Rhapsody Lane Loop/Foggy Bottom Drive Loop/DFL

FLORRISANT, Mo.—I love the names of some of the streets in the Jim & Karen Perkins Neighborhood. Foggy Bottom Drive, for instance. This morning I jogged the four-mile Rhapsody Lane Loop in 40:56, with splits of 10:39, 10:12, 10:01, and 10:04. I believe those can be considered consistently negative splits, since the last mile is uphill nearly every step of the way. I felt wonderful. In fact, and I have considered this carefully, I might have just had my best, most-comfortable run in metropolitan St. Louis since the summer of 1976. Maybe I should start eating five pounds of Chinese buffet food the night before all of my runs.

Late this evening, I walked the Foggy Bottom Drive Loop in 30:43.

The DFL Green Bay Packers lead the Oklahoma Joes, 135.74-60.44, after Sunday's play, and can't lose, short of a parting-of-the-Red-Sea sort of miracle. The NFL Packers defeated the New Orleans Saints, 28-27.

Maple Street Loop/Foggy Bottom Drive Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 33:23, a nice warmup for a six-hour drive. This evening in Florrisant, Mo., I walked the Foggy Bottom Drive Loop in 30:01.

Levy Trail/Senior Center/Levy Loop Classic

I walked the Levy Trail this morning from my house to Camp Robinson and back (5.2 miles) in 1:23:18, and this afternoon swam 1000 yards at the Hays Senior Center in 24:19, with 250 splits of 6:07, 6:17, 6:06, and 5:49. This evening I walked Levy Loop Classic in 29:47. Karen had some family issues that have delayed my trip to St. Louis until tomorrow (Saturday) morning.

Unfortunately, I had to declare Keegan Bradley's wife the winner of the Miss Ryder Cup Pageant, at least the Levy version, since I saw only her and Phil Mickelson's wife. I'm not sure what her name is, but I'm calling her Phil Mickelson's Wife Jr. They both were as blonde as two motherfuckers.

River Trail

I walked and jogged fourteen miles on the River Trail this morning, from the downtown, I-30 bridge to the Big Dam Bridge and back, in 3:17:50, with approximate splits* of 14:41, 13:23, 14:20, 15:10, 13:55, 15:08, 14:03, 14:01, 14:48, 13:33, 13:13, 14:52, 13:10, and 13:33. Overall, that's an 11:50:07 fifty-mile pace.

*a fucktard pulled down all twenty-eight of the quarter, half, three-quarter, and mile signs, so I had to guess where several of them used to be

Hermann Park/downtown Houston/Levy Loop/Maple Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

HOUSTON—Erin and I played Hermann Park Golf Course in Houston on Monday and scored 114 and 104, respectively. We later walked from a downtown bar, past Minute Maid Park, for 34:59. Last night, back in Levy, I walked the Levy Loop in 33:24. This morning I walked the Maple Street Loop in 31:47, and I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this evening in 32:10.

My legs felt awful this morning, a feeling I believe attributable to my diet on my drive home from the Vratils and last night here in Levy. For the day, I ate eighteen fried chicken gizzards [from Chicken Express in Henderson, Texas (not Marshall)], and a big bowl of angel hair pasta stirred up with a bunch of butter and pesto. They felt better this evening, but not much.

OVERHEARD
"The NFL is too cheap to pay for the best officials, and so it just goes to show that you pay for what you get. You pay for what you get."
—caller fucking up a cliche on a northeast Texas radio show

Trail/Hash

SEABROOK, Texas—I walked about two miles this morning as my hosts walked their dogs, Scout, Soccorro, and Bear, on some trails a few miles from their house, and then walked and jogged six miles in and around Hermann Park near downtown Houston this afternoon.

Hermann Park Golf Course/Seabrook/Dog Park

SEABROOK, Texas—I played eleven holes of golf with Chris and Erin Vratil at Hermann Park Golf Course in Houston yesterday evening, and scored a 46 for nine holes, and three-over-par ll for two extra holes. Chris scored a 52, and Erin a 56. At about 10:30 p.m., Chris and Erin accompanied me as I walked two miles in roughly thirty-five minutes.

Late Saturday evening I jogged one mile around a dog park, and then walked and jogged about seven and a half miles with Erin from the dog park to the Vratil estate. I believe we spent an hour and thirty-nine minutes on the route.

Levy Loop/Senior Center/Maple Street Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:08, and also swam intervals at the Hays Senior Center. I did  10x100 yards in 57.8, 56.9, 57.1, 56.1, 56.7, 56.0, 56.1, 56.0, 54.1, and 54.8. I warmed up with 250 yards and down with 100. This evening I walked and jogged the Maple Street Loop in 26:43. My legs are a bit shot. I probably should not have jogged so much last night, the day after my five-mile run.

The Reds defeated the Cubs 5-2 this afternoon to become the first team to clinch a playoff spot.

34th Street Loop/First Tee/Humpin' Hash

I walked the 34th Street Loop this morning in 46:27, and played eighteen holes at First Tee this morning and afternoon in 98, with nines of 51 and 47. I had 1 birdie (my first of the year, I think), 1 par, 8 bogies, 5 doubles, 3 triples, and used 34 putts. It was cool enough for me to wear 1 glove, and a black shirt, which I also wore for the Humpin' Hash. In fact, I wore the same short pants for both. We started and ended at the Flying Saucer, with a stop at, I believe, E.J.'s (you know, the sandwich shop once favored by the women's Rugby team). I walked and jogged and stood around for a total of 49:54, and, according to Who the Hell is Misty's telephone, covered 3.78 miles.

River Trail/Levy Trail

This was the best I have felt in a long while, and the longest I've run non-stop in over a year. I jogged five miles on the River Trail this morning, out and back from the Big Dam Bridge, in 53:38, with splits of 10:47, 10:49, 10:41, 10:53, and 10:28. It was sunny and dry, with a hard wind blowing from the north, and about 65°F.

Late this afternoon I walked two miles on the Levy Trail in 31:41.

Senior Center/Ghetto Cat Loop/DFL

Intervals in the pool last week might have helped. I swam 1000 yards this afternoon at the Hays Senior Center in 24:57, about a minute and a half faster than my first two attempts. Furthermore, these yards were much easier. At no point did I think I might drown. Maybe two hours later, starting at about 4:45 p.m., I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 29:44 through soft rain. It's 70°F, fucking perfect.

Demaryius Thomas caught eight passes for 78 yards and one touchdown to score 16.44 points for the DFL's Green Bay Packers in their 83.46-69.85, come-from-behind victory over the Capitol City Redskin. Next up for the Packers are their arch rival, the Krupacabras (formerly Krup's Kids).

OVERHEARD
"I eat at Waffle House before every game. I always do. I just think the grease helps get my juices flowing."
—Atlanta Falcons receiver Roddy White

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "I'm just saying"

Maple Street Loop/Hash/DFL

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 29:26, and this afternoon ran Hash for 46:15 way the fuck out in west Little Rock.

The DFL Packers trail the Capitol City Redskin 69.85-67.02 after Sunday's play. The Redskin are done. The Packers have one more player to go, Denver Broncos receiver Demaryius Thomas. He should start tomorrow on Monday Night Football. He must score 2.84 points, which won't take much—one catch for 26 yards would do it, or two for 22 yards, or three for 20 yards. One touchdown would do it. He scored a little over 18 points last week. Still, I have lost at least a handful of games over the years in similar circumstances. We'll see.

OVERHEARD
"At times like this, sometimes I wonder why the game ever became so popular here."
—Judy Rankin, as the wind blew rain horizontally at the Women's Open Championship on the west coast of England, near Liverpool

North Little Rock High

It was 67°F with a comfortable drizzle at the North Little Rock High track this morning. I ran 2x5x200 meters with two-minute intervals between the 200s and four-minutes between the sets, in 56.5, 56.8, 53.4, 54.2, 52.1, and 54.9, 53.4, 53.8, 53.9, and 46.6. I jogged and walked a half mile for my warmup and warm down.


OVERHEARD
"Yeah, I think they oughta change they name and shit. I mean, hell, Redskins a damn insult to Indians everywhere."
—DFL Green Bay Packers kicker Dan Bailey, on the name of his team's next opponent, the Capitol City Redskins

"A problem w/ fantasy sports is that the Packers just beat the cow shit out of the Bears, and I'm pissed." 
—Pete Perkins, owner of the National Football League and Democrat Football League Green Bay Packers, after both teams' starting quarterback Aaron Rodgers scored 18.75 fantasy points (when he was expected to score at least 32) in the NFL Packers' 23-10 victory over the Chicago Bears on Thursday night

34th Street Loop/Senior Center

I walked the 34th Street Loop this morning in 46:24, and swam at the Hays Senior Center. I did 5x100 yards in 2:13.7, 2:12.5, 2:11.3, 2:10.2, and 2:10.2, with a sixty-second interval. I swam 250 yards as a warmup and 100 down. Ninety minutes later I was at Craig's, eating ribs with Tim Cooper. That's gotta be the best $8.20 plate of food on earth.

Levy Trail

I walked two miles on the Levy Trail this morning in 31:56.

River Trail

I walked and jogged ten miles on the River Trail this morning in 2:19:12, with splits between 13:22 (Mi. 6) and 14:20 (Mi. 5). I averaged 13:55 a mile, or an 11:35:50 fifty-mile pace. The last three miles were hard. I have a long way to go.

Levy Trail/Senior Center/First Tee/DFL

I walked the Levy Trail this morning in 29:52, and swam 10X50 yards at the Hays Senior Center. I warmed up with a 500 in 6:38, and did the 50s, with sixty second intervals, in 58.3, 57.9, 57.8, 56.9, 58.6, 58.0, 57.3, 59.6, 55.9, and 56.1. My 500 warmdown took 6:46. My hope is that these intervals will help make my non-stop, 1000-yard efforts easier. I met a nice woman named Donna, and nice man named Tommy.

This afternoon I played eighteen holes on the par-three course in 71, with nines of 37 and 34. I had 6 pars, 10 bogies, and 2 doubles, and used 34 putts.

The DFL Green Bay Packers held on last night to defeat the Mudville Nine, 110.95-79.98, in the season-opener.

Maple Street Loop/Hays Center/DFL

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:58. It's perfect out for the second consecutive day. I believe I will golf tomorrow. I rowed 5,175 meters at the Hays Center, at the highest level, or level ten.

The DFL Green Bay Packers had a nice start yesterday, and currently hold a 110.95-55.84 lead over the Mudville Nine. My players have finished, but Mudville has a quarterback and a tight end playing tonight. They are capable of combining for fifty-five or more points, but it's unlikely they will. Unfortunately, the NFL Green Bay Packers lost to the San Francisco 49ers, 30-22.

OVERHEARD
"I love Monday Night when our team's off. All I do is sit, drink like a sturgeon, and cheer like hell for knee injuries."
—DFL Green Bay receiver Hakeem Nicks before the start of tonight's Monday Night Football games

34th Street Loop

Man, I guess it's nice just about everywhere this morning (unless you're a big Razorback fan and watched your team lose to Louisiana-Monroe last night). I walked and jogged the 34th Street Loop in 39:24, and saw lots of people outside.

The Green Bay Packers open their Democrat Football League season against the Mudville Nine this afternoon. Mudville has traditionally sucked, but I faxed all of my players the stories from the Arkansas—Louisiana-Monroe game, and wrote across the top that this is no time to get complacent and shit.

Hays Center

I walked the Levy Trail to and from the Hays Center in 22:09 and 22:40, and rowed 5513 meters in half an hour.

Levy Loop/Hays Center/Levy Trail

My heel barely hurt this morning as I walked the Levy Loop in 29:20. If it had felt this way under normal circumstances, I would've noticed it, but been unconcerned.

Goddamn, man, this swimming is hard. I guess I counted correctly the other day, because I did 1000 yards at the Hays Center this morning in 26:16. My pulse rate was 160 beats a minute when I finished, which is probably within fifteen beats of my max, and I swear to god, I was going as slowly as I could go without sinking.

This afternoon I walked the Levy Trail in 31:59.

OVERHEARD
"You know, I was just thinking, 'What kind of dumbass motherfucker's walking right down the middle of the fucking street, parallel to a fucking sidewalk.' And then I was like, 'Oh, right. Fucking Perkins.' "
—Sam Hardcastle, who was a hard-drinking, funny-as-hell Hasher from c. 1985-95, from his pickup truck on 35th Street

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says "conscious effort"

38th Street Loop

My left heel hurts. It feels as if I stepped hard on a rock or pebble, though I don't believe I have. I know I haven't had a hypoglycemic event significant enough to have left me unaware of anything like that. All I know is that it hurt when I stepped out of bed yesterday and this morning, and that it felt better after I walked the 38th Street Loop in 32:35.

Hays Senior Center/Levy Trail

I swam 1000 yards at the Hays Senior Center this morning in 26:20. I think I might've swum 1050 yards. I know I went through 500 yards in twelve minutes, and somewhere around fifteen or sixteen laps I sort of lost count. It's been a month short of nine years since I last swum laps, and I forgot my key of saying each lap out loud. You know, "One...two..." Even if I did swim an extra lap, that's still the slowest I've ever swum. A routine time for me nine years ago would've been somewhere between twenty and twenty-two minutes, and wouldn't have been nearly as hard as this was. It was all I could do to finish.

After the swim, I walked two miles on the indoor track in 31:14.

This afternoon I walked two miles on the Levy Trail in 31:01.

Hays Senior Center/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked 1.5 miles to and from the Hays Senior Center, in 21:45 and 24:10, and rowed 5,153 meters in thirty minutes on a setting of nine (out of ten). I was quite a bit wobbly-legged when I got up from that machine, but proceeded to do a few squats and situps.

This afternoon I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 30:49.

OVERHEARD
"Well, maybe you shrinking and you don't know it, because I swear he taller than you."
—woman speaking to a man on the Hays Center walking track, which might prove to be a fucking Overheard gold mine

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says "comfort food"

Orange Street Loop/North Little Rock High

I jogged the Orange Street Loop this morning in 32:16, with splits of 10:35, 10:51, and 10:50, and tonight did 2X5X200 meters at North Little Rock High, with two-minute, 200-meter intervals between the 200s and a four-minute, 400-meter interval between the sets, in 61.6, 59.5, 56.3, 55.6, 57.0, and 56.9, 57.3, 57.9, 56.5, 55.2. These were pretty easy. I was impressed by how many people were walking around the track on such a sultry night.

Maple Street/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:52, long enough to know it will be hotter than two motherfuckers at Tom Zaloudek's Hash run today, which, as he said, indeed did cross the eighth fairway of First Tee. I am almost drunk enough to write, "...ih was gray run, bess run years. I me, bueful. Jiss bueful," but am barely sober enough to not. There were forty people there. Everyone had blass, I me jiss big blass.

Orange Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Orange Street Loop this morning in 41:10, or at an 11:26:07 fifty-mile pace.