Orange Street Loop/Levy Loop Classic

Last night, after the Reds beat the Giants, I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 36:14. This morning, before the final round of the Ricoh® Women's British Open, I walked Levy Loop Classic in 31:20.

Park Hill Loop

I walked and jogged the Park Hill Loop tonight in 1:08:44.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop tonight in 32:16, moments after I returned from a trip to Louisiana Downs with Tim Cooper. I lost $40. Beverly Burress easily won the Miss Louisiana Downs Pageant. She has let her hair grow out from the borderline buzz cut she's worn in the past to collar-bone length. It works very well for her. Her butt remains the standard.

COMMENTARY OF THE DAY

I plan to stab the next person I hear say, "Boots on the ground," unless they're literally speaking of boots on the ground. Fucking Charlie Rose said it tonight (and don't think I won't stab even him; I have thus far killed twenty-seven television reporters and politicians for saying, "Unsustainable"). Really, man, English provides a shit-load of words. Let's go with "troops," or "men," or "men and women," or "soldiers," until we start sending to all these godforsaken counties C-130s packed with boots and saying, "Here, motherfuckers, put these on the ground. Call us if they don't help."

First Tee

I played nine holes at First Tee from the back this afternoon in 56, with 1 par, 2 bogies, 3 doubles, 1 triple, 1 quadruple, and 1 pentagonal. I used 18 putts.

A Boston player put me at fourteen tonight, after which I walked the Levy Loop in 30:53. Four to go. No. Five to go. Then I'll start thinking about the $140 thousand a year for the next forty. Does Eighpack understand he needs to pick someone everyday to have a chance to win the Levi Ghetto Cat championship?

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—After watching Michael Young put my BTS streak at a career PR thirteen, I walked and jogged a three-mile out-and-back on Old Center Point Road in 39:04.

Levi Ghetto Cat Loop

Man, I drank at least six or seven too many beers last night. Consequently, my legs were deader than a bunch of Norwegian teenagers as I walked the Levi Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 32:16.

OVERHEARD
"Stop right there. Listen. That bitch lying off the top of her head."
—20-year-old at Kroger, talking on his cell phone

Rebsamen Park Golf Course/Hash

I played Rebsamen Park Golf Course with Kayce Hall this morning and early afternoon and scored 94, with nines of 46 and 48, with 4 pars, 6 bogies, and 8 doubles. I used 31 putts. We were joined by friendly, funny, middle-aged men named Gordon and William.

Bob Rooke (Hazardous Waste) set a run this evening from the parking lot of the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission parking lot, near the intersection of I-430 and I-630, where I haven't been since a Hash run set in c. October-December, 1980, back when there wasn't shit out there, except for an all-you-can-eat catfish restaurant Genie Bubb and I were crazy about. I jogged and walked with a combination of B.J., Ron and Elaine Gimblet, Tiny Tim Biggs, and Bob Marston's wife, for 40:31.

Orange Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Orange Street Loop this evening in 35:40, after some guy from Minnesota put me at ten to pass Kenny "Who the Fuck is Kenny Sinac" Sinac among the Levi Ghetto Cats. Who the fuck is eightpack?

Levi Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop Classic

My groins were only a slightly stiff this morning, the right more than the left, both minimally uncomfortable. I walked the Levi Ghetto Cat Loop* in 30:02. I pitched, chipped, and putted at Burns Park last night, and then took three full swings (playing Nos. 1 and 2 on the par-72 course). I'm afraid the golf might've damaged my groins. They did sing out a bit on those long shots. We'll see. I plan to go to the range today at First Tee, and maybe play the par-three course.

I didn't golf. Starting at about 7 p.m., shortly after a first baseman for the Braves named Freeman drove my BTS streak to nine, I walked Levy Loop Classic in 29:25. My right groin might be ever so slightly tight, but that's it. I feel healed.

*I have added "Levi" to the name of the old Ghetto Cat Loop in honor of an Internet baseball league I play in, the one I, for the moment, dominate

Levy Loop

I don't think I have kidney stones, or the mumps, or two inguinal hernias, but I guess you never know, unless you go to a good doctor, which you'd never do if you were I. According to the Mayo Clinic's Web site, those are ailments sometimes associated with groin pain, though the most common cause is muscle strain, and I'm hopeful that my lack of common sense has no bearing on a lack of common causes for symptoms like mine. The site suggested rest might be required. The world record for consecutive days covering at least two miles currently stands at about thirteen thousand, so I perhaps will consider a break somewhere around my 85th birthday. This morning I jogged for a total of three and a half minutes—the sum of thirty-second, retarded bursts of roughly five miles an hour every five minutes—and otherwise walked the Levy Loop in 31:56. What's odd is that I felt more comfortable jogging. Here's hoping I can jog with a pull-cart tomorrow.

OVERHEARD
"She ain't gonna let the rope go, so I gotta let the rope go myself if you know what I'm saying."
—security guard speaking on his cell phone in the Kroger parking lot. The temperature is 102. Not RealFeel® 102; RealReal® 102, as in HotterThanTwoMotherfuckers® 102, as in I'mMakingTheDumbassCatsStayTheFuckIn® 102. The good thing is that the RealFeel® is only 107, so it's kind of dry heat, apparently ideal for lovesick phone conversations on sticky parking lots

Ghetto Cat Loop/38th Street Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 37:03. That was about as fast as I could walk without exhibiting a severe limp. I guess I fucked something up golfing yesterday. For some reason, my right leg feels as if it's a couple of inches longer than my left.

I felt a little better this evening when I walked the 38th Street Loop in 34:03. I'm sore in both of my groins, and it's difficult for me to stand up straight as I walk. I don't know what's up, but my history with these sorts of things should leave me a bit more encouraged. You know, one day my foot feels broken, and two days later I run ten miles at a 9:30 pace. We'll see.

First Tee/Levy Loop Classic

I played First Tee from the middles this morning and early afternoon in 91, with nines of 47 and 44. I had 5 pars, 9 bogies, 2 doubles, and 2 triples. I used 30 putts, with seven one-putts, and one three-putt (to end a streak of twenty-six holes with none). I really didn't put very well today. I don't think I made a putt outside of about three feet. I had a very good chipping day, but was zero for about ten from four to ten feet.

Today is the third anniversary of my at least walking two miles a day, so the start of my fourth year. Starting at about 4:30 p.m., I walked Levy Loop Classic in 34:27. My legs felt like crap at first, but better as I progressed.

Hash/Levy Loop

Yesterday afternoon I walked and jogged for about forty minutes across the par-70 Burns Park course and on some of the trails on Rick Rainey's Hash run from the Burns Park lot on the river by the water-skiing area.

Starting at about noon today, I walked the Levy Loop in 31:14.

First Tee/Sweetheart Loop

I used a modified Scott Vratil putting technique this afternoon and it worked very well. I didn't buy a tiny putter, rather choked down on my putter so that my left hand was at the bottom of the grip, and my right on the metal. I three-putted the fourth and fifth holes, but practiced a little and used 21 putts for the last 13 holes, which would work out to 29.1 putts over 18. Playing from the middle tees at First Tee with Randal Hunhoff, I scored a 91, with nines of 48 and 43. I used 32 putts. I had 4 pars, 12 bogies, 1 triple, and 1 quadruple.

I jogged for a total of six minutes and otherwise walked the Sweetheart Loop tonight in 37:42.

Orange Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

Last evening I walked and jogged the Orange Street Loop in 35:51. I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 31:11.

Jerry Kelly finished his second round at The Open at thirteen over par to become by far the worst of my many poor SILVER BULLET LOCK OF A LIFETIME SPECIALs.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—It's swampy here, at least relative to the base of the Rocky Mountains. I walked and jogged the York Gary Loop this evening in 26:25.

OVER-UNDER NUMBER OF THE DAY
3—Majors Rory McIlroy will win during his career

SILVER BULLET LOCK-OF-A-LIFETIME SPECIAL
Jerry Kelly to win The Open*
*thespread.com lists Kelly at 300-1

Salina, Kansas/CR 90-201/Tamarack Country Club/The Broadmoor

LIMON, Colo.—Let's see. Last Tuesday afternoon, I walked for thirty-five minutes from the parking lot of a Walmart Super Center in Salina, Kansas. I walked thirty-seven minute and thirty-four minute out-and-backs on County Routes 90 and 201 from the Vratil estate on Wednesday and Friday mornings. I walked for a little over an hour during a rain delay at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs on Thursday. Rain delays also gave me time to walk for about forty-five minutes on Saturday. On Sunday I walked for exactly 44:22 through the swanky neighborhood around the Broadmoor, and yesterday, Monday, I walked a similar route for 33:10 after watching the final few holes of regulation and the playoff of the U.S. Women's Open.

Scott Vratil and I played thirty-six holes at the Tamarack Country Club on Wednesday. I had rounds of 102 and 99, and nines of 54, 48, 50, and 49. Scott had rounds of 100 and 91.

I'm skeptical, but Jan's pocket pedometer said we walked twelve miles at the Women's Open on Friday. I would've guessed something like eight, maybe ten. I'd put the over-under number for my five-day mileage there at 39.93. The Broadmoor is hillier than two motherfuckers, and set up so that when you reach the ninth green, you're two-hundred miles from the clubhouse. Anyway, I lost about a pound last week. Even Jan Vratil's culinary mastery could not keep pace with all the walking.

I walked the Levy Loop early this afternoon in 33:38.

Oh, it took me until about Friday morning to get over sore shins from my race walk in last Monday's Firecracker Fast 5K. My calves at least temporarily look like Conan the Barbarian's.

Firecracker Fast 5K

At about 6:45 this morning, it occurred to me that it might be a fun challenge to try to break forty minutes race walking the Firecracker Fast 5K. So, I dashed out the door in my plaid golfing shorts and pink Polo shirt, drove faster than two motherfuckers to the start, registered, and then, beginning at 7:30, walked the race in 37:20, with splits of 11:53, 11:40, 12:28, and 1:19. They gave me a small brown envelope when I registered without telling me what was in it. I put it in my pocket, and then at the finish saw a group of women cutting timer chips off racers' shoes. "I didn't know what those were," I said. "Here's mine. It was in my pocket." The women said it would work anyway. She sounded confident. "No, it doesn't matter, as long as you had it with you." The deal is, they didn't have one of those pads at the start, so my time, if it appears on Arkansasrunner.com, will be thirty or forty seconds slower.* I was pleased. I hope I made the official results. I want to see how many people I beat.

*Rats. Apparently the chip-in-the-pocket technique doesn't work

Emerson Drive Loop

As I watched the men's Championships final between Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal from Wimbledon this morning, I was reminded of a Rainwater, a couple of minutes before I set The Motherfucking Miracle Mile for the Little Rock Hash House Harriers. Roughly ten years ago, Rainwater asked whether The All England Lawn Tennis Club would close for the Fourth of July. What? To celebrate one of the most significant national losses since the dawn of western civilization? "It's always greener on the other side of the grass."

I walked the one-mile Emerson Drive Loop twice in 32:53, with splits of 18:03, as I marked The Motherfucking Miracle Mile, and 14:50.

Park Hill Loop

I walked the Park Hill Loop tonight in 1:14:12.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this evening in 43:39.