Levy Loop/Sweetheart Loop

It's bright as a diamond out today, 62 degrees, and windier than two motherfuckers. I walked the Levy Loop, wearing olive drab Dockers and the black Polo shirt I wore in the golf pictures on Hashspace, in 30:42. (a very friendly Jehova's Witness named Karen just knocked and handed me a copy of Watchtower, featuring "What Makes a Marriage Last?";written by Jehovah himself, I guess, since there's no byline. I said to her, "Wow, it's as windy as two motherfuckers out there, isn't it?")

This evening, starting at about seven o'clock, I walked the Sweetheart Loop in 46:36.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 32:58, and now plan to run Hash (for the first time since the day after Christmas). We'll see.

We started from the front of The Flying Saucer, wandered about through downtown, over by the Clinton Library, to the top of a couple of buildings, and to a place on the Riverfest grounds near the Arkansas River where a bunch of homeless people were gathered. We finished in the basement of the The Flying Saucer. It was my first time there since roughly March of 2007, when all the women Rugby players showed up, after I was called to get drunk and drive drunk people to my house. I think, today, I jogged and walked about three miles.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop Classic

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 29:54.

Man, it was 34 degrees when I walked this morning. Now, at 6:47 p.m., it's 62, and maybe a little muggy, perfect walking weather. I walked the Levy Loop Classic in 28:49. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 74.

38th Street Loop/Chandler Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 28:24.

Starting at about a quarter to five this afternoon, I walked the Chandler Street Loop in 43:52.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 29:45 to warm up for a trip to Hot Springs. I plan to win so much money that Oaklawn Park will be unable to cash my voucher after the final race, and therefore will be forced to give me the deed to the track, which I will promptly rename Blow Me Downs. It'll have a Popeye theme.

This afternoon in Hot Springs, it took me a total of 3:44:21 to walk from my car to Oaklawn Park, lose exactly $59, and then walk back to my car. I lost every bet I made.

Orange Street Loop

Your sister seemed as if she were born to blog, and then she quit. When's her half-marathon?

I walked the Orange Street Loop late this afternoon in 47:22, after spending most of the day cleaning house and handicapping for a sloppy track tomorrow at Oaklawn Park.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 30:44.

Levy Loop

After I lost $4.80 on a trip to Oaklawn Park with Tim Cooper, I walked the Levy Loop in 33:55.

You should've seen Miss Oaklawn. She's one of the peteprettiest girls ever; she wore blue jeans, an untucked flannel shirt, and a gray skull cap over short, curly, brunette hair. Her face looked a bit like Marty's from the movie Beautiful Girls, except as a twenty-year-old.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this evening in 28:12.

Nashville

NASHVILLE—I randomly walked all the fuck over Nashville, primarily the southwestern section, with a finish through downtown, past the First Baptist Church, and then along twin sisters Jean and Jane Crutchfield's route of December 7, 1941, from the church to the Crutchfield house—the one they walked a lot, but memorably in the dark that night, scared the whole way that they'd be killed by Japanese soldiers. I was out for 1:03:50 to cover at least four miles.

Na Yeon Choi played the third round in six-over. She had a bogey and two doubles on the back nine for a 41 to drop to a tie for nineteenth. She needs a new caddie. I wonder if Rosetta Stone could teach me Korean by the time the LPGA swings through Bentonville (in northwest Arkansas) this September.

River Trail

I walked four miles on the River Trail this morning, out and back from the Big Dam Bridge, in 57:30. It's perfect. I wore plaid short pants and an orange Old Navy polo shirt, perfect clothes for a springtime walk and to wear as I eat frozen pizza, drink Milwaukee's Best Light, and watch Na Yeon Choi try to win the Honda LPGA Thailand.*

After two rounds, Ms. Choi is in a four-way tie for fourth at -5, behind the I.K. Kim (-8), and Michelle Wie and Yani Tseng (-7), the world's top-ranked woman golfer who looks like an Asian version of Ashley McReynolds. Choi, fifth in the world rankings, is tied with Momoko Ueda, Paula Creamer, and Juli Inkster. All these golfers are pretty. If the LPGA wants to reach financial equilibrium with the PGA, as professional women's tennis players have with the men, it should have its players dress like members of the Women's Tennis Association (e.g. Venus Williams and Maria Sharapova).

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this evening in 28:50, after watching Pam, Samantha, and Jo do back flips in my front yard.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—Starting at about 8:30 a.m., I walked the York Gary Loop in 28:38.

York Gary Loop/Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—I walked the York Gary Loop this morning in 31:44.

It's 63 degrees, mostly cloudy, and a little breezy. I drove out to the two-mile mark on Old Center Point Highway, and walked to five- mile turnaround mark and back. The six miles took me 1:25:00.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this afternoon in 44:14. Man, it was nice out; I walked in a Polo shirt.

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—I walked two miles on Old Center Point Road this morning in 29:21.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—It got up 58 degrees today. Weather.com says it will be over 60 for the next couple of weeks. Cool. It's 52 now. I walked and jogged the York Gary Loop this evening in 26:44.

Now I understand why Vice President Gore's people worked to change "global warming" to "climate change." It's gotta be clear to everyone, right? I mean, come on, they had to have figured out that there was no way they could get people in Nashville, Arkansas, to reconcile a month of eighteen inches of snow—more snow than they'd seen in all of the last twenty-seven years—with the earth warming up. What were they thinking in the first place?

Levy Loop

While home to feed Pam, Sam, and Jo, I walked the Levy Loop in 28:40. The roads are almost clear, except for patches of ice here in Levy and along I-30. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to walk my loop, and is to sit here now, at 2:20 p.m. Central, watching this heretofore unimaginable revolution (the only things these cats did were march, sit or stand around, chant, use their pocket phones, and sleep on tanks; that's it, and their government capitulated). There are a couple of hours before I need to leave. I am marginally confident that I'll return here for keeps a week from Sunday, on February 20. Heck, we'll see.

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—I walked four miles on Old Center Point Road tonight in 57:21.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—It started snowing a little before daybreak, I guess. There was a sprinkling of it on the grass when I got up at about seven a.m. It stopped at about two p.m., and there were four inches on the ground. It's supposed to get to fourteen tonight, so I guess it'll be here for a day or two. I've lost count, but I think this is our fourth snowfall of the year. I walked the York Gary Loop, starting at about five p.m., in 33:20.

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—I jogged and walked four miles out and back on Old Center Point Road this evening in 47:34, with splits of 12:30, 12:04, 11:10, and 11:50.

Nashville

NASHVILLE—Following a somewhat insane day spent dealing with insanity, I walked all over the place, for 1:18:51. I walked pretty fast. I bet I covered at least five and a half miles.

Super Bowl Extra

NASHVILLE—I have walked between this old blue chair and the kitchen, bathroom, and guest bedroom of my mother's house for a total of nineteen minutes between stints watching the Green Bay Packers build a 21-10 halftime lead over the fucking Pittsburgh cheating Steelers to cover close to a mile. Oh. I've also made at least five round trips to the back porch.

Here's what you do when you're a fan; you worry about an eleven-point halftime lead. You know, know, it ain't nearly enough, that the fucking Steelers are about to ram it down your throat. You can't feel comfortable with anything less than a seventy-five point lead, at least not until there are fewer than thirty-seven seconds left in the fourth quarter. It's a miserable experience, truly.

Fuck halftime and the Black Eyed Peas. Let's play.

7:42 p.m. CST: Green Bay sucks. I wish I'd been born in 1969, and consequently a band-wagon-jumping-on fan of the Steelers, instead of the worst team in the history of professional football.

7:46 p.m. CST: My mother has Alzheimer's Disease, but is clear-headed enough to have just said, "We could lose this game," after Mendenhall ran over a half dozen Packers to put Pittsburgh within 21-17 with 10:19 left in the third quarter.

7:50 p.m. CST: A sack followed by a Packers punt. Fuck. It's over. We're going to lose by two-hundred points. Maybe more.

8:02 p.m. CST: On other hand, it helps that Mike Tomlin, the Steelers coach, is mentally retarded. He let his kicker attempt a 52-yard, which he missed, and now Green Bay has it at their 42.

8:09 p.m. CST: The Packers did shit with their opportunity. Why am I a fan of these losers?

8:15 p.m. CST: Here's our first review. Did the Packer catch it? No fucking way, I say, but we'll see. Mom said, "We need some luck."

8:19 p.m. CST: I was correct, and now the fucking Packers will punt.

8:27 p.m. CST: A turnover. Mendenhall fumbled, Pittsburgh's third turnover. Green Bay could win, maybe.

8:32 p.m. CST: "I'm glad I said a little prayer," Mom said, after Rodger's eight-yard touchdown pass to Greg Jennings gave Green Bay a 28-17 lead with 11:57 left in the fourth quarter. Alzheimer's Disease is overrated, and the Green Bay Packers are the best team ever.

8:46 p.m. CST: I really thought Green Bay would win, 64-2. Now, after the cheating motherfucking Steelers scored a touchdown and a two-point conversion to cut Green Bay's lead to 28-25 with 7:34 left, I no longer think that. Fuck. I wish the Packers weren't in the Super Bowl. I wish I thought these commercials were funny. I wish I was worried about the catastrophe my personal life has become. Really, that should be more important than a football game, right?

9:01 p.m. CST: After a field goal, Green Bay leads 31-26 with 1:59 remaining in the fourth quarter. Pittsburgh has it at its thirteen-yard line. Fuck. I just shit myself.

9:07 p.m. CST: Fourth and five. Incomplete. Green Bay wins. I'm happier than two motherfuckers, and will be until I wake up tomorrow. "The Green Bay Packers win the Super Bowl," Joe Buck said. "The Lombardi Trophy's going home." Mom said, "I'm glad."

9:27 p.m. CST: Man, I'm glad there are two months between now and my having to watch the Reds fuck up. I hate sports.

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE—I walked four miles out-and-back on Old Center Point Road this morning in 55:06.

About an hour later, Cynthia, a cashier at Walmart, worked her way into contention in the Miss Nashville Pageant by standing behind her cash register with the slightly ruddy hue of an outdoor girl and a rare combination of shoulder-length blonde hair, boyishness, and a million-dollar smile, but then said she was cheering for the fucking Pittsburgh Steelers and consequently will have to settle for the runner-up position behind Samantha, the former Miss Pizza Hut. Too bad, because Cynthia had a chance.

Finally, for the record, I predict Green Bay will win the Super Bowl this evening by a final score of 64-2.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—I jogged, for a total of five minutes, and walked the York Gary Loop this morning in 26:24.

York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—It's been below freezing for the last three days here, and, as of this morning, there's a layer of ice on everything and six inches of snow on top of that. It's still snowing. It took me 36:18 to walk the York Gary Loop.

Old Center Point Road

NASHVILLE, Ark.— When it's around seven o'clock, on an evening colder than two motherfuckers, particularly if approximately eight hours earlier a neurologist in Little Rock diagnosed your mother's dementia as Alzheimer's, I recommend you walk six miles. Wear a coat and head band and a hat, and mittens over your gloves, and walk slowly, take nearly two hours (1:51:47.48). It'll serve as a salve, at least for a moment, I promise. Then get drunk and get on the Internet and read about the Green Bay Packers. Watch King of the Hill.

OVERHEARD
Hank Hill: "She was interesting; and by 'interesting,' I mean weird."
Peggy Hill: "Yes, Hank, she was weird. And by 'weird,' I mean interesting."

York Gary Loop/Nashville/York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—Thanks to a patient AT&T employee in Arizona, named James, my mother's house now has wireless.

Last night, through very cold air and windblown snow, I jogged and walked the York Gary Loop in 24:13. This morning it was 22 degrees and I walked for 46:14—a little over three miles—through the neighborhoods of southwest Nashville.

And then, starting at about 6 p.m. Central, I walked the York Gary Loop in 27:55. It was 32 degrees Fahrenheit, which felt warm.

York Gary Loop

I walked the York Gary Loop on Sunday and Monday. I'll probably walk it again this evening after I return to Nashville from my trip to the lawyer (Jason Files) and to Levy to feed the cats. It's cold now, and poured all last night and this morning. North Arkansas got something like twenty feet of snow. We got cold rain.