First Tee/Fort Roots/Fort Roots

I played a one-man, two-ball, nine-hole scramble* at First-Tee this afternoon in 39, with 1 birdie, 4 pars, and 4 bogies. I birdied No. 5, and pared Nos. 1, 7, 8, and 9. I had to par No. 9 to break 40, and hit two crappy, chunky, 7-irons just over the women's tee-box. But I hit a pitch to 10 feet with my second sand-wedge shot, and dropped my second putt. My longest drives went 270 (no kidding, with helpful wind, about 25 yards past the row of trees on the right on No. 2), 247 (to about 25 yards on No. 1), and 246 (to 70 yards on No. 6).

I'm tired, and hungry as two motherfuckers, but encouraged enough to go scramble with the Wednesday night group at Fort Roots. They start in 58 minutes, at 5:30 p.m. Central.

Oh, the weather's turned spectacular. It's 90 degrees, but breezy and dry as Melba toast.

After Mike Jones and I finished in a three-way tie for third with a 36 in the Fort Roots Wednesday night scramble, and we won in a pitch-off when Mike hit to within about five feet from 25 yards, worth $5, I walked for 33:14 around a loop I measured years ago from the parking lot, past the softball field and around the parade grounds, a couple of times. Man, it was great out there, perfect. I played as well as I ever have in a scramble, about like the first Friday of December, 2007, at La Loma. I drove well, pitched great, hit a sand wedge to four feet on No. 6, the 100-yard par 3, and hit two 10-foot putts, plus a big curler from six feet for birdie on No. 9.

*I hit two shots each time and played the best, like in a two-man scramble

First Tee/Levy Loop

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop, starting about 10 minutes after I drove in from First Tee, in 25:55.

I played 18 holes at First Tee with Randall Hunhoff in 107, with nines of 54 and 53. It was a good 107. I drove well, didn't hit an awful iron shot all day, and pitched pretty well (in fact, the best since September of '08. I practiced quite a bit in mother's back yard last weekend, and found that a slight pause at the apex of my backswing helped). I had 1 par, 5 bogies, 6 doubles, and 6 triples. I used 41 putts, the weakest part of my game, amiss most likely from three weeks off, I hope.

38th Street Loop

I jogged the 38th Street Loop, after watching the Reds' 7-3 victory over Philadelphia, in 21:05, with splits of 10:40 and 10:25.

Old Center Point Road; Nashville High; Hash

NASHVILLE — On Friday night I jogged four miles out-and-back from my mother's house on Old Center Point Road in 41:33, with splits of 11:40, 10:40, 9:55, and 9:18. Mom and I walked eight laps Saturday evening on the North Little Rock High track in 39:20. Mom walked in the sixth lane, and I in the seventh, so we covered a bit more than two miles.

I jogged and walked with Sam Hardcastle and Basil Julian for about 35 minutes in Burns Park to cover a little over two miles on Ron Gimblet's Hash run.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 30:43.

38th Street Loop

I jogged the 38th Street Loop tonight in 20:17, with splits of 10:20, and 9:57.

Chandler Street Loop

It was 99 degrees when I started my walk of the Chandler Street Loop at about 4:30 this afternoon, but the humidity was down a bit; the heat index was a mere 102. It took me 46:25. I was not nearly as soaked as last night.

Park Hill Loop

Man, it's shitty here, muggy as ever. I jogged and walked the Park Hill Loop tonight in 55:39, with splits of 11:26, 12:02, 10:43, 11:15, and 10:13. I felt pretty good, but was drenched when I finished. I wrung out my pants and socks and stretched them across the rim of the bathtub. Fuck.

Levy Loop

When I walked the Levy Loop this morning, in 32:42, it was 91 with a RealFeel® of 101. I just got in from mowing my front yard, now three hours later, and it's 96. It seems as hot as it ever gets in Levy. My air conditioner is running non-stop.

I'm for Dustin Johnson, or anyone who can drive a 285-yard hole with a motherfuckng 3-iron, or anyone who is not half-Asian, unless they somehow let you* in the final round and count half-Eskimo as half-Asian.

*Woman Gets Final-round Exemption

By Eli Pitts
The Trash

PEBBLE BEACH, Calif. — U.S. golfer Erin Vratil, who has a career-best of 112 on a regulation, 18-hole course, was granted an unprecedented final-round exemption into the U.S. Open. She will replace Graham McDowell of Northern Ireland in the final group, and thus be paired with leader Dustin Johnson.

"Ms. Vratil's father [Paul Eckman] was raised in Pennsylvania, as was Arnold Palmer," U.S. Golf Association Executive Director David Fay said. "She is a native Alaskan, or an Alaskan native—whichever the fuck it is; I can never keep that straight, and no Alaskan woman, or any woman at all, has ever made the cut.
"So, please, get the hell off my ass. We gave Vijay Singh an exemption and I didn't hear anyone complain."

Vratil's score in the final round will be considered her four-round score. Hypothetically, if Johnson plays even-par today, Vratil will need to score 277 to win, or 278 to force a Monday playoff. McDowell trails Johnson by three strokes; Tiger Woods trails by five.

"I think I can break 300, but that depends," Vratil said. "How many balls can fit in a golf bag?"

"We're just taking it with a grain of sand," said Vratil's husband and caddy Chris Vratil.

T Highway/33rd Street Loop

I walked and jogged two miles on T Highway, from Dad's house to the end of the blacktop and back, on Thursday night and Friday morning. This evening I jogged and walked the 33rd Street Loop in 59:02, with splits of 12:19, 11:42, 11:22, 12:00, and 11:39.

Chandler Street Loop

I jogged and walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 32:54, with splits of 12:18, 10:30, and 10:06.

Sweetheart Loop/Levy Loop

I jogged and walked the Sweetheart Loop last night at about 9:30 Central in 37:13. I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 31:50.

38th Street Loop/T Highway/Hash

I walked and jogged the 38th Street Loop on Wednesday in 32:15. I was at Dad's farm and jogged and walked two miles out-and-back on T Highway in 26:18 on Thursday, and 24:00 on Friday. Saturday evening I went four miles out and back, toward the Current River, so two miles on the black top and two on the gravel road, in 42:04.

I walked and jogged about four miles on Mike Wickline's Hash run this evening. We started near the State Capitol, crossed the Arkansas River, then returned through downtown.

Levy Loop/First Tee

I walked the Levy Loop in 32:18 this morning, and played First Tee with Jeff Krupsaw this afternoon. He kept the Broadmoar-Levy Cup with a 47-49 victory. I played well until a 10 on No. 8 cooked me. I had 2 pars, 5 bogies, 1 double, and one pentagonal. I used 15 putts. It was hot, mid-90s, and very humid, awful. Dad turned 80 today. I felt 80.

38th Street Loop/Hash/Levy Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop in 31:21 Saturday morning before I helped conduct the Great Cross Country Race, which was a minor hit, though only about 30 people attended. Yesterday i was out for about an hour and probably covered a little over four miles from Curran-Conway Park near UALR. I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:10.

Hindman Park

The Great Cross Country Race will be about two and a half miles long. It took me an hour and 15 minutes to set this morning. It starts by the main pavilion in the Hindman Park recreation area, crosses the bridge over Fouche Creek (the one we crossed in our vehicles to get to the clubhouse), goes along the Hindman Park Golf Course cart path past the green and tee box of No. 15, the next-to-last par 3, and to the creek side of the No. 16 green, the last par 5. Then it follows a long-abandoned, weed-strewn road for about a half mile until it reaches, much to my surprise, a cart path for Western Hills Country Club, which closed about three years ago (I think the course is closed for keeps; at one point on the cart path I passed a stripe of red paint, indicating a green was once 100 yards away. The weeds on the fairway, which I had not recognized, were chest high. Some were well over my head. Nothing looked anything at all like a green). I followed the path until I noticed a concrete pipe, about four feet in diameter, running across the creek. It is maybe 75 yards long, and took me seven minutes to butt-scoot across (my butt still feels almost burned). Once across I followed the nightmare road I waded along Monday, and was almost driven insane by mosquitos and horse flies before I reached the pavilion. I'm not sure, but I think I heard monkeys. Fuck.

Levy Loop/First Tee

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop this morning in 26:30.

I took a lesson with Petey King, and then played nine holes at First Tee in 50, with 1 par, 4 bogies, 2 doubles, and 2 triples. I still need some work with my irons, but wasn't pulling them so badly. I hit seven drives between 230 and 240, without a hook, two three-woods dead straight about 220, and a seven-wood about 180 to the fringe on No. 4. I used 18 putts.

Tomorrow I set the Great Cross Country Race from Hindman Park and am worried. It so fucking gross out there.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop late this morning in 47:56.

38th Street Loop

It's kind of shitty out; 91 with the humidity at 54 percent, not atypical for a June 1 early evening, but shitty. Anyway, I came in from walking the 38th Street Loop in 32:47 to find all three cats sleeping. Samantha was at the end of the driveway, Pam just off the driver's side back bumper of my car, and Jo on the front-porch chair closest to the door. They didn't budge. I could've been a burglar. Fuck it. We're sleeping.

The Cardinals beat the Reds, I think, 12-2 yesterday. It might've been 13-3. It was a goddamn slaughter. Game 2 starts in about thirty minutes.