Levy Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 31:00.

This evening, starting at about 8:15 Central, I jogged the Levy Loop in 20:48, with splits of 10:48 and 10:00. I ran the last 400 meters in 1:50, so I guess at that point I was running (I decided I wanted to break 21 minutes, an earmark of greatness among Levy runners). Cincinnati turned a 5-3 lead to 8-3 while I was out, and won, 8-4. Houston defeated St. Louis, 3-0, so the Reds have a seven-game lead and are currently within a half game of San Diego and the best record in the National League. I guess this proves anything can happen, doesn't it Natalie?

Orange Street Loop/Maple Street Loop

I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 39:17, with splits that border irrelevancy of 12:54, 13:03, and 13:20.

For the first time this season, I think, I walked in the middle of a Reds game. They were tied with the Milwaukee Brewers 3-3 when I left. Now it's 4-4 in the bottom of the eighth. St. Louis trails Houston 3-0 in the eighth, so Cincinnati has a chance to go up six games. My legs felt light and fluid, almost youthful, as I walked the Maple Street Loop in 28:43. Maybe—I hope—I'll feel like running tomorrow night. We'll see.

Sweetheart Loop/Hash

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 46:45.

We ran Hash from a spot near Cajun's Wharf, just to the south of a Cantrell Avenue overpass at the base of Stifft Station. I jogged and walked with Basil Julian and, for a while, Eleanor, for 57 minutes to complete about four miles.

Levy Loop/Maple Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop this morning in 29:22. My legs felt particularly dead, which I think is attributable to my drinking enough beer at the Travs game last night to yell at John Kelly to shut up, that I've eaten corn dogs since 1966 and therefore think I know how to ram a foot-long corn dog down my fucking throat. It might also have been the golf, or perhaps the corn dog itself.

I walked the Maple Street Loop, starting at about 5 p.m. Central, in 33:12. It was breezy and 92, with a heat index of 97.

Maple Street Loop/First Tee

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 32:09.

I scored a 90 at First Tee this afternoon from the middle tees, with nines of 44 and 46. I had 4 pars (on Nos. 6, 7, and 9 on the first nine, and 7 on the second), 10 bogies, and 4 doubles (2 and 4 on the first nine, and 1 and 2 on the second). I used 34 putts. It was a cool 90, and I was dry when I finished. I had to par No. 9 to break 90, but hit two inches behind the ball and it stopped five yards short of the women's box. I bogeyed from there with a gap wedge to 20 feet.

The Reds won tonight, looked great, but I fell to 0-3 after 11-game streaks in Beat the Streak. Darn.

38th Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:13.

For the first time since May, I stepped out of my house at night and felt air cooler outside than in, and then jogged the Orange Street Loop in 33:24, with splits of 11:59, 11:12, and 10:14. It's 71 at 10:04 Central. My windows are open. Weather.com predicts a low of 60; I might need a blanket.

Miguel Cabrera waited until the ninth inning to get a hit for Detroit and me, thus extending my Beat the Streak run to a PR-tying 11, one away from Kim Manning the rock star, two from Give Me an 'O,' and six from Z Man. I watched it on my front porch and did a Woods first pump, before I filed this report to consequently doom my chance to advance.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 33:59.

The Reds won, the Little Bitches lost, and I walked the Levy Loop tonight in 30:57.

38th Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop a couple of hours ago in 29:53 and the weather was perfect, 70 degrees and drier than a slice of turkey breast pulled from the refrigerator on Heidi's birthday.

This evening, starting at about 8:15 Central, I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 37:39, with splits of 12:45, 12:43, and 12:11, sat on the porch to let the ever-so slight sweat evaporate, and then sat on my couch in time to see the Little Bitches load the bases at Pittsburgh in the bottom of the ninth with two outs, trailing 4-3, and Felipe Lopez ( a South American third baseman, I think) pop out to short to give the Reds a three game lead, and a chance to increase it to three and a half if the kid from Bryant, Travis Wood, can shut down the Giants starting in about five minutes.

Levy Loop/Maple Street Loop

Man, the speed. I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 29:41.

No Arkansas August in my experience has passed without at least hints of fall, including—after tonight—this one. I planned to walk the Maple Street Loop, but the air felt dry and comfortable and I probably jogged close to a quarter of a mile to complete the loop in 26:56. Granted, it is 85 degrees at 8:36 p.m. Central, but there is no humidity, and I could smell fall, way off. Now I'll fry chicken gizzards and okra and watch the Reds beat the Giants.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight in 31:23, and was pleased today to see the Reds win and Na Yeon Choi finish tied for second in the Safeway Classic. I didn't know there were still Safeway stores.* There was one in Anchorage back in 1965, I remember.

*Oh. Now I know Safeways are all over the west, and rank third nationally to Walmart Super Center and Krogers. They used to have quite a few in Arkansas and the Little Rock metro but left ten or 15 years ago

Levy Loop/First Tee

I walked the Levy Loop, starting at about 6 a.m. Central, in 30:37.

All right, no kidding, this time, by god, I fucking mean it. No more golf until I can play without going through three shirts and nine gloves for nine holes. Steve and I finished all square with Randal and Phil. No one played particularly well, but I was clearly the worst, with a 52 from the back at First Tee. I had 6 bogies, 2 triples, and 1 quadruple. Now it's a little past noon and I am whipped, after the Reds kept me up last night until midnight:30 with their 3-1 victory over the Dodgers, the Los Angeles Dodgers.

First Tee/Sweetheart Loop

Okay, it's too hot to golf. My plan was to hit a bucket of balls and go home. But Steve Beetsra showed up at about 11 a.m. Central, and asked if I wanted to play. I should have said no. We played from the back at First Tee and I scored a 48, with 1 par, 4 bogeys, and 4 doubles. I think Steve, who's good (knows how to make the ball spin back toward the pin, plays with $4 Taylormade balls and hardly ever loses one), scored a 38. I will play again tomorrow, at 8 a.m., with Steve, Phil Martin, and Randal Hunhoff. Steve suggested he and I play Randal and Phil in best-ball match play, Steve and Phil from the back, Randal and I from the middle, with cold bottles of Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper on the line. Regular Arkansas heat, no problem, but this shit's killing me. I think there's a very good chance I'll be dead by Labor Day (to be truthful, I'd recommend the over, but I think you know what I mean).

It's cooled to 90 degrees at 8:31 p.m. Fuck. I walked and jogged the Sweetheart Loop with a late burst to finish in 39:53. The San Francisco Giants lead the Little Bitches 5-1 in the seventh inning. I now will fry catfish and then sit back to watch, hopefully, the Reds start to show the Los Angeles Dodgers what the final three games of a nine-game winning streak look like. I can't wait to listen to Vin Scully, and hear him say, in his impenetrable Brooklyn accent, "And, goodness, the Cardinals, the St. Louis Cardinals, have lost their fifth consecutive game. Brandon Philips can take a bit of solace after the St. Louis players reacted with such vehement anger to his perhaps accurate designation of them as the 'Little Bitches.' Little Bitches indeed. ...And Philips is at the plate, an All-Star this season for the Reds, the Cincinnati Reds, the four-game leaders of the National League Central."

OVERHEARD

"After I see people dying all around me almost every day, I'm not going to let a bad shot bother me too much. I feel fortunate to be out here hitting bad shots, you know."
—Steve Beetstra as he raked a sand trap on No. 6 at First Tee

"Me too."
—60-year-old produce man at Kroger's, after he gave me 4064 as the code for local tomatoes, and I said, 'I can remember that. Gale Sayers, Jerry Kramer.' He chuckled and said, 'Man, you're old school,' and I said, 'Yes.'

Oaklawn Park

HOT SPRINGS — I took a break from betting races simulcasted from Louisiana Downs and Saratoga Race Course, at Oaklawn Park, to walk for 33:08, north and south on Central Avenue. I won a net of $16.60. My beef allergy has returned.

OVERHEARD
"They say you'll get used to this heat, but I never have. The same people tell me I'm in my 'golden years,' and that's a crock of shit, too. I can't see, I can't hear, and I can't remember anything. 'Golden years' my ass."
—Oaklawn Park shuttle cart driver

Fort Roots/Maple Street Loop

Justin and I won the Fort Roots Wednesday-night Scramble this evening with a 1-under 34. I think we each would have broken 40. We started on No. 6 and were one-over with three holes to play. I hit the green from the back tees with a 5-hybrid on No. 3 and Justin sunk a 25-foot putt for birdie. We parred No. 4. On No. 5, I hit a perfect fade with my driver that rolled down the hill and stopped 20 yards from the pin. Justin chipped to six feet; my putt hit a weed patch a foot from the hole that turned it in for a birdie. We each won a net of $13.

It clouded over late, turned windy and cool, so was comfortable as I walked the Maple Street Loop in 31:01. It's 8:26 p.m. Central. The Reds and Arizona begin play at 8:40. The St. Louis Little Bitches lost their fourth consecutive game this afternoon; if the Reds win tonight, they will have a three-game lead. I hope to stay awake to see it.

I did. The Reds trailed 7-3 after seven innings, but scored four runs in the eighth and ninth to win, 11-7.

First Tee/35th Street Loop

I was waiting for the gate to open at First Tee at 7:30 this morning, not that I really needed to beat the heat. Now, at 1:18 p.m. Central, it's 91 with heat index of 96, relatively pleasant for mid-August. I played the long course from the back tees in 47, again with 2 pars, 5 bogeys, and 2 triples. Last Saturday I parred Nos. 2 and 7, and tripled 4 and 5. This morning I parred 5 and 8, and tripled 2 and 6. On No. 2, I was 140 yards away with two three-woods, but behind the tree in the right rough. You know the one; it's about 75 yards short of the hole. I didn't figure my pitching wedge could go 140, but I couldn't hit a nine-iron high enough. I hit my pitching wedge over the tree, 136 yards into the right front sand trap. So I'm there in three. I hit out and way over, flubbed my pitch short, chipped on, and two putted from six feet for a triple. Later, on the driving range (it was pleasant enough to hit balls after I played), I was hitting eight irons 150 yards and leaving PGA-style divots past the ball. This grandfather said, "Look at the way he's hitting down on the ball, Stephanie." That was the most pressure i have ever felt while golfing. I hit about eight feet behind the ball on my next shot, turned and said, "Did you see the way I hit down on that one, Stephanie?" I did, however, after she and her grandfather laughed, knock the dog meat out of the next one, and then started hitting three-woods.

Tonight, starting at about 7:30 Central, I jogged the 35th Street Loop in 43:43, with splits of 11:20, 11:01, 11:15, and 10:07.

Camp Clearfork

CRYSTAL SPRINGS — I walked and jogged for 48:08 yesterday morning to cover a little over three miles on the Hangover Hash Run at Camp Clearfork.

This afternoon I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 36:43.

OVERHEARD
"Shit, I'll tell you what, I agree with Rockamundo. She's a beautiful motherfucker."
—Gary "DNR" Criglow, speaking of Melissa, the daughter of Preparation H (one of the cooks from Virginia), who Kayce Hall pointed out to me after saying, "I thought about you as soon as I saw her. She epitomizes petepretty."

First Tee/Maple Street Loop

I played First Tee this morning with Phil Martin, from the back tees, in 47, with 2 pars, 5 bogies and 2 triples. I used 17 putts.

This afternoon I took a break from the PGA Championship to walk the Maple Street Loop in 35:31. According to weather.com it's 100 with a 111 heat index. Its predicts tomorrow's high at 102, followed by highs of 96, 93, 88, and 87 through Thursday. Is this ridiculous weather near its end? On the other hand, one of the announcers just said Nick Watney is "red hot," and, fuck, he's five-under par for the day. I struggle when I try to play while red hot. I guess pros know how to adjust.

Sweetheart Loop

Ed Buckner, the Channel 11 weatherman, said Sunday that no Arkansas summer, defined as June 1 through August 31, has to this point had a higher average temperature than this one. We've had plenty of summers with more days over 100. The trouble this summer has been with the temperatures at night. For example, tonight, at 9:31 Central, it's 89. I was soaked after I jogged and ran the Sweetheart Loop in 38:03. This will not be nice tomorrow night in a cabin at Camp Clearfork, unless I decide to drink like two motherfuckers to the point of numbness. I might just show up Sunday morning, or not show up at all and stay here to watch the last round of the PGA Championship live, instead of on my VCR, for the first time since 2007. We'll see.

I will go to bed in a few minutes wondering whether I will get up in time to play First Tee from the back tees by 7:30 a.m. Central.

First Tee/Chandler Street Loop

It's 98 with a heat index of 110, but I managed to play nine holes at First Tee and finish feeling pretty good. I sat in shade for exactly five minutes between each hole through No. 6. I felt good enough to play without an interruption after I completed No. 7. It took me two hours and 32 minutes. I scored a 46, with 2 pars, 4 bogeys, and 3 doubles. I used 17 putts.

After watching the PGA Championship, I walked the Chandler Street Loop in 44:12.

Levy Loop

Yesterday morning was the muggiest in Levy history. This morning was not, but, after having showered and dressed, remaining sweat-free required I take 37:26 to walk the Levy Loop; I was consequently dry for the beginning of my trip with dad to his VA back specialist in Poplar Bluff, Mo. (where I'm sure fans still are celebrating the Little Bitches' 8-4 victory over the Reds from last night).

47th Street Loop

Starting at a little after five o'clock this morning, I jogged and walked the 47th Street Loop in 36:56. I jogged the first two miles in 11:48 and 11:10, but felt kind of clunky and was a bit bothered by the 96-degree heat index, so I slowed to complete the third mile in 13:57. Before today, I last ran the 47th Street Loop on March 25, 2009.

I was at Burns Park to practice pitching and chipping by about 6:45 a.m. Central. The large number of cars in the lot, indicative of golfers set to beat the heat, surprised me. They could not have come early enough, short of arriving last Friday morning. I was too wet to continue by about 7:30.

Maple Street Loop

I thought it would be the end of the world if the Reds lost to the Cardinals. What do you fucking know? After watching St. Louis win 7-3, and eating beans and squash and salmon at the Zaloudek's, I walked the Maple Street Loop in 29:41.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:55, to warm up for what I hope are a Reds victory over the Cubs, and a Florida Marlins victory over the Cardinals. The Reds will host the Cardinals in a three-game series beginning tomorrow, and I would love for them to start it with a 2 1/2-game lead.

35th Street Loop

After the Reds defeated the Cubs, 4-3, and the Florida Marlins beat the St. Louis Cardinals, 5-4, and the Reds took a 1 1/2-game lead over St. Louis, I jogged and walked the 35th Street Loop in 49:11. It was only 83 degrees when I started, so nearly cool.

First Tee/Orange Street Loop

It was under 90 during all of the Broadmoor-Levy Cup this morning. I played in a parka, and won the Cup back with a 48 to Krupsaw's 50. I had 1 par, 5 bogeys, 2 doubles, and 1 triple, and used 18 putts. Two three-woods put me within 50 yards on No. 8. I bladed a sand-wedge into the woods, chipped out, chipped over, chipped back, and two putted for a triple bogey. By then I was so cold I couldn't feel my hands. It was probably 85. Now I will bundle up in an electric blanket and watch the Reds beat the holy living cow fuck out the Cubs.

It rained in Levy through the last several innings of the Reds' 3-0 victory. The temperature dropped further, and it was at 79 when I stepped in from walking the Orange Street Loop in 46:19.

Chandler Street Loop

Wow, I left Hot Springs at about 2:45 p.m. Central, when NPR said it was 103 in Little Rock. As I drove out of Benton on I-30, there were dark clouds ahead. Trees started bending. I saw lightning. Soft rain fell and it's now 80 degrees. I walked and jogged the Chandler Street Loop in 38:40. It hasn't been below 80 in over a week, but weather.com says it will get to 78 tonight, with a high tomorrow of 92. I hope I can golf with my Ben Hogan swing in the morning and not feel silly.

First Tee/Levy Loop

It's silly I golfed, or at least that I waited until 10:30 a.m. to start. I hit half a bucket of balls at First Tee, walked into the clubhouse and read the paper, hit the other half, walked back in, changed shirts, then played the par-3 course. I sat in the shade for four minutes between holes, and drank a shit load of water after Holes 1, 4, and 7. I played balls from the boys' tees, in 36, and girls', in 34, or a total of 70. I had 7 pars, 6 bogeys, and 5 doubles, and used 38 putts.

It's 101 at 5:09 p.m. Central. I walked the Levy Loop in 32:44.

OVERHEARD
"Good. If you did I would've called 911."
—maintenance man at First Tee, after he saw me lying flat on my back in shade by the No. 7 tee box, parked his cart nearby, and watched me smile and sit up to say, "I don't feel nearly as bad as I look."

"What do you think would happen if we just filled it up with a bunch of mud?"
"I don't know, but we gotta try something before dad gets home."
—the two kids from whom BP derived their most recent relief effort

Ghetto Cat Loop/38th Street Loop

Levy is a scene from a climate-change movie; there are limbs and twigs and dried green leaves spread across yards and the streets. A huge tree is on top of the house at 812 33rd Street. The house looked awful, almost gross, like a hobo with a hatchet in his head. There's a truck at the top of the Orange Street hill grinding up a stack of branches. And it's 104 degrees, with a RealFeel® of 110. I walked the Ghetto Street Loop in 32:36 and decided there's no fucking way I'm going to join Randall Hunhoff for a round of the par-three course.

After learning the Miss Target Pageant is much more competitive than its Walmart equivalent, I walked the 38th Street Loop in 29:54. At 5:08 p.m. Central, it's 105, but the heat index has plummeted to 107. It's a little breezy out, too, and felt more comfortable than four hours ago. The Reds won last night, the Cardinals lost, so the Reds are back in first, and an Indian, or Pakistanian, or Bangladeshian girl is the new Miss Target.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

It may be too late, considering whatever my behavior through 51 and a half years have reduced me to, but I have begun an attempt to improve my heat tolerance. Furthermore, the attempt may end at the beginning. I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this afternoon, beginning at about 1:15 p.m., with the temperature and heat index at 100 and 110, respectively, in 31:30. Earlier I broke a sweat hitting five 7-irons into my backyard net. Heck, it's too hot for the cats. All three are inside.

I walked the Levy Loop, starting at 5 p.m. Central, in 29:07. About 15 minutes into my walk, rain started to fall, increasing from a light sprinkle to a wind-strewn, thunder-swept, scary torrent by 5:30. It rained until 7. Power was out in Levy until 8. My neighbors and I walked into our yards to ask, "Is your electricity off?" I drove on F Street in Park Hill and saw a light pole blown down, and a tree fallen across someone's Ford pickup. I was happy to see when the lights came on that the Reds led the Pirates, 3-0.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:14.

This evening I got lost while walking with a relatively new Hasher named Elenor, and we were out for an hour and twenty minutes, so probably covered about five miles.

OVERHEARD
"Katherine Hull, a person of faith, takes her religion very seriously, attends Bible study, faced with 126 yards into the eighth green."
—announcer at the British Open on Hull, in second place. Na Yeon Choi was, at that time, tied for fourth ("Na Yeon Choi, if were only more attractive as measured by contemporary standards, or American, or perhaps larger breasted, would likely be a figure of considerable interest in this game, simple as that, truly, looks to advance her streak of first- and second-place finishes to four, faced with this very tricky six-foot putt to save her par.")