 41:12, with splits of 13:54, 14:25, and 12:53, and it was a picnic, absolutely easy.
Tonight I walked the 38th Street Loop in 28:52. Before that I wrote an advance for the Fantasy Stakes that pleased me at least a little. It takes less than five minutes to read.
By the way, I read the word picnic in a short story by Richard Yates this morning and decided to wear it out. I think it will be removed from the following story, and think that would be OK.

PETE PERKINS

HOT SPRINGS — No more than the flesh of their nostrils separated Sarah Sis from Take Charge Brandi. Though it was difficult to tell which filly led, this much was unmistakeable; momentum was with Sarah Sis and she and Take Charge Brandi were inches apart, 30 yards from the finish of the one-mile Martha Washington Stakes at Oaklawn Park.

Felix sat in the jock’s room at Oaklawn on Friday, 30 hours before the start of the Fantasy Stakes, the Grade III, $400,000 apex of Oaklawn Park’s season for three-year-old fillies, and he reminisced. He will ride Sarah Sis in a field of 11 three-year-old fillies over 1 and 1/16th miles in the Fantasy today, with post time scheduled for 5:09 p.m. And Felix said he will ride with confidence, and without hesitation agreed with Sarah Sis’ owner Joe Ragsdale and trainer Ingrid Mason that the assurance they feel was born on the homestretch of the Martha Washington late on the last day of January.

Take Charge Brandi, the Eclipse Award winner as the top two-year-old filly for 2014, won’t get a rematch this season. On the morning of March 10, four days before she was to start in the Grade II Rebel Stakes, trainer D. Wayne Lukas noticed an infirmity, which later that day was diagnosed as a non-displaced chip in her right knee. Lukas said she would miss the next 60 days, thus eliminating her from the Fantasy Stakes and any chance at the Kentucky Oaks, Churchill Downs’ equivalent for fillies to the Kentucky Derby. Take Charge Brandi missed the Grade III, $150,000 Honeybee, the 1-mile and 1/16th stakes race won by Sarah Sis on March 7.

Even with Take Charge Brandi out, none of Sarah Sis’ connections expect a picnic in the Fantasy. Listed at 7-2, she is in fact the second choice to south Florida shipper Feathered, the 3-1 morning-line favorite. “Absolutely, Feathered will be a test,” Mason said. “There are a couple of fillies in there. I mean, they’re all tough.”

Feathered, by Indian Charlie, is trained by Florida-based Racing Hall of Famer Todd Pletcher. Ricardo Santana, Oaklawn’s riding champion last season and the current leader among riders this season, is slotted to ride Feathered. “Todd Pletcher trains horses so that they are ready,” Santana said. “Todd Pletcher trained this horse, so she is ready to win.”

Achiever’s Legacy and Oceanwave are each listed at 5-1, followed by Pangburn and Lady Tapit at 8-1.

Pangburn, by Congrats, is trained by Kenny McPeek, who said he hopes for a fast early pace set by several starters. His filly’s success in four career starts, with two victories, has come with late runs. “We need speed to soften up the front runners, and hopefully we’ll get a dream trip,” McPeek said.

Ragsdale, Mason, and Felix know they’ll face challengers from top to bottom today, but in the Martha Washington there was no doubt that Take Charge Brandi was the three-year-old filly to beat. Felix remembered that he glanced her way with the finish less than two seconds away. He said he thought Sarah Sis had taken a slight lead. Later he didn’t want to specify his precise thought from that moment. Mason said after the race that it’s usually unwise to count on anything before it arrives, a philosophy most horseman adhere to, including Felix. “I don’t think you should count your chickens before they hatch,” Mason said.

Afterward Felix would offer little more than praise for his filly and a grudging salute to Take Charge Brandi, but with a day to go before the Fantasy, he at last acknowledged his thought that formed 30 yards from the Martha Washington wire. “Did I think we would win?” Felix paused to laugh and said, “Yes I did. Yes I did. Yes I did.”

Ragsdale said he thought so, too. “I thought about three jumps before the finish that we were going to get there,” he said. “I really did.”

Two differences stood out before the two fillies pulled nearly even as they crossed a horizontal stripe on the track where the starters had raked less than two minutes earlier, 30 yards out. The first was that Take Charge Brandi was then the classiest three-year-old filly in America, winner of the Eclipse and the Breeder’s Cup championship for two-year-old fillies. Sarah Sis had yet to win a stakes race of any sort. Next was that Sarah Sis had struggled from the start. She was going backward when the gates opened, and then hopped forward and was consequently blocked by fillies to her left and right. Take Charge Brandi started gracefully and immediately took charge. She led all the way into the homestretch and was unchallenged until Sarah Sis cut inside near the rail and pulled close. Then, according to Take Charge Brandi's  jockey Jon Court, and Felix, she reminded Sarah Sis and everyone else at Oaklawn that she was a champion. She suddenly surged forward to win by A nose.

Perhaps there are moral victories. Those close to Sarah Sis left the track that day full of optimism. They all felt their filly should’ve won. It was her first trip around two turns, or beyond six furlongs. Ragsdale said he figured Sarah Sis ran at least 100 yards further than Take Charge Brandi. Mason guessed twice that distance. Felix said the start and the wide trip around the first turn cost Sarah Sis 10 lengths.

But Sarah Sis appeared from the start as a filly with much to overcome. Ragsdale remembers the trip he and Mason made to an auction at Ocala, Fla., in June of 2014. Ragsdale said Mason told him she liked what she saw in Sarah Sis. Ragsdale said he had complete faith in Mason’s judgement, though he was unimpressed by what he saw in Sarah Sis. “She was an ugly ducking to me,” he said. “I guess Ingrid saw athleticism or something in her.”

Ragsdale bought Sarah Sis, who has thus far earned $203,000, for $20,000.

“Ingrid has a great eye for horses,” said Ragsdale, owner of a company in Tulsa that sells oil and gas equipment. “She pointed out several that were out of my price range, and they were all very talented. When she said go for Sarah Sis, she didn’t have to tell me anything else.”

Felix remembers his first ride on Sarah Sis last summer. “It was like kissing a girlfriend for the first time,” he said. “You never forget that. She felt like she could go a lot faster, and a lot further, too.

Sarah Sis proved that in the Martha Washington and confirmed the proof in the Honeybee. She has qualified for the Kentucky Oaks and the chance it offers for unqualified glory.

But first a Fantasy awaits.

“I think we will break sharp tomorrow and then we’ll see what happens,” Felix said. “There are good fillies in there, but I am very confident.”