Nashville City Park

NASHVILLE—I walked from York Gary Chevrolet, across Sunset Boulevard and the First Assembly of God parking lot, to Nashville City Park, where I walked three laps on its paved trail, and then back to York Gary. It took me 48:09. Surely I covered at least three miles. Then I spent $123.23 for the replacement of my 2009 Chevy Impala's recirculation acuator, whatever the heck that is.

OVERHEARD
"Well, I don't think so, but all I have to say is he must be a good lookin' devil."
—a lawyer named Shorty Barrett, at Bryce's Cafeteria in Texarkana, to an old man who said, "You look quite a bit like [so-and-so]. Are ya'll related?" Barrett was about six feet, five inches tall

Schaer Street Loop/Hash

I walked and jogged the five-mile Schaer Street Loop this morning in 1:03:06, with splits ranging from 12:01 to 13:06, and then late in the afternoon covered about four miles way out near Williams Junction, out close to the Arkansas Traveller course with the Hash.

Park Hill Loop/34th Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Park Hill Loop this morning in 1:10:31, with splits that ranged from 13:51 to 14:27.

If my legs were Jesus, today would be Easter. I walked the three-mile 34th Street Loop this evening in 42:28. Who knows? I might run a bit tomorrow.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next sportscaster who says, "He can make things happen," or, "He's a game-changer." Fuck, I'm a game-changer. Put me in an NFL game at quarterback and watch how fast that motherfucker changes. Obviously I can also make things happen

Orange Street Loop/Levy Loop Classic

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 46:59. This afternoon, after injuring myself at the First Tee practice range, I walked Levy Loop Classic in 29:44. I'm not sure what I did, but my right side feels much the same as my left side felt ten years ago and when I fell and broke a rib while fishing at Camp Clearfork. I felt a sharp pain as I followed through on a nine-wood shot; I guess I pulled something. It'll be interesting to see how quickly my typical ice-and-ibuprofen regimen works. I'll put the over-under at 4:22 p.m, Monday.

Levy Loop/First Tee/Chandler Street Loop

There was hint of humidity out this morning. I walked and jogged the Levy Loop in 29:10. It's probably a bit under 70°F, but there are a few damp beads on my forehead. It got up to 86 while I golfed at First Tee, but I followed a tip I received from Golf Digest or some other magazine they keep on the big coffee table in the club house; I drank four ounces of water after each hole. I felt fine. Of course, it helped that I scored a 91, with nines of 48 and 43. I had 7 pars, 6 bogies, 3 doubles, 1 triple, and 1 quadruple. I used 32 putts. That was by far the best I've played. I'm eager to break 90, and to break 40 for nine (believe it or not). I wish the Vratils would visit soon, before I forget how to play, which I will, of course.

I like the Chandler Street Loop. It offers nice views of Levy and Little Rock, and I have always found something romantic in the drone of interstate traffic. I walked it tonight in 47:48.

Oh. I forgot to mention that I played with Jeff Krupsaw, and retained the Levy/Broadmoar Cup in a breeze. I moved up from 7- and 5-woods to my 3-wood today. I hit it well, with several drives and fairway shots over 200 yards, with longs of 228 and 236. Tomorrow I might try to hit my driver.

Ridge Road Loop/34th Street Loop

I walked the old, four-mile Ridge Road Loop this morning in 1:04:25, and now, for the third fucking time, I'm going to try to publish what I did this afternoon (it's 82°F today. I hope I agree with the Blogger motherfuckers about the superiority of their new format by the time the real heat gets here). I walked the 34th Street Loop in 46:29.

34th Street Loop/First Tee/38th Street Loop

My legs are tired. I jogged for about a minute, maybe ninety seconds, but otherwise walked the 34th Street Loop this morning in 45:25. This morning and afternoon I played First Tee from the middles in 97, with nines of 51 and 46. I had 3 pars, 7 bogies, 6 doubles, and 2 triples. I used 35 putts, and then, starting at about six p.m., I puttered around the 38th Street Loop in 33:06.

Sweetheart Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

It took until this morning for the soreness from Saturday's trail run to register. I felt it—particularly at first—as I walked the Sweetheart Loop in 47:19, but by early this evening it had faded to old-fashioned dead-leggedness as I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 31:17.

Levy Loop/Hash

At lunchtime in Levy, it's sixty-nine degrees, there's a light breeze, and the air's dry as Burgundy. If there is a Heaven, and someone fucks up the paperwork so badly that I get in, this is the weather I'll ring up. I walked the Levy Loop in 27:01 to, you know, celebrate the climate and Chris Vratil's birthday. This evening I walked almost exactly four miles with Basil and Josh and a relatively new Hasher named Eamon. Josh and Eamon walked because they both ran ultramarathons yesterday. Then we ate at Brownings, which is under new ownership and no longer fries chicken, but tonight made the best chile relleno I have eaten.

Ouachita Trail

I ran from the starting line of the Ouachita Trail 50 for a little over an hour and five minutes, then ran back. I was out for a total of 2:05:04, and probably covered close to ten miles. My plan was to run out until I got to Tom Zaloudek coming back, but the slow fuck took nearly ten and a half hours to finish the 50K. I would had to have run out for at least another hour and a half to walk in with him.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "Bipartisan."

38th Street Loop/34th Street Loop

Despite that I walked—counting golf—twelve miles yesterday, I felt swell as I jogged and walked the 38th Street Loop through a comfortably cool drizzle this morning in 23:24. This evening I walked the 34th Street Loop in 46:05. Rereading my golf entry from yesterday, it seems obvious that three penalties and four extra putts does not explain how I used thirteen fewer strokes on the second nine than the first, so add in that I shanked at least six more shots on the front.

Orange Street Loop/First Tee

It's perfect out, cloudless, windless, 55°F, and dry as Melba toast. They say it'll get to 80. I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 44:22.

One-putts on the first two greens this morning caused me, literally, to imagine Bill Seale, the fictional publisher of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: "Them people ain't gonna believe this, Payt.* They gonna think you bullshittin' 'em six ways to goddang Sundy." That was enough, so I settled into playing like a first-timer, at least for a while. I played First Tee this morning and afternoon in 101, with nines of 57 and 44. My irons worked great Tuesday, but today, for some unknown reason, I began the round as if someone met me at the first tee and said, "Hey, try these out. They're called 'irons.' " I couldn't hit them until—don't ask me—I got to No. 13 (4 the second time around). And another thing: someone treated the greens with bikini wax. They were the fastest I have ever experienced. I four-putted No. 4, but finally figured out the speed. And, please don't misunderstand me, they're beautiful, without a blemish, just twice as fast today as they were Tuesday. OK, with excuses out of the way, I had 4 pars, 6 bogies, 4 doubles, 2 triples, 1 quadruple, and 1 pentagonal. I used 32 putts. I lost three balls—for penalty strokes; they weren't pplbs—on the front nine, and used 18 putts. I played one ball throughout the second nine, and used 14 putts.

I did too much today. Maybe an hour after I returned from First Tee, I drove out to the River Trail, where I put in about 4.2 miles on the trail and the Big Dam Bridge. It took me 1:12:04. I'm hungry, and tired.

*country fucks pronounce my first name Payt, or Payter

Levy Loop/Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 30:06, and the Chandler Street Loop this evening in 47:48. I can't wait to golf tomorrow, when I hope to lose sixteen balls, score an 81 for nine holes, and consequently quit the game forever (unless I'm visiting someone who wants to play).

Sweetheart Loop/First Tee/38th Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 40:06, and, beginning at 11:38 a.m., played First Tee from the middle tees in 94, with nines of 50 and 44. I had 4 pars, 7 bogies, 6 doubles, and 1 triple. And, here's the key: I used 28 putts. TA DA! I had 9 one putts, and 2 three putts. I made a 33-footer for par on No. 13 (No. 4 the second time around), and an 11-footer for par on No. 3. I had a wonderful chipping day, so a number of those one-putts were from three feet or closer. I played the first seven holes in 12-over, and the last eleven holes in 10-over. The key to that change of fortune was a decision to put away all clubs longer than my seven-wood, starting with my tee-shot on No. 8 (I parred 13 with two seven-woods, an eight-iron, and the aforementioned bomb of a putt). All I have to do now is get Petey King to give me my driver back.

This evening I walked the 38th Street Loop in 31:08.

38th Street Loop/34th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 29:16, and this evening walked the 34th Street Loop in 44:07.

Maple Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:05, and tonight walked the Orange Street Loop in 45:33.

Levy Loop Classic/Oaklawn Park

I walked and jogged Levy Loop Classic this morning in 29:13. I jogged a total of three minutes. Then I lost $16.50 at Oaklawn Park to complete the season with a deficit of $189.60, built over nineteen trips. So, I lost an average of $9.98 a trip. Next year, to save gas, I plan to simply walk into my bathroom once every twenty-four minutes and flush a dollar bill down the commode. I'll do that ten times a day, once or twice a week. It'll feel just like I'm at the track, and should help with all this climate-change bullshit.

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "...heavy lifting," unless they're literally talking about picking up something that weighs a lot.

35th Street Loop

I walked the 35th Street Loop this evening in 1:00:24.

Arkansas Derby Day is tomorrow. I will make my final trip this season, currently down $173.10 after eighteen, with a goal of losing no more than $16.89 so I can say I averaged losing less than $10 a trip. A couple of Hashers, including ones nineteen-year-old son, will go with me. None have been to Oaklawn Park, or any race track.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this afternoon in 30:32.

Oaklawn Park/Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop tonight to keep my streak alive, and for no other reason. Tom Zaloudek and I spent the day at Oaklawn Park, where I lost $8.18, and had a ten-minute conversation with Greta Kuntzweiler. She came into the grandstand to watch the Fantasy Stakes, twenty feet from where Tom and I sat with Ray and Carol. She told me she started running again, and last October won the 35-39 age division in a 5K in Lexington, with a time of twenty-three minutes. Greta is not photogenic, but was as always lovely in person, as pretty as she was at twenty-eight. Tom participated in our conversation and later said, "Now I know why you had a crush on her." Tom and I drank a six-pack of Milwaukee's Best Light on the drive home, and then I walked the loop in 33:03. I'm tired.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this afternoon in 46:21.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this evening in 46:03, and would like to apologize to Jim Nance. Yesterday at the Masters he backed off and said very little during the bulk of the tournament, and consequently said only one ridiculous thing.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:35, and decided to apologize to Dufner and Couples for mentioning them in yesterday's blog. I believe that is why they now have no fucking chance. Today I'll pick Phil Mickelson. I hope he has a ten-stroke lead before he and Peter Hanson, the leader this morning by one stroke, reach Amen Corner, and that the last two hours are so boring that I'll say, "Fuck it," and go mow the grass or something. That's what I'm hoping for, a terrible final day, devoid of drama, with at least two weather delays, where they start showing all those bullshit highlights from the 1986 Masters that we've seen a million times, with Jack Nicklaus telling us how great he was.

OVERHEARD
"Of course, Seve Ballesteros would have been fifty-five tomorrow, and his birthday always typically fell on the Saturday or Sunday of the Masters."
—from 12:55 p.m. Central, a commentator on the Golf Channel who was not identified after he made the proceeding insane statement

PICKING ON JIM NANCE
"The winner will be another drop in history at the Masters."
—part of his introductory speech, 1 p.m. Central

Park Hill Loop

I walked the Park Hill Loop this morning in 1:18:39, a nice, easy stroll.

OK, I'm for Jason Dufner. Does anyone remember all the redemption bullshit we had to put up with watching Rory McIlroy last summer, after he blew his big lead at the Masters, and then crushed everyone at the U.S. Open (and then dumped his girlfriend for the blonde tennis star)? Why then isn't anyone talking about Jason Dufner choking away his three-stroke lead in the last four holes at the PGA last summer, now that he's currently tied for the Masters' lead with Freddie Couples? I know, Freddie is fifty-two, and of course has drawn all the attention. I understand. Hell, it's enough to make Freddie my second choice. I mean, I myself was a fifty-two-year-old a couple of months ago. Maybe they'll pull away from the field and go to a playoff tomorrow. That's my wish. And then I hope Tiger Woods drives his car over McIlroy in the club parking lot and is sentenced to a twenty-year prison term. Wouldn't that be fucking great?

I PLAN TO STAB...
...the next person who says, "[He's] a very good ball striker."

OVERHEARD
"You have to be a very good ball striker to win this tournament."
—Frank Nobilo, at approximately 2:02 p.m. Central, on the Golf Channel

Levy Loop

It's nice here, a little under 70°F at 8:02 p.m. I walked the Levy Loop tonight and everyone I passed acted happy. There's barbeque smoke everywhere. Go Fred Couples, and Jason Dufner.

Orange Street Loop/Oaklawn Park

I walked the Orange Street Loop in 43:20 this morning, and lost exactly $37.40 betting horses with Z-Man at Oaklawn Park this afternoon. I'm at home, watching a replay of the first day of the Masters, and am down $164.92 after seventeen trips. I'm not sure why they call it gambling.

Levy Trail

I walked the Levy Trail from my house to Camp Robinson and back in 1:14:14. As I turned toward home on Orange Street, one of the Latino boys from across the street rolled past on a scooter with Ruby trotting along. It was the first time I'd seen her since she was a cat-sized puppy. Now she reminds me of Scout as a two- or three-month-old. Next I noticed that my cherry tree, in full bloom, is three-quarters the size of my crepe myrtle, perhaps a bit larger. It has at least doubled in volume since 2007, and I think looks spectacular. What's more, it's beginning to bear fruit. I wish I had planted one on each side of my driveway.

Pam finished in a three-way tie for fourth in the basketball pool at the paper, one fucking point out of the money. She lost two last-minute games two weekends ago, either of which would have put her no further down than second; one would've won it for her. To Pam's credit, she does not at all seem bothered.

First Tee/Chandler Street Loop

I took a golf lesson with Petey King nearly two months ago. It was the best one I can remember since my first, in 1995. He got me shifting my weight, and I spent at least forty-five minutes hitting perfect shots. I finished with seven or eight drives that averaged 250 yards. I left the lesson and drove to First Tee. It started raining on the way. It rained for three consecutive days, and then we had our one cold snap of the winter. And then it rained some more. It was ten days between the lesson and the next time I hit a ball and I was never able to retrieve what Petey showed me. Today I played a dead lucky 48 from the middle tees at First Tee. I had 1 par, 4 bogies, and 4 doubles. I hit two pure shots for the day, one with a 3-wood, the other with a 7-iron. One good pitch. One good chip. I used 17 putts. Oh, I had one unexplainable drive that went 228 yards. My second longest went I82. I hit four or five lucky worm burners, hard shots that rolled a hundred and fifty yards and stayed on the fairway, or rolled onto the green. You know the type; they fail to please. I need another lesson, but I want to schedule it for a day that's followed by at least three or four dry days.

OK, forgive my rant. I got home and walked the Chandler Street Loop in 46:48. I'm tired, and hungrier than two motherfuckers.

Schaer Street Loop

I walked the Schaer Street Loop this morning in 1:16:53.

Here's a story from the Associated Press (edited for Pam's Boy)

RANCHO MIRAGE, Calif. — I.K. Kim did everything necessary to win a major, except for one, the easiest, the simplest. She hit every green and played seventeen consecutive bogey-free holes to shoulder from the pack during the frantic final round at the Kraft Nabisco Championship. She stepped onto the eighteenth green, two putts from an all-but-certain title. Her first, from fifteen feet, stopped less than a foot away. Her second, again, from less than a foot, from perhaps eight inches, spun around the cup and rolled out. Fuck. Kim raised her left hand to her mouth and turned her head, unwilling to look at what had just happened at her feet. Fans at Mission Hills gasped, groaned, and screamed in a chorus of pain. "I played straight, and it actually just broke to the right," Kim said.

After tapping in for a bogey that dropped her into a tie, Kim raised both hands to her ears. She left the green, elbows in front of her as she stared down blankly at the bridge while walking to the scorers' tent, and into golf infamy.

Sun Young Yoo seized an improbable second chance to win the LPGA Tour's first major of the season with an eighteen-foot birdie putt on the first playoff hole Sunday, earning her first major title. "I thought I had no chance," Yoo said. "I thought I.K. was going to make the putt, but it didn't happen."

The playoff ended four strokes later, with Sun Young Yoo confidently seizing her second career LPGA Tour victory when Kim couldn't relocate her groove. "On the playoff hole, it's just hard to kind of focus on what's going on right now," Kim said. "Because I was still a little bit bummed [about] what happened on eighteen, honestly."

Yoo also lurked in the pack with steady play while five players held the lead Sunday. After finishing with a par in the group before Kim, Yoo figured she would collect a fat runner-up check and head home to Orlando.

And then Kim made a mistake reminiscent of Scott Hoch's missed two-foot putt that would have won the 1989 Masters, and Doug Sanders' miss on a three-footer to win the 1970 British Open.

"She's a great putter," Yoo said about Kim. "She really doesn't miss those kinds of putts, but ... that's golf. You never know what's going to happen. I was just watching from the putting green, and that's some luck."

Yoo got to make the traditional leap into the frigid waters of Poppie's Pond, while Kim's miss on the Dinah Shore course will go down in LPGA Tour infamy.

Kim has more than $182,000 to console her — along with the knowledge she had been the most consistent contender amid the wild momentum swings of the final round. She made a fifteen-foot birdie putt on the sixteenth and a twenty-footer on the seventeenth to break a three-way tie for the lead. "It was unfortunate on eighteen, but I feel good about my game," Kim said. "It's getting better."

Yoo and Kim played the eighteenth again in the playoff, and Kim's drive barely cleared the water, landing in the rough. She left a birdie putt short from the fringe, and Yoo calmly reached the green before burying her winning putt.

Yoo, who joined Grace Park as the only South Korean winners of the Kraft Nabisco, seemed reluctant to celebrate after hugging Kim, but then joined her caddie for a leap into Poppie's Pond. Yoo surpassed three-million dollars in career earnings with her three-hundred thousand dollar share of the two-million dollar purse.

"It's huge," said Yoo, who began the final round in a five-way tie for fourth. "I didn't think about winning today. I didn't want to let myself down, but I think I did better than what I was expecting."

Kim and Yoo shot sixty-nine in the final round.

Top-ranked Yani Tseng finished third at eight under with a final-round seventy-three. Even after blowing a Sunday lead at the Kraft Nabisco for the second straight year, the Taiwanese star had a chance to join the playoff on the eighteenth, but hit her ninety-yard approach twenty-feet past, and putted her birdie attempt wide by an inch. Yet even the world's best player was thinking about Kim afterward. "I feel so bad for her," Tseng said. "I wish she had made it."

Defending champion Stacy Lewis closed strong with a sixty-six to finish in a four-way tie for fourth place with Amy Yang and late leaders Karin Sjodin — who shot a seventy-four after entering the final round even with Tseng and leading at the turn — and Hee Kyung Seo, who had a three-stroke lead on the back nine before bogeying her final four holes.

Yoo had never finished higher than seventh in a major, and she began the final round three strokes off the lead. She bounced back from two early bogeys with three birdies in five holes down the stretch, finishing with three straight pars — and after Kim's historic miss, seized an unlikely opportunity to win. "I was here by myself," Yoo said. "I just wish my family was here. My phone is still in my golf bag. I can't wait to make some phone calls to my family."

Tseng gave away her share of the final-round lead in the first two holes to Sjodin, who went three strokes ahead with an eagle on the second hole. The winless Swede gave away the lead to Seo with back-to-back bogeys around the turn, but Seo made bogeys on the fifteenth and sixteenth, briefly creating a four-way tie with two holes to go.:

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:52.

Oh. It occurred to me last night that I failed to report that Pam fell out of contention for money in the office pool with her two losses a week ago yesterday. Consequently, she wasn't bothered yesterday when I watched women's golf instead of the semifinals of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.