Hallsville/Bayou Golf Club

HALLSVILLE, Texas—I walked and jogged for 32:31 through my cousin Jill's neighborhood this morning. It's called Rutland something. Maybe Rutland Court. Something like that. My legs felt fine, which pleased me almost as much as the ease with which I stepped out of bed at 5:30 a.m.

I golfed at Bayou Golf Club in Texas City, Texas, this afternoon, and scored 50 for the first nine holes. I used 17 putts.

Cook's Landing/Hallsville

Bob McKinney, Sandy Venable, and I walked exactly 6.5 miles in 1:45:09 from Cook's Landing this morning. It was crazy windy, with gusts of nearly fifty miles an hour. Oh, yeah, let's see: that's a 13:28:50.8 fifty-mile pace. I'd have to guess what my fifty-mile pace was early this evening in Hallsville, Texas (Hallsville is part of the greater Longview metropolitan area). I walked for 24:37 through my cousin Jill Bayless' neighborhood, before she got home from work. I think I went about a mile and a half, giving me eight for the day. I know I miss Pam, Sam, and Jo.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:42.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "I'm a fiscal conservative." I want to hear someone say, "I'm a fiscal liberal, but a social conservative." Imagine that. It reminds me of my 2003 refrain: "I'm for the war, but against the troops."

Orange Street Loop/Maple Street Loop

Man, it's 69°F in Levy. It's windy and muggy. Here's hoping it's 69 in Huntsville, Texas, next Saturday afternoon, but calm and dry. I walked and jogged the Orange Street Loop this morning in 43:34, which is a 12:06:40 fifty-mile pace. This evening I walked and jogged the Maple Street Loop in 28:04, or at an 11:41:49 fifty-mile pace.

Levy Loop/Hash

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop this morning in 29:39, which is a 12:21:15 fifty-mile pace. People without televisions are lucky. They didn't have to spend all of this morning watching Hillary Clinton yelling and crying, a repeat of the only thing broadcast by National Public Radio last Wednesday. Jesus. I wish I had some goddamn Busch Light. I just got in from Hash, and I bet it would go nicely with the pork chops and cabbage frying on my stove. I was out for forty-five minutes. Bill Brass' watch said we went 2.6 miles

Maple Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Maple Street Loop this afternoon in 28:55.

Fort Roots

I walked with Ron Gimblet and Bob McKinney this morning from the parking lot of Burns Park Golf Course up to and around a series of new trails near Fort Roots for 2:01:45. We jogged for a total of about five minutes. According to Bob's watch, we covered 6.32 miles. That's a 16:03:12.7 fifty-mile pace. It snowed a little bit on us. Now hours later, it's sunnier than two motherfuckers, and clear enough to see the Arab Spring didn't amount to dick. Too bad. I think those butts should drink a few twelve-packs of Busch Light and go the fuck home.

Oaklawn Park

HOT SPRINGS, Ark.—I lost forty cents at Oaklawn Park today. After three trips, I'm up twenty cents. No kidding, twenty cents. Afterward, I walked the two-mile, out-and-back course from the track to my car in 33:30.

Two Rivers Park/First Tee

Man, I'm exhausted, and hungry as hell. I walked for 1:26:09 with Ron and Elaine, Bill Brass, Bob McKinney, and Sandy Venable this morning through Two Rivers Park. I guess we went about five miles. I left to get a haircut, and then drove directly to First Tee where I played two rounds of the par-three course, and the first four holes of the big course. I played two balls each loop on the par-three, and scored nines of 35, 34, 34, and 30. I had 14 pars, 18 bogies, and 4 doubles, and used 34 and 30 putts. I sucked on the regular course, and quit in frustration. I went par, double, bogie, and triple.

River Trail

I walked and jogged a total of eleven miles this morning on the River Trail, the Big Dam Bridge, and into Two Rivers Park. It took me 2:57:27. I walked the first five miles with Ron and Elaine in 1:34:02, and walked and jogged the final six alone in 1:23:25. It was cold, and windy. I'm still almost shivering an hour later.

Oaklawn Park/Orange Street Loop

HOT SPRINGS, Ark.—Here's a cool thing from Oaklawn Park; I was standing at the rail with Tom Zaloudek as horses in the first race began their post parade. While I checked my Daily Racing Form, I heard a woman's voice from the track. "Hey, Pete." Of course I knew it was Greta Kuntzweiler. "Greta. How are you kiddo?" Tom told everyone. "No, she called out his name from the track. I mean, it was like she just saw him, you know, at a grocery store or something." It made me wonder how many times in our lives we miss simple opportunities like Greta's to make someone's day (not counting the part about her being on the back of colt named J.B.'s Shyster). Tom and Corky, and Tim and Kelly Cooper joined me on my second trip to the track, where I won a net of $9.30. I'm now up exactly sixty cents for the season. After I got home, to celebrate, I jogged the Orange Street Loop non-stop in 31:33, with splits of 11:01, 10:26, and 10:06.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 30:46. That's all I plan to do. There are exactly three football games left this season, and two of them are this afternoon and evening. Consequently, I won't leave my couch.

Park Hill Loop/First Tee

The first-ever Park Hill Loop Pageant drew four solid contestants. There was a jogging latina, a walking latina, and Mary Lyons and her friend Courtney. The jogger got the nod. She had a little Greta Kuntzweiler in her, with an extra cute, engaging smile, and a stylish outfit—black Adidas pants and a black North Face windbreaker. I walked and jogged the loop twice in 2:25:39, with the first five miles in 1:13:39, and the second in 1:12:00. My mile splits varied from 13:20 to 15:29. I think I might be able to go two laps of the Rocky Raccoon at that pace. About two hours later, after I hit a bucket of range balls, I played First Tee's par-three course in 37, with 2 pars, 5 bogies, 1 double, and 1 triple (at least partially caused by a freakish, 130-yard pitching wedge on No. 9). I used 16 putts.

STAN MUSIAL OBITUARY
I have a Stan Musial story. In April of 1988, I was in the pressbox of the old Busch Stadium. I got on the elevator, and, one floor down, Fred Bird got on board. You know, Fred Bird, the mascot. I tried talking to him, but, of course, got no response, other than nods and such. We went down another floor, and friggin' Stan Musial got on. So, it's Fred Bird, Stan Musial, and me. I was so awed I couldn't think of anything to say. I mean, I'm on an elevator almost alone with Stan Musial, except for this stuffed Cardinal. I have given the matter twenty-five years of thought, and still have no idea what I should've said. It's awful that Stan's died, but at least I don't have to worry about a repeat of that circumstance.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this evening in 31:01. It remained too cold to golf this afternoon, or to practice. We'll see about tomorrow.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 45:18. It was 52°F and sunnier than two motherfuckers, the nicest it's been in a while. If the ground weren't so wet, I'd golf. I might try tomorrow. I'm encouraged by something I just saw on the Golf Channel. Bo Van Pelt had finished the tenth hole of the Humana Challenge at La Quinta, Calif., when they put up graphic that said he had walked 3.9 miles and burned 1,100 calories. I have always suspected my estimate of 700 calories burned for eighteen holes was conservative. On the other hand, Van Pelt's pace would have him burning 1,980 for a round, which seems too much. I don't know.

Burns Park Loop

I walked the Burns Park Loop this morning with Bill Brass, Ron and Elaine, and Sandy Venable in 1:39:46.

Burns Park Loop

I walked the Burns Park Loop this morning with Ron and Elaine Gimblet, and Bill Brass. It was cold, mid-20s or so, and windy. We walked the loop in 1:37:28. Ten minutes into it, it started sleeting. The sleet turned to snow after about an hour. Now there's a dusting of it across Levy. I'll tell you what, I don't give a darn about this winter wonderland bullshit. I'm ready to golf.

Burns Park Loop

This will sound like an exaggeration, but it's not: I was almost exactly ten feet from my car and the finish of a 9.6-mile run when I tripped over a root and fell directly into parking lot gravel. I skinned knees and palms, and there's a slice above my right knee that I predict will leave a mark. Fuck. The fall marred an otherwise nice morning. I walked and jogged two laps of the Burns Park Loop in 2:56:27, with loops of 1:28:18, and 1:28:09. It was cold, below freezing throughout. Sleet fell for a couple of minutes in the middle of the second lap.

Maple Street Loop/Hash/NFL

It rained for eighteen hours from yesterday afternoon through this morning. When it started, the temperature was 74°F, a Levy record for the date (I think). Now, at four minutes before noon, it's 38, and I'm disappointed. I was hopeful that global warming had finally taken command.

I'm not sure what effect the cold had, if any, but my legs felt downright springy as I walked and jogged the Maple Street Loop this morning in 27:28, and they still felt good late in the afternoon, as I inched forward with the Hash for 40:08, by the Arkansas River on the Little Rock side near the I-430 bridge. We were in woods so thickly littered by fallen trees that I'm sure we didn't go quite two miles.

The San Francisco 49ers pounded the Green Bay Packers 45-31 in the NFL playoff quarterfinals last night. I am disappointed, of course, but remain moved by the game's historical significance. In case you missed this morning's headlines, no NFL quarterback before Colin Kaepernick had won a playoff game with tattoos all the fuck over him. I'm sure tattooed people everywhere are delighted, except perhaps in Levy and Wisconsin.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next public address announcer who tells people to remove their hats, or to stand. Believe it or not, most of the Americans in the bleachers are patriots and know what to do when the Star Spangled Banner plays. I wonder when these motherfuckers will start reminding them not to chew gum unless they've brought enough for everyone

Burns Park

My legs were deader than frozen yogurt this morning, so I aborted an attempt of the Burns Park Loop after about fifteen minutes. Instead, I cut through an RV park (which is enormous, much larger than I had imagined over the years of driving or running by its southern perimeter) back to my car. I was out for 34:46.

Levy Loop/Oaklawn Park

This is textbook good weather. It's 54°F, bluer than my back bedroom, and as calm as Elsie—perfect conditions for me to turn Oaklawn Park into Blow Me Downs. I tested them this morning as I walked the Levy Loop in 30:06. They say it'll get up to 65, but I don't think it did. Maybe 60. It was nice. I lost $8.70. I have a new, roughly two-mile, out-and-back course for walking and/or jogging after the races. It takes me about eight minutes to walk to my car, so I kept walking past it for another 11:30, and then back. I was out for 30:32.

OVERHEARD
"Hey, Larry, lend me ten dollars. If I win, I guarantee I'll pay you back. And if I lose, I guarantee you'll never see me again."

—loud, fun-loving middle-aged man in a large group of drunks at Oaklawn Park. His comment was followed by loud laughter, Larry saying, "Well, fuck, I guess I'd win either way," and louder laughter (I'm telling you, this group of men and women were as delighted as drunks get)

"This motherfucker heavy."
—young man to another as they unloaded a couch from a pickup truck on 38th Street, half a block west of Orange on Friday morning

38th Street Loop/Burns Park Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop through a drizzle this morning in 31:41. It's supposed to pour most of the day, but didn't. The front rolled just—I mean, just—east of Levy and Burns Park. Understand, it rained a lot last night, so the Burns Park Loop* was much sloppier today than I've seen it, but the weather was dry this afternoon, and warm, in the 60s. I ran in golf clothes, and felt fantastic all the way. I walked and jogged the loop in 1:27:17. Yesterday I jogged for a total of nine minutes, and today for twenty, which helps to explain the nine-minute improvement. I have never before published splits for this loop, but will here, and perhaps from here forward. It is divided distinctly into thirds—from the start at the basketball court to the Boy Scout Trail parking lot, to the BMX track, and from there in. My splits were 26:34, 31:23, and 29:20.

*you know, since this is about the only loop I do in Burns Park, I don't need a silly name for it

Lime Green Loop

Man, I gotta tell you, I like the Lime Green Loop a lot. I think an easy lap of it four or five times a week might be perfect for long-term health. I wish I lived closer than three miles from it. I walked and jogged it this morning and early afternoon in 1:36:20, and finished with tons left.

My right knee, now twelve and half days after it was injured, remains ever so slightly stiff. That's it. I think it'll be fine.

Lime Green Loop

I walked and jogged the Burns Park Lime Green Loop this morning in 1:31:21. It was easy. And, oh yeah, hats off to the bike fucks; the trail was perfectly clear.

OVERHEARD
"He's got to learn how to play from the pocket, because if he keeps running around like he did Sunday, then he's gonna spend the rest of his career standing on the sideline wearing a knee brace the size of a midget."
—ESPN analyst Jalen Rose on Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III

York Gary Loop-Nashville City Park

NASHVILLE—The York Gary Loop passes through Nashville City Park, which has a half-mile loop my mother walked for years, so I combined the two to cover about five miles this afternoon in 1:15:49.

Hash

I walked 2.2 miles with Basil Julian and Tom Zaloudek and a mixture of three or four other people from John Kelly's house at the Little Rock Hash House Harriers' 2000th run today. BJ, of all people, got a GPS watch. We walked a .44-mile loop five times.

Apparently the experts were correct. I had nothing to worry about. The Packers beat Minnesota, 24-10, and will play at San Francisco next Saturday night. I feel much better about their chance against the 49ers.

Orange Street Loop/NFL

I walked and jogged the Orange Street Loop this morning in 42:30. I'm not sure why, but my legs were deader than two doornails. Perhaps I'm worn out from worrying so much about the Green Bay Packers-Minnesota Vikings game tonight [not to beat two dead horses, but all of the experts keep telling me I have nothing to worry about, despite Minnesota's 34-31 victory over Green Bay last Sunday. Obviously the Packers need to avoid spotting the fucking Vikings a 13-0, first-quarter lead like last week, but, either way, I expect a tussle.].

By the way, I'm cheering for the Houston Texans, even though I picked Cincinnati to win. NFL teams are good for cities, I think. I can't help but imagine a winning one would be even better.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who uses the word "narrative," unless they're talking about something written

Lime Green Loop/NFL

The bicycle nerds did a nice job of clearing the Lime Green Loop* in Burns Park. Unfortunately, I suspect yesterday's wind blew a bunch more trees over. I had to climb over or pick my way around at least a dozen as I walked and jogged the loop in 1:30:25 this morning.

Here are my NFL playoff predictions: 1st round; Seattle def. Washington, Green Bay def. Minnesota, Indianapolis def. Baltimore, and Cincinnati def. Houston. 2nd round; Green Bay def. San Francisco, Seattle def. Atlanta, Denver def. Cincinnati, and New England def. Indianapolis. Semifinal round; Seattle def. Green Bay, and Denver def. New England. Super Bowl; Denver def. Seattle.

*this is my new name for the Basketball Court Loop. Except for the c. 150-yard hike to and from the basketball court parking lot, the entire loop was blazed with lime green paint on tree trunks. I figure the name might help the cyber archeologists who find this blog a few hundred thousand years from now

South Main Street

Man, I can't remember the name of the place we walked from this morning. It's immediately south of I-630 on Main Street in Little Rock, and the word "Bread" appears in its name. It's been there a long fucking time. Jen Reynolds took me there at least once in the mid-1990s. It's pretty close to Larry's Pizza. We took a tour directed by Bob McKinney that covered maybe three miles in 57:41. He showed us a few neat spots. I was joined by the regular crew, and by a man named Nick Williams I golfed with a few years ago.

Hardcastle Loop

I jogged and walked the Hardcastle Loop tonight in 38:41. It's cold. Pam and Jo rushed in when I finished. Sam seems happy that I picked her up and carried her in.

Basketball Court Loop

I walked the Basketball Court Loop at Burns Park this afternoon in 1:35:51. I jogged for three or four minutes to test the knee. It's close to healed. The trail was muddy in spots, and littered by twigs and branches and a few limbs. Those fucking bike riders have some work ahead of them.