Burns Park Loop

I jogged four or five times for a total of no more than five minutes, and otherwise walked the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:34:40. My legs are close to recovered, I think. At any rate, they are no longer sore. My shoulder feels much better. In fact, I was up for a couple of hours this morning before I thought about it. I have at least temporarily decided to make Ruth an indoor cat. She's been in since Sunday, and seems to be steadily adapting. Jo hasn't fought with her in my presence since Monday morning.

Levy Trail

I walked three miles on the Levy Trail this afternoon in 48:23. My legs feel better. My shoulder remains very sore.

Orange Street Loop

My left shoulder and chest are so sore they hurt as I breathe, and my legs are virtually lifeless. Nevertheless, I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 47:44. The weathermen, in typical fashion, overstated the potential force of last night's tornados; only fourteen people are known dead. Mayflower and Vilonia were blown halfway to Missouri, but the greater Levy metropolitan area went unscathed. A video just broadcast on KTHV-Ch. 11 showed that the Daylight Donut Shop in Vilonia was leveled. Pam's Boy's thoughts of course go out to donut eaters from that part of Faulkner County.

Levy Loop

My shoulder and legs are sore this morning, but I am confident the former is not injured severely enough to require medical treatment. My feet hurt a little. I had a reasonably comfortable walk this morning on the Levy Loop. It took me 33:34. We had a pretty strong thunderstorm this morning, and they say another will come through this evening and probably kill everyone in Arkansas. I wonder what that would do to the Dow Jones Industrial Average. Ruth meowed at my backdoor early this afternoon. At 4:36 p.m., she is sleeping near the television.

Ouachita Trail 50K

These ultra runs can be so hard for me, particularly when I'm unfit, and it's too hot or cold for my glucometer to work. Those were my excuses today. I got to Turd's aid station at 19 miles and realized that I could no longer measure my blood sugar. I was feeling kind of shaky, and had fallen very hard on my left shoulder about two miles earlier. It was hot. Turd encouraged me to try to make the next aid station. Two miles later, nearing the scenic vista, I was stumbling around like a drunk. I asked Ron to tell the crew ahead that I had dropped, and turned to walk back to Turd's. Here's the new experience that confused me. I did my typical series of mental tests: naming presidents backwards to McKinley, doing simple one-digit-by-two digit multiplication. I even did the ol', How old was Erin Vratil in (name the year). No problem, which worried me a little, as if perhaps I were in some sort of physical jeopardy unrelated to hypoglycemia. I ate two tubes of Peach Cobbler flavored Gu spinoff someone gave me, and ten minutes later felt great and was walking strongly. Fuck. I debated turning back toward the finish. But, I was twenty minute's from Turd's and a bunch of cold beer. I had one tube of gel left, and no water, and chose the beer. Counting that last four miles on the course, plus two roundtrips between the aid station and Turd's house, I covered approximately 25 miles in a total of 7:40:57. I think I'll call it the first training run of my 13-week, Midnight 50K program. I declared today that I'm quitting these races unless I finish somewhat like a normal motherfucker in July. We'll see. I wonder how badly my shoulder will hurt in the morning. I realized when I was at the grocery store a few minutes ago that my left. jaw also took a pretty solid shot (and also that my wallet was in the console of the car in my driveway). On top of all that, I haven't seen Ruth since Wednesday.

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop this morning in 32:03. Now they're predicting 83°F for the high tomorrow, but with low humidity. That might not be so bad. They say it'll be about 53 when we start. My legs felt good when I walked this morning, and now, at about 4 p.m., I feel eager to start. So, here's my new over-under number: 9:47:56. That's an 18:59/mile pace. Starting at about 6:30 this evening, I walked two miles on the Levy Trail about as slowly as I can go, to complete the loop in 33:01. It was very easy. I feel great, but am starting to get nervous. Not about the race, but about the other stuff, like getting up in time, and balancing my blood sugar. Most Pam's Boy readers know the deal, and how those two things relate; I want my blood sugar low when I get up, but not so low that I wake up on my knees at about 8:30. We'll see.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 31:16. My legs felt pretty lively, but the weather forecast for Saturday prevents from monkeying with my Ouachita Trail 50K over-under. They say the high will be 86°F. Considering that I have finished one 50K in three attempts, and the weather, I'll have to set my odds of finishing at 2-1. I'm unsure what to recommend. I do plan to start very slowly, which will give me a chance, but, man, I can imagine getting to Pinnacle on the way back and not wanting to face that final 4.2 miles, or quitting at Bob Turd's. We'll see. I am obviously undertrained.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Pinnacle Mountain

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 30:51. That was faster than expected, particularly considering I stopped for at least a minute, and maybe longer, to help an enormous and apparently deaf and mute man put on a leaf-blower backpack, which was roughly as complex as third-term college geometry. This afternoon I attempted to find the fastest way down the west side of Pinnacle Mountain, and believe I have. There are two keys: first, take the old, shaded trail down to the point where it intersects with the common, yellow trail. Then, take the the yellow trail, and not the new gravel road that connects with the base trail. Those two things saved me a total of about two minutes, so I'm dropping my over-under for the Ouachita Trail 50K to 10:38:46. I climbed to the secondary peak today, which I had never been on, and then to the slightly higher conventional peak. In all, I was on my feet for 1:28:03. No, wait; I sat on a bench for a minute or two. I might have gone two miles, or maybe a little more.

OVERHEARD
"All right you red savages, you want a fight, you've got one!"
—character on Gunsmoke to a group of native Americans and/or white men disguised as native Americans. His comment made Pam's Boy wonder whether anyone at CBS, back in c. 1968, had any misgivings about the character's choice of address, regardless of its accuracy to the era depicted

Levy Trail Loop

I walked the Levy Trail Loop at lunchtime today in 30:27. The Levy Trail Loop involves a loop on 34th, Chandler, 33rd, and Marion Streets,* near the trail's southern end, close to U.S. Pizza and I-40. Late this afternoon I walked two miles on the Levy Trail in 32:13.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "...please and thank you."

OVERHEARD
"Chili dogs is on the application."
—obese, seemingly-friendly man, wearing blue jeans, a dark-gray t-shirt, and a crewcut, to a cashier at Kroger. The context of his comment was unclear, but the cashier laughed. "You know that's right, " she said.

*Marion is a one-block long street that marks the eastern border of Art's Marine, and also is common to the 33rd Street, and Ghetto Cat Loops

Burns Park Loop

I jogged for a total of 18 minutes, and otherwise walked to complete the Burns Park Loop in 1:28:31 this morning, and felt comfortable throughout. It seemed odd to me to have only seen one other person on the trail on such a bright day (a bubbly woman riding a bicycle). I can't decide what to do with the over-under for Saturday's race. ...but now have. I'm going with 10:40:46. If I finish, I'd probably go with the under, but not by much. I'd say there's a very good chance that I'll get to Bob Marsturd's aid station and say, "Fuck it. Give me a beer, and a ride back to the cheeseburgers."

Hash

Ron and Elaine set a Hash run from the skate park on the north side of the Arkansas River. It covered 3.52 miles (according to Tisha's watch), going straight up to Fort Roots, and then straight down to the River Trail near Burns Park Golf Course. I forgot to stop my watch, but think I was out for about fifty minutes.

Burns Park Loop

I walked and jogged the Burns Park Loop this morning in 1:20:07, and felt better than yesterday afternoon. There was a crowd out there. I saw at least ten bikers, and six runners.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next girl or woman who calls another girl or woman "girlfriend," unless they are dating one another, and they use the term as a form of identification for a third party

OVERHEARD
"Wow, you've lapped me. You must be moving pretty fast."
—man riding a bicycle around the Burns Park green loop in the opposite direction from me, the second time we met. I'm still confused

Correction Pam's Boy did not intend to denigrate Alyssa Mastromonaco's profession or job performance in yesterday's "I PLAN TO STAB... ." It should have instead published that it planned to stab "whoever advised [her] choice of comportment on The Charlie Rose Show"

Burns Park Loop

I hoped to take at least two laps of the Burns Park Loop this afternoon, but one was enough. I walked and jogged it in 1:24:16. Now, sitting where I almost always sit, on the end of my couch nearest the desk, my back kind of hurts, and I'll bet I'm hungrier than Jerry Lee was the night I first heard him say he was hungrier than two motherfuckers. It was warm, and little muggy this afternoon. I might try the loop tomorrow morning.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...whoever advised Alyssa Mastromonaco—the worst guest The Charlie Rose Show has had—to become what she has become

Levy Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Trail

I walked the Levy Ghetto Cat Loop, starting at about 9:15 this morning, in 28:44. Early this evening I walked two miles on the Levy Trail in 30:24.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...whoever told Charlie Rose it would be a good idea to have Alyssa Mastromonaco "for the hour."

Fort Roots Loop

I walked the Fort Roots Loop from Burns Park Golf Course with the Geezers this morning in 1:45:05. We went 5.52 miles, according to Bob McKinney's great big watch. My Jo bite hurt. I'm a little concerned.

Levy Trail

I walked three miles on the Levy Trail this evening in 45:39.

Ridge Road Loop

I walked the Ridge Road Loop this afternoon in 1:02:35. It's cold today, and soaking wet. Fuck it. I'm moving to Panama.

Bubba Watson gets too mad, so I'm not a fan. I did, however, like that he celebrated his Masters' victory with his wife and friends at a Waffle House.

Levy Trail

I walked two miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 32:10. My toe already feels better. I'm for Jordan Spieth, but mostly a great finish. There are currently thirteen players within four strokes. Crazy.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who invites Doris Kearns Goodwin to appear as an authority on anything other than one of her books. I'm going to hire a Hollywood agent to propose my latest horror movie idea, Escape from Doris Kearns Goodwin. Did I miss something? Did she win the Boston Marathon last year?

Levy Trail

I jogged for about four minutes, but otherwise walked two miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 28:40. Jo bit my left, fourth toe, in a fight with Ruth at about three this morning. I got up, washed the toe very carefully, went back to sleep, and woke with slight bruise just below the nail. When I got in from my walk/jog, most of my toe had turned purple. The Internet insisted I go to the emergency room. Cat bites can be filthy, and, due to the syringe-like quality of cat's teeth, don't drain nearly as well as a dog bites. After Dr. Keith Brown confirmed what I had read (as we watched the Masters), and sent me for x-rays, he said he didn't believe an infection had set in, but gave me five days worth of horse-pill-sized antibiotics just in case.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop tonight in 30:39, hoping the whole while that Bubba Watson does not win the Masters, unless it comes down to him and the Sarah McLachlan lookalike.

OVERHEARD
"No, my entire game is bad. The putting just makes it look worse."
—Craig Stadler, after his round Thursday, responding to someone who asked him if he thought his putting was to blame for his 82. Stadler used 35 putts

"I'd like to thank Kevin for getting me invited to the press room for the first time in about twenty years."
—Craig Stadler, speaking of his son Kevin, who scored 70 on Thursday. They became the first father and son to play in the same Masters

Orange Street Loop/NCAA

I walked the Orange Street Loop tonight in 45:53. Jo finished third in the paper's NCAA Tournament contest. I think she'll win about $35.

Foggy Bottom Drive Loop

FLORRISANT, Mo.—I walked and jogged the Foggy Bottom Drive Loop this morning in 25:26, in the blue jeans and sweater I later wore to watch the Reds wear out the fucking Cardinals, 4-0. It was the first time Cincinnati has ever beaten St. Louis when I was there with Jim and/or John. It was great, for me. Then we ate at Juniper's and it was fantastic. You must eat there if you are ever in St. Louis. John's fried chicken was as good as any I have eaten. No shit. He brines it twenty-four hours in fish sauce and water, and adds about a teaspoon of baking powder for each cup of flour, seasoned with cayenne, paprika, garlic, and file´ (a Cajun spice heretofore unfamiliar to me). I can't wait to try his recipe, perhaps Friday, or Saturday. I also ate grits with tons of butter and big goddamn shrimp, and a salad made of fresh collard greens. P.S. When I brag about John to Richard tomorrow, I'll ask him to pray for Bear.

Buffalo Wild Wings/NCAA

FLORRISANT, Mo.—I stopped this evening at a Buffalo Wild Wings in Poplar Bluff, Mo. Before I ate, and watched a bit of the Reds-Cardinals game on television, I walked for 34:27 through a neighborhood off U.S. 67B. Then I had a remarkably good cheeseburger at the bar, served by a borderline perfect bartender/waitress, as I watched the Reds take a 4-0 lead. Moments before I pulled into Jim's and Karen's, I heard the last of the Cardinals 7-5 victory on my Impala's radio. After Jim went to bed, I called up an email from office-pool commissioner Spencer Willems to see that I finished tied with him for second with 64 points, but lost the tiebreaker to drop to third. Some guy whose name I've forgotten won with 66 points. However, in the standings I was presented Friday, I also had 66 points. So, heck, I don't know what to think, other than Spencer is fucking awful.

Orange Street Loop/NCAA

I walked the Orange Street Loop tonight in 45:12. It looks as if I will have to watch the NCAA Tournament final tonight without knowing what to hope for. Spencer, the commissioner, said he has to work, that he'll try to let me know as soon as possible. Fuck. The reason we gamble is to make us care who wins between Kentucky and Connecticut, or, in this case, how many total points ten mentally retarded future fucking millionaires can score in two hours.

Levy Trail/NCAA/Hash

I walked and jogged two miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 25:45, all of it through a cool drizzle. I went 3.5 miles with the Hash this afternoon, from some new guys downtown Little Rock condo, through the ghetto. I didn't wear a watch, but I'd guess we were out for an hour or so. My legs are deader than Mickey Rooney. I don't know for sure where Jo stands in the NCAA bracket contest at the paper, but most likely, I think, she is tied for first, and will end that way. No one in contention had Connecticut or Kentucky in their Final Four, I don't think. The tiebreaker is total points scored in tomorrow night's game. The commish will have to remind me of Jo's tiebreaker prediction. I have been in one other tiebreaker—for third, in 2001. Mom was tied with at least two other people, including Rick McFarland, and she hit it. I remember doing basic algebra with a calculator to keep track of the scoring pace after each minute of the game.

Levy Trail

I alternated one-minute jogs with four-minute-walks on the Levy Trail to go from here to Camp Robinson and back in 1:08:35.

Orange Street Loop/NCAA Tournament

I walked the Orange Street Loop this evening in 45:09, a couple of hours after I got the latest report from Spencer, the new Arkansas Democrat-Gazette NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament Bracket Commissioner (who sucks). He wrote that no one near the lead has anyone but Florida winning. Jo is tied for the lead with someone whose name I have forgotten, and Spencer wrote that he did not have Florida in the championship game. Consequently, I think, Jo will win the contest if Florida defeats Connecticut tomorrow, and that she will finish no worse than tied for first no matter what. Then it would come down to the tiebreaker, which will be decided upon predictions of total points scored in the championship game. I don't know what Jo predicted; she forgot to write it down. Whatever, it looks as if a Perkins entrant will win money for the third time. Mother finished third in 2000, and Pam third in, I think, 2009. I'm not sure, but I think first place will pay $219, which will almost pay for all the shoes I've bought the last couple of months. Go Florida.

Burns Park Loop

I walked the Burns Park Loop with the Geezers this morning in 1:43:29. On hand were Ron and Elaine, Bill Brass, Steve Hughes, and Sandy Venable.

Levy Trail

I and five other Geezers walked about four and a half miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 1:16:20. Bill Brass and I jogged non-stop for 1.05 miles, but I failed to time it. It probably took us pretty close to 12 minutes.

Cooks Landing/NCAA

I walked about six miles with the Geezers at Cooks Landing this morning in 1:48:44. My legs are as dead as I feared. Until a couple of minutes ago, I didn't know where Jo or Pam stood in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette NCAA Tournament bracket contest. The new commissioner is not nearly as good as Walt Webb, or Kane Webb before. Jo will go into the Final Four in a two-way tie for first, among 73 entrants, and Pam in an eight-way tie for thirteenth. Both have Florida beating Arizona in the championship game, but Florida is the only Final Four team from their brackets still alive. I don't know who anyone else has picked (Kane and Walt always let us know). I guess if Florida wins Saturday and Monday, Jo will have a pretty good chance of at least finishing in the Top 3. We'll see.