York Gary Loop/Nashville/Nashville/York Gary Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the York Gary Loop on Tuesday night in 31:02. I walked randomly around the southwest portion of Nashville for 49:21 on Wednesday morning, and 47:21 on Thursday morning, and walked the York Gary Loop on Thursday evening in 28:39. Starting at about 9:45 a.m. Central, I walked the Orange Street 43:33. It's 71 degrees at noon, four degrees warmer than the Dec. 31 Levy record. This climate-change phenomenon is amazing. It does everything. It dumps eight feet of snow on New York, and, two days later, makes people in Levy open their windows and turn on their attic fans. We're under a tornado watch on New Year's Eve.

The DFL's Green Bay Packers defeated the Complete Sellouts 151.55-69.77 to finish third for the season, and to become the first team in our new sixteen-team format to break 150 points. It haunts me to know I would've won the Cooper Bowl if Johnny Knox had not caught a 67-yard touchdown pass for the Chicago Bears in my semifinal loss to the Cavemen. One fucking play.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:07, and slipped on a puddle of ice, a first this season.

The Democrat Football League's Green Bay Packers lead the Complete Sellouts, 141.55-50.44, in the post-season consolation game. I have a defensive end for the Atlanta Falcons, John Abraham, going tonight. The Sellouts have Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson. We'll lose if Abraham fails to score and Peterson rushes for 910 yards or scores 16 touchdowns.

The NFL's Packers beat the soup out of the New York Giants yesterday and will make the playoffs with a victory over the Chicago Bears next Sunday.

OVERHEARD
"No time for you thirteen losers because we are the third-place champions of the world and shit."
—Green Bay Packers Coach Freddie Mercury

Orange Street Loop/York Gary Loop/York Gary Loop/Hash

I walked the Orange Street Loop on Christmas Eve morning in 43:33, the York Gary Loop on Christmas Eve evening in 28:40, the York Gary Loop on Christmas morning in 31:14, and ran and walked for 50 minutes, to cover nearly four miles, from Emerald Park, near Fort Roots, late this afternoon.

York Gary Loop/York Gary Loop/Orange Street Loop

I jogged and ran the Orange Street Loop this evening in 31:19, with splits of 11:18, 10:20, and 9:41.

I walked Nashville's York Gary Loop this morning in 29:40, and last night in 27:52.

Sweetheart Loop

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 39:45, with splits of 14:06, 13:09, and 12:30.

The Cavemen defeated the Green Bay Packers, 118.84-110.13, to advance to next week's Democrat Football League Cooper Bowl.

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 45:39.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning, as I marked the Baby Jesus Memorial Three-mile Race to Hell, in 49:16. The Hash will come later to run it. Results will appear in the p.m. edition of Pam's Boy.

Furthermore, Pam's Boy will report the latest results of the Green Bay Packers' DFL Cooper Bowl semifinal game with the Cavemen. After Thursday night's game, in which both teams had one player, the Cavemen lead 30.85-10.60. We remain confident, despite the fact the my quarterback Aaron Rodgers, also the quarterback of the NFL's Green Bay Packers, is out with a concussion. His replacement, Tennessee's Kerry Collins called Rodgers a "pussy," and said the Packers would still "beat the shit out of the Cavemen and mail it to them in their hats."

Jeff Thorensten won the Baby Jesus Memorial Three-mile Race to Hell in 21:03. Lacy, Zach's wife, won the women's division in 30:45.

The DFL's Green Bay Packers lead the Cavemen 110.13-94.25. The Cavemen have two players going tomorrow night—a running back, Matt Forte, and a wide receiver, Johnny Knox, for the Chicago Bears—projected to score a total of seventeen points. We're hanging on, scared to death.

Orange Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 39:28.

Starting at about 5:30 p.m. Central, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 27:59.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 42:06.

Orange Street Loop/Levy Loop Classic

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 43:31.

I ran Levy Loop Classic this evening in 20:12, with splits of 10:28 and 9:44. The second mile was my first under ten minutes since September 22.

Sweetheart Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 43:38.

This evening, starting at about 5:25 Central, I walked the Levy Loop in 28:51.

Orange Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 42:05. I didn't record the splits, but they were something like 14:35, 14:07, and 13:23.

This evening, starting at about 5:45 Central, I alternated three-minute jogs and runs with two-minute walks to complete the Ghetto Cat Loop in 21:54, with splits of 11:10 and 10:44.

Chandler Street Loop/Levy Loop Classic

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 45:03. It was 27 degrees, but wind-free and very blue.

Starting at about 5:40 p.m., I jogged Levy Loop Classic in 22:21, with splits of 11:20 and 11:01.

Hash

CONWAY — I jogged and walked for 26:44 and covered a little over two miles with the Hash from Cadron Park, about five miles west of Conway. Again, I had a hoot.

OVERHEARD
"The only way to stop Michael Vick is to find some way to limit him."
—Chris Collinsworth, commentator on Sunday Night Football

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked and jogged the Ghetto Cat Loop this evening in 26:14.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning, starting at about 8:30 Central, in 28:57.

PARAGRAPH OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
There were a handful of days like this each August. Wind came from the northwest and had, since the night before, blown away the dankness. High clouds diffused into a translucent sheet and spread over the blue to leave a bright white afternoon, breezy and dry and almost cool, all serving as an advertisement for fall. These sorts of days always reminded Ingram of football, even now with this before him, as he walked through waves of roaring cheer to the microphone set between him and the last crowd he would address. St. Louis was a baseball town, and he could see it, Cardinal jerseys and shirts and hats everywhere, and smell it, the air streaked by wafts of barbecue smoke, filled with the scents of charcoal and hickory, butane and beer.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Karen jogged to her car, five blocks away, and then drove back to pick up Ingram and take him home.*

*the last sentence, for now, and just for the hell of it, here's the first, for now: They were met by the smell of sweat as doors to the St. Louis locker room opened.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 29:13.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
That possibility, rather probability, occured to her the moment she heard of the shooting, the night before, as she sat at her desk at the paper writing about professional football players, but it was overridden by the reports she’d heard from her parents, from Carmichael and Lockwood, from Kelleher and Seale, and by this conversation with Ingram, until he ushered its return.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 32:23.

Once again, I've forgotten how to hit irons. Somehow, without them, I managed a 51 from the middle tees at First Tee, playing with Randall Hunhoff this afternoon. I had 5 bogies, 2 doubles, and 2 triples. I used 17 putts. I bogeyed the last three holes after I began hitting four-hybrid pitch shots on my approaches.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
She had never made a more difficult decision, and she had from time to time, usually late at night, after half a fifth of Pinot noir, regretted it, but nevertheless, Karen felt creeping vines of doubt after no more than a month; being with Ingram, she could not have escaped them.

Levy Loop Classic

I walked the original Levy Loop, the one I ran from the summer of 1996 through 2007, in 27:52 this morning.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram, his smile unaltered, turned toward the street, then back in the instant before blood burst from his face and splattered across Green, propelled by the explosion and fire extending from Lardner’s hand.

Hash/Levy Loop

Yesterday afternoon I jogged and walked for forty minutes with the Hash, out close to the dog pound past the theatre on Col. Glenn Road; you know, the one where we saw the Midway Island movie. I felt good running. It was colder than two motherfuckers, and a blast to be out for a while. I'll bet I drank eight cans of Milwaukee's Best Light, and was there for at least an hour with Basil Julian, Tiny Tim Biggs, and Steve Roberts (Big Bloody Ketchup), after everyone else left.

I came home to see that the DFL's Green Bay Packers defeated the Ratpackers, 110.66-70.80. We finished at 10-3, out best regular-season record since the DFL was formed in 1997. We get a bye through the first round of the playoffs. We need to win one more game to make our second Cooper Bowl, our first since 2003. We've never won it.

This morning, starting at about nine o'clock, I walked the Levy Loop in 28:40.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Seale was summoned from his office to a row of television sets in the newsroom of the St. Louis Morning Report; he noticed first a shot of Keith Ingram and then heard the report in progress: “...Lardner, the former director of SAGA Midwest in St. Louis, and a former romantic partner of SAGA founder and national director Bobby Green, said he suspected almost immediately that Ingram was not gay, but that he considered it no more than a curiosity until Ingram announced his intention to run for the U.S. congressional seat from Missouri’s First District, held since 1968 by Ronald Hardman.”

SENTENCE OF THE DAY on Sunday from A Different Closet
They agreed it was difficult for anyone to prove their sexuality, and that under ordinary circumstances there would be no need, but that this circumstance was the opposite: “To belabor the obvious, he’s presented himself as gay to a national audience, and now SAGA is running him as a homosexual man for a seat in congress,” Glass said. “It’s the basis of their effort, and the limelight he’s been cast in, not just here, but from coast to coast for christ’s sake.”

Levy

I did a random walk for a newspaper this morning. I walked through the parking lot of the old Walmart and got sentimental; I wondered about Maggie for the first time in years. She was this cute little curly-haired brunette I had a crush on back in the fall of '03. The last time I saw her was in early December, seven years ago. She helped me find a lint roller. I guess she'd be about 25 now. I was out for 31:29, and probably went a bit over two miles.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Three days later, Lardner walked from Peterman Pawn and Jewelry, on Mississippi Avenue in East St. Louis, with a Randall A112, a forty-five caliber pistol he thought rather masculine; it gave him an odd, unfamiliar feeling he could not quite pinpoint—nearly pleasurable, though bereft of the security he had sought with his purchase.

38th Street Loop

For some reason I forgot to report on my walk of the 38th Street Loop this morning. Maybe it was because I'm writing a lot, about 1,500 words a day, trying to finish A Different Closet soon (I hope on Tuesday, no later than Thursday). Anyway, I walked the loop in 29:22. I hope when this book's done, I'll start running a bit. We'll see.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Kelleher knew he was scribbling gold in his reporter’s notebook, that the quote just spoken was potentially unique in American politics, that it would impress some as it impressed him, would anger most, and would demand explanations from Ingram from now until August, assuming he remained in the race.

Sweetheart Loop

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 43:48.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
On this warm afternoon there were with them a total of perhaps thirty players, passersby, and common riffraff; they’d seen Kelleher’s sort, the occasional gaggle of reporters, but heretofore for riots or criminal investigations, or for those annual exposures of the downtrodden designed to make the bulk of urban populations and inhabitants of their suburbs feel guilty, or fortunate.

Orange Street Loop

I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop tonight in 36:44, with splits of 12:20, 12:14, and 12:10, after I watched Scrooged with my mother. This afternoon, Mom and I walked the one-mile Emerson Drive Loop in 19:13. I think that's a pretty good mile for a 78-eight-year-old woman. At about nine a.m., just before I reached the one-mile mark of the 38th Street Loop, I noticed a Siamese cat walking toward me on Emerson, about a half-mile from my house. I'm pretty sure I'd seen that cat before, and expected it to run away. But it was meowing as I approached. I stooped to pet it and, fuck, it looked awful. The first thing I noticed were its puffy eyes, and then scabs of dried saliva and mucous around its mouth, and then its bones. It looked like an escapee from a concentration camp for cats. I picked it up, the cat felt like a furry bag of sticks, and carried it home. It weighed three pounds on my bathroom scales. I put it in the now pristine laundry room, made sure Jo—who went ape—stayed in the house, and filled cereal bowls with cat food and water. It ate for about half an hour and then wandered off, maybe to die. Writing this now, I realize I should've taken it to my vet. Shit. I guess I thought I could save it. I hope to see it tomorrow.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
It took Bill Seale about six months of marriage to Elsie to convince her he didn’t want anything fancy for breakfast—no quiche, no soufflés, no crepes, just bacon and eggs, hash browns, and buttered toast; a little fruit was permissible, waffles or pancakes occasionally, sausage was fine, biscuits, and grits, but that was it; outside of cream gravy and Log Cabin syrup, save the sauces for company; he, of course, wanted his coffee black, and his eggs over-easy, so he could dunk toast in the yolk, which he did as he finished Kelleher’s sidebar on Lardner’s resignation.

Levy Loop/First Tee

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 31:53.

This might've been the greatest round ever played without a single decent iron shot. Playing with Jeff Krupsaw and Randall Hunhoff, I scored a 48 from the middle tees at First Tee, with 1 par, 4 bogies, and 4 doubles. I used 17 putts. It was 45 degrees when we started, with wind blowing between twenty and thirty miles an hour.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
They watched Karen trot up the steps toward the Arch, heard the click of her shoes against the white stone fade into the soft rumble of faraway traffic.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning, through mist, in 32:46.

The DFL's Green Bay Packers defeated the Dadburn Gallinappers, 129.91-111.09, to improve to 9-3 and just about lockup a second-place finish, even if they lose next week. That means the Packers will almost certainly get a bye through the first round of the playoffs and only have to win two games to win their first Cooper Bowl.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
But it was hard, Seale knew; they were all in store for turbulence, drawn as they were to the many strands of this man’s character now gathered in such a volatile cirmcumstance.

Levy Loop

I jogged the Levy Loop tonight in 21:26, with splits of 11:04, and 10:22, my first non-stop non-walk since, fuck, a while—early October or late September, I think. I'll have to look. It felt pretty easy.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Stories ran all week, including a long advance for Ingram’s announcement in Saturday’s edition, now lying on the kitchen table in front of him as he struggled to eat this breakfast of fruit, nuts, and whole grain.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 30:44.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Somewhere late during his conversation at Tinker’s the previous Sunday, with Seale, Green, Karen, and a couple of professional football players, right after Wilber Marshall recovered a fumble and ran fifty-two yards for a touchdown just to rub in Chicago’s dominance, Ingram remembered that Seale, his horse-racing friend, was the goddam publisher of a newspaper in a major American market, and that he had just spent nearly an hour talking to him about the political ambition he’d been brainwashed into over the previous three weeks.

Ghetto Cat Loop

Yesterday morning, at 6:30, it was 69 degrees. This morning, at 9:30, when I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 32:58, it was 37.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Later that night, Karen would say she’d cringed at Seale’s question, and was likewise pleased when Carmichael treated it as it was intended—as a genuine expression of concern.

Orange Street Loop

Happy Thursday. I walked and jogged the first two miles of the Orange Street Loop this morning in 27:57.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
But when Junior was their source, all insults, all mockery and derision, were taken by veterans of Tinker’s with a pinch of salt, including this one.

Sweetheart Loop

I jogged and walked the Sweetheart Loop tonight in 33:37, with splits of 12:04, 11:06, and 10:27. It's 71 degrees at 9:09 p.m. Central on the night before the last Thursday in November. Crazy. They say it's going to turn cold tomorrow, so perhaps into a good day to watch football and fry oysters and new potatoes with yellow onions.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Having checked the shelves and racks of his imagination for over a year, he’d found no reliable guide to dishonesty, no manuals, no set of instructions for his deceit.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 25:54.

The Democrat Football League's Green Bay Packers defeated the Fat Chicks 130.11-73.22 and moved into second place, at 8-3, in the sixteen-team DFL behind Jeff Krupsaw's bunch of motherfuckers. There are two game's left in the regular season. Krup's Kids, the Cavemen, and the Green Bay Packers have clinched positions in the playoffs.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Tinker’s Bar and Grill, on 21st Street, a thirty-second walk north of Locust, was the only bar Ingram knew of in St. Louis that celebrated football first; there were a handful of obligatory framed photographs of the Dean brothers and Stan the Man, of Bob Gibson, a jersey autographed by Ducky Medwick, and a smattering of felt Cardinals pennants yellowed by four generations of cigarette smoke, but Junior Tinker, the fifty-four-year-old son of the bar’s founder, the late Luke Tinker, was a four-year football letterman at Northwest Missouri State in the early 1950s when he quit school to run his father’s bar, and he switched the heart of its decorative theme to football, and the dark paneled walls and oak mantels began to sprout memorabilia heavily slanted toward the Missouri Tigers, until St. Louis acquired its professional team from Chicago in 1960.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this evening in 27:15.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Her effort appeared magical as she flashed her hands between the reins and the filly’s mane and then pulled the cords taught, all in an urgent and furious and passionate blur, until calm flowed through her grip, and her filly’s panic turned to the poise of a confident athlete.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this evening in 28:55.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
By the time he turned north on McDonnell Boulevard off I-270, three miles from home, his thoughts had coalesced into something like driftwood, able at least to hold a current until one more powerful took control.

Orange Street Loop

I alternated two-minute jogs with three-minute walks to complete the Orange Street Loop this evening in 33:54, with splits of 11:37, 11:34, and 10:43.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Post-it Notes and recipes and snap shots, secured by magnets and tape, scattered in a quiet cascade, and her sweater snagged on a hinge to produce a progessive exposure of white flesh and pink brassiere as momentum carried her to an inevitable landing, comfortably padded by a pair of old cotton corduroys and the eight beers she’d drunk.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 27:14.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
She salted the mass of seafood and starch and placed it on her tongue, and then smiled as she chewed, with submerged laughter eager to erupt.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

This morning, at about nine Central, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 33:40. I walked the Levy Loop this evening in 28:20.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He watched Karen squeeze lemons over blackened shrimp and fish resting on small beds of pasta, as vapor from the buttered okra and carrots danced above their plates; she then juggled a pan from the oven, used a spatula to scoop from it steaming slices of tomato separated by flows of Swiss cheese and grated mushrooms bubbling and popping in dashes of olive oil, and let them slide beside the seafood.

Sweetheart Loop/First Tee

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 43:30.

I played First Tee this afternoon with Randall Hunhoff, from the middle tees, in 54, with 1 par, 2 bogies, 3 doubles, 2 triples, and 1 quadruple. I used 21 putts.

And, oh, by the way, the DFL's Green Bay Packers defeated Shanny'nMcNabb (don't ask me), 101.58-65.55 to move to 7-3 and into third place in our sixteen-team league. It was a comfortable, easy victory, though my team underperformed. The team we beat sucks dicks. We have three weeks left in the regular season. Jeff Krupsaw's team is loaded and will be hard to beat, though lots can happen, including a large sum of money being wired to Erin Vratil in an attempt to motivate her to fly to Philadelphia and arrange to have Michael Vick placed in a Motel Six bathroom with two and a half dozen rabid and hungry pit bulldogs.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Karen did this to him sometimes, but each time it felt like the first, without precedent; he felt something packed away in his core that was almost but not quite painful, a restriction in his chest, and it was literally hard to breathe, all in an instant, and Ingram remembered the feeling, with Karen and with Cam Luru and his ex-wife and with a girl from the second grade whose name he’d forgotten three decades ago.

38th Street Loop

It's 45 degrees, dark gray, windy, with an intermittent drizzle. I walked the 38th Street Loop in 30:21.

Early this afternoon, Mom and I walked the 1.1-mile Lakewood Lake No. 3 Loop in 19:44, thus trimming our PR by sixteen seconds.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He pulled in, parked, and noticed his favorite clerk, the tall skinny kid...shit...oh yeah, Seth, behind a cash register, and it occured to him as he pushed through the door that this is what he needed, a breath of regular air with Seth, the All-American clerk, no cologne, no freshly-ground coffee, no date nut cake, no gay kingpins, just the damp floor of this mini-mart mopped with week-old, cold brown water, with cold beer waiting on the other side.

Chandler Street Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 40:04, with splits of 13:51, 13:54, and 12:19.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Lardner, heretofore contemptuous of Hardman, felt himself start to warm to his simplicity—a commodity, thanks to Ingram, he was beginning to recognize as an earmark of nothing, certainly not of idiocy as he had always suspected.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 26:32.

This evening, starting at about eight o'clock Central, I walked the Levy Loop in 24:17.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Lardner knew the whole concept was a sham, Ingram an imposter, and that Green had invited Dornfeld and his fortune to facilitate it; he had no doubt that Ingram’s heterosexuality was hidden in a different closet, at first for the sake of a salary doubled, but now, by the unlikely happenstance of an uppercut televised across the county, kept there to serve Green’s ambition once reserved for him.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this evening in 29:42. Around 10:30 this morning, Mom and I walked the Lakewood Lake No. 3 circle, which Elaine Gimblet says is 1.1 miles, in 20:00. I think that was about ninety seconds faster than our previous best.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Still, he recognized the legitimacy of weather comlaints from St. Louis citizens; their city was climatically unfair, its boiling summers uncompensated, rather counterbalanced by frigid winters featuring bitterly cold days like this one.

Levy Loop/38th Street Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:58.

This evening, starting at about 5:30 Central, I walked the 38th Street Loop in 24:44.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
St. Louis always appealed to Lance Dornfeld, staged as it was on the western edge of America’s first act of greatness, when urban factories and smokestacks and black-and-white photographs of a thousand men wearing gray suits and felt fedoras and black leather gloves, marching to run the world, combined to represent the essence of American might; it was like Manhattan's other midwestern and northern satellites—Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, Detroit and Milwaukee, Cleveland and Cincinnati—now poised with their significance in varying degrees of decay, but hinged so firmly to the past that romance and sentimentality, nostalgia, secured for them present and future roles.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 25:54.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram had never before owned an alarm with a snooze function, and learned early it overwhelmed his discipline; it wasn’t uncommon for him to engage it for an hour or more before getting up, so he moved the clock ten feet away, and now walked across layers of unwashed clothes, newspapers, and magazines to mute the noise.

Old Center Point Road/York Gary Loop/Levy Loop/First Tee

Monday evening in Nashville I jogged and walked, for a total of about five minutes, four miles out and back on Old Center Point Road in 42:58, with splits of 11:12, 11:02, 10:40, and 10:04. I walked the York Gary Loop on Tuesday morning in 29:20. I walked the Levy Loop in 27:30 this morning.

Starting this afternoon at two o'clock Central, I played First Tee from the back with Randall Hunhoff in 46, with 2 pars, 4 bogeys, and 3 doubles. I used 17 putts.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Hardman wore a smile as a disguise, betrayed for Ingram by its wryness.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Tuesday) from A Different Closet
Ingram was capable now, he knew, as he launched from his left leg, with the ball tucked in his right palm reaching the height of the rim three feet away, and then rising above his target with six inches of clearance, all this ingrained to feel instinctive as his shoulder and elbow and wrist pronated in order, with the ball launched down at an angle to stroke the back of the shiny new nylon net.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Monday) from A Different Closet
He remembered similar experiences, when he seemed to transcend what he perceived as his physiological limit; athletes know about them, those rare, easily recallable instances when they ran faster or jumped higher or pushed harder than before, feats they never considered until they were upon them and became inevitable.

First Tee/Levy Loop

I played First Tee with Zach and Lacey, from the middle tees, in 44 this afternoon, with 4 pars, 3 bogies, 1 double, and 1 triple. I used 18 putts.

Starting at about 6:30 p.m. Central, I walked the Levy Loop in 29:18.

I haven't reported on the Democrat Football League's Green Bay Packers in a while; we're 5-3, and probably 6-3 after tonight. We're kicking the Subdivision's butt, and currently in fourth place in our sixteen-team league.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram knew Shoemaker and he had earned high degrees of noteworthiness in their youth, but figured odds were slight the same could be said of any of the other seven men with them.

38th Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 29:11. Last I looked, it was 32 degrees in Levy, and 63 in Port Hawkesbury, Nova Scotia.

Starting at about 645 p.m. Central, I walked the Orange Street Loop in 36:58, with splits of 12:46, 12:25, and 11:47. The key swing thoughts in this race-walk business are putting your feet down to the inside, as if you were trying to walk a tight rope (this is what makes race walkers' hips go from side to side in that very funny looking way), bending your toes up toward your shins as far as you can as you step forward, and really getting your arms into it. It takes a lot of concentration, but got easier as I went tonight. A few times, when it was all clicking, I felt almost as if I were running. This could be a good cross-training exercise. I think I might feel less self-conscious on the River Trail than in Levy.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Six weeks in a cast was a new experience, and his right hand felt odd, weak perhaps, with numbness where the plaster had pinched the base of his thumb, but after a moment of dribbling and taking a handful of shots and layups he became unconscious of it.

Orange Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked a 12:58 mile this morning. Crazy. For some reason I decided after about two miles to see if I could walk the Orange Street Loop under 43 minutes. With a little more than a half mile to go, I changed my target to a sub-42. I got it in 41:51, with splits of 14:40, 14:13, and 12:58. No kidding, I think I started to look a little like a race walker toward the finish. Maybe I'll run a bit next week.

I spent about thirty minutes this afternoon reading an Internet entry on race-walk technique, and then ten minutes practicing. I'm not sure I could ever get it down. This evening, I race-walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 25:44, with splits of 12:55 and 12:49. Whenever I passed anyone, or saw or heard a car, I just walked kind of fast.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He sensed camaraderie so strongly he was certain of its presence; it was something he had first recognized as an eight-year-old playing touch football, and thereafter at dozens of gyms and golf courses and on brown, dusty fields, where men—and a rare, perfect woman or two—gathered to play, where acceptance was based on a willingness to embrace the game and its participants, where the stakes were low, where the differences between success and failure were separated by such a fine, thin line that emotional responses were nearly identical either way, where the only thing that truly mattered was being there, like being here mattered to him and these eight men.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 29:52.

I played First Tee with Randall Hunhoff from the back tees this afternoon in 48, with 1 birdie, 3 bogies, and 5 doubles. I used 17 putts.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
There was only one tier of seating, limited to two-thousand, wooden, fold-out chairs painted dark green, but their brass trim and hinges, polished to emit the spill from lights focused on players and the parquet floor, combined with all the rest to reflect almost exactly what Ingram had imagined when he watched the Celtics televised from Boston.

Sweetheart Loop

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this evening in 46:08.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Karen stopped to pretend interest in a large Pyrex dish of shrimp souffle; she heard Ingram say, “Can I tell you something off the record?” and Seale: “Well, sure, so long as it ain’t somethin crazy, like, you know, you ‘bout to kill the president or set off an A-bomb in Moscow. But, sure, within some framework of reason, anything you tell me’s off the record, Keith.”

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning through a 50-degree light drizzle in 30:01, perfect conditions for my cold.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
The crowd remained loud enough to offer privacy; Ingram did not bother to whisper.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning, starting at about 9 a.m. Central, in 30:32.

This evening, at about 6:30, I ran a little bit for the first time, other than on a Hash run, since the '80s, when I jogged one minute of every four to complete the Levy Loop in 26:45. I have a cold, my first in a couple of years. Nothing severe. Sniffles, sneezes, a slight sore throat this morning.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He had spoken briefly with Bill and Elsie Seale a few minutes earlier, and hoped for a chance to broach the matter with Bill, but instead listened to their detailed description of Elsie’s Peking duck; he would attempt to isolate them again before the evening was complete, but for the moment his thoughts centered on food.

Levy/Hash

I walked around Levy, into the even lower lower middle class section behind Kroger, bought a paper, and walked home in 32:42.

Late this afternoon, I jogged and walked for 48 minutes, mostly on the Little Rock River Trail, with the Hash, to cover a little bit more than three miles.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
On the first Friday after New Year’s, 1934, Karen Shoemaker’s maternal grandmother hosted a post-holiday potluck at her home in Springfield, Illinois, which began a tradition now maintained for five decades; Ellen Shoemaker explained to Ingram that the meal was established by her mother as an excuse for the disposal of holiday leftovers, but that it had evolved into a competitive feast shortly after the second World War, as he gazed at three pies and cakes, at least a dozen cassaroles, and platters of iced boiled shrimp, Oysters Rockefeller, and au gratin potatoes steeped in cheese on one of three folding tables.

Maple Street Loop/First Tee

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:41. It was 34 degrees when I walked in at about 7:45 Central. It should be a nice late morning and early afternoon for golf. We'll see.

The weather was perfect. I played First Tee with Randall Hunhoff and Steve Beetsra, the dentist, from the back tees, or from 6,856 yards, in 103, with nines of 51 and 52. I had 2 pars, 7 bogies, 5 doubles, 3 triples, and 1 pentagonal. I used 33 putts. I had a decent chance of breaking 100. I was at 21-over after fourteen holes, but played the last four in 10-over instead of the 6-over I needed. The 5-over on one hole, No. 6, hurt. I was tired, plus I suck.

Oh. The highlights included the 551-yard second hole (the second time around, so No. 10), hit with two three-woods and a seven-iron for par, and the 475-yard fourth hole (again, the second time), which I two-putted from 92 feet (from the very back to the front pin) for bogey.

SENTENCES OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
The women were dressed alike, each in khaki pants and dark, wool flannel shirts, and perfectly weathered hiking boots, outfits likely ordered from L.L. Bean; Ingram had seen at least a dozen catalogues scattered around Karen’s house.

First Tee/Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

Yesterday afternoon I played First Tee with Zach Henson, of Zach and Lacey from the Hash, in 49, with 1 par, 4 bogies, 3 doubles, and 1 triple. I used 19 putts. Last evening I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 31:12.

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 29:22.

Starting at about 3:30 p.m. Central, Mother and I walked two miles on the River Trail, out and back from the I-30 bridge in downtown North Little Rock, in 41:04.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram responded with his standard rebuttal, honed over the previous twenty years, that common sense was the sediment of advice handed children for the sake of security, consistency, and safety; he acknowledged its usefulness, but knew the underlying truths essential for progress were often buried beneath it, and that someone had to do the digging, even if it incited comments like Karen's, or led to the occasional flat tire.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Thursday) from A Different Closet
There was always a radiance about her; it was there as they watched her walk from the kitchen, a luminous quality in the self-assured way she carried herself.

York Gary Loop/First Tee

Last night in Nashville I walked the York Gary Loop in 28:51, after I found out that the course I'd walked since the fall of 1997 was closer to 2.15 miles. In 1997 I weighed 192 pounds, and my theory is that I thought then something like, fuck, that's close enough. Usually, in those days, I didn't run when I was at my mom's. Anyway, go back and knock a couple of minutes off all my York Gary Loop times.

I played pretty well today, after 13 days off. I had three penalty strokes at First Tee, but still scored a 46 from the middle tees, with 3 pars, 3 bogeys, 2 doubles, and 1 triple. I"m not sure what my record is for putts over nine holes. I know I once had 30 for 18. Today I used 14, which I'm pretty sure at least ties my best, with five two putts and four one putts, from roughly five to seven feet.

I jogged and walked the Chandler Street Loop tonight in 35:28, with splits of 12:17, 11:50, and 11:21.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
All she approved of was the smile that acknowledged and balanced his oddness; he wore it often, like now, as he attempted to defend his thousand-dollar jalopy.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Tuesday) from A Different Closet
“Wait a minute,” Ronald Hardman said. “Stop right there. Let me make sure I got this straight. You’re telling me this overnight gay sensation thinks he can take my seat? He knocks out A.J. Carmichael, and now he thinks he’s qualified to run for congress? They didn’t say anything about that on 60 Minutes, did they?”

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 29:43.

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop tonight in 29:20.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Green spoke of his conversation with Lance Dornfeld, when Jack Kemp’s name arose as a man elected to congress in his first political race; no one questioned his leadership ability, not from this sports-obsessed culture, where the quarterback of a championship football team is granted respect otherwise reserved for victorious battlefield commanders.
“Oh, I see,” Ingram said. “As a former point guard for Henderson State, I’m roughly as qualified for politics as Dwight Eisenhower and Jack Kemp, outside of the part where Eisenhower won World War II and Kemp led Buffalo to three AFL championships.”

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 29:39.

I ran and walked for 25 minutes on Eleanor's Hash run, set from Alsopp Park. We cut it short when the tornado sirens sounded. Hail fell.


SENTENCE OF DAY from A Different Closet
Green imagined he and Ingram might be mistaken for father and son as they walked the perimeter of Forest Park Golf Course; he wore a black suit and matching trench coat, and a pinstriped fedora, while Ingram a letter jacket, faded blue jeans, and a navy blue skull cap found in Lardner’s office closet.

Big Dam Bridge-River Trail

Mom and I walked the Big Dam Bridge and then a half mile on the River Trail to cover two miles in 43:59.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from a Different Closet
With no further gesture, Lardner turned, retrieved his coat from a rack near the door, and stepped outside.*
*drawn from the three sentences written Saturday

NA/Levy Loop

NASHVILLE—Heck, I guess I need to at least record these in my diary. I walked for 34:11 on Monday, 31:57 on Tuesday, 31:53 on Wednesday, 29:53 on Thursday, and this evening i jogged and walked the Levy Loop in 24:37, and felt very good. Looking back now, after writing the times, I remember what I did. In order, I walked at random all over the southern section of Nashville; an out-and-back; the same out-and-back, except I went about 100 yards further out; and a two-mile out-and-back on Old Center Point Road. Twice I walked two laps of the inner loop at Nashville City Park with Mother in just under twenty minutes and, this morning, in 19:25.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Clad in old Levi’s, and a new Pendleton crewneck sweater; it was plaid, with narrow red stripes running through wide tendrils of navy blue and green, or, Dartmouth green as Karen said after he unwrapped it at nearly midnight on Christmas; Ingram stepped in from the wind and cold and charcoal gray to see Bobby Green and Steven Lardner, wearing dark suits and bright ties, seated on the same Spartan furniture, twenty feet away, from which the young gay man and the old lesbian and the straight high school principal conspired to persuade him to take the job he assumed he was to begin this minute.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Thursday) from A Different Closet
His experiences with political campaigns were limited to the roles of a volunteer, manning phones, handing out leaflets, but Green knew enough to know the principal concern of any campaign was money, and he knew the man to raise it.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Wednesday) from A Different Closet
His evidence of Ingram’s ability included a handful of meetings, and episodes of Monday Night Football, the Larry Moss Show, and 60 Minutes, all enough to make him confident Ingram possessed the wherewithal of a capable political candidate.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Tuesday) from A Different Closet
Karen never thought Ingram conventionally handsome, rather, as he put it, a bit ordinary; he could’ve passed for a shoe salesman at Sears, but sometimes, like now, he became in a breath the best looking man she’d seen.

York Gary Loop/Old Centerpoint Road/York Gary Loop/Nashville

NASHVILLE—Friday evening I walked the York Gary Loop in somewhere between 33 and 34 minutes. Saturday morning I walked a two-mile out-and-back on Old Centerpoint Road in 29:02, Sunday morning I walked the York Gary Loop in 32:42, and this morning I walked at random around the southern part of Nashville for 34:11. I also walked with Mother at the Nashville City Park for about twenty minutes on Saturday and Sunday.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
“It was just the way he was; you know, all boy all the time,” Julie Hopper said. “There was this ridiculous game he used to play. He called it the Miss Wherever Pageant. Wherever we went, he’d try to pick out the best looking girl and name her after the place; like, for instance, the best looking girl at a Waffle House would be Miss Waffle House. It was endless. There were Miss Walmarts, Miss War Memorial Stadiums, Miss Pizza Huts, you name it, Miss Faculty Dining Room. I’m not sure, but I don’t think gay men play that game. Also, this was kind of odd, he had a thing for kind of cute little boyish-looking teenaged girls. They almost always won his Miss Wherever contests. His friends all gave him a hard time about it. But, don’t misunderstand me, he wasn’t a pervert, at least I don’t think he was, but his winners were never the conventional beauties; you know, your typical big-breasted blondes, the kind of women who marry professional golfers or...I don’t know, New York Yankees. They just didn’t appeal to him.”

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Sunday) from A Different Closet
Their table sat next to a long row of windows, from which they could see students walking to and from classes, or congregated in small groups on an open area of concrete and brick, with several young Bradford pear trees growing from small, brick-lined, circular openings; a three-story, red-brick library served as their backdrop, one hundred feet away.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Saturday) from A Different Closet
Old wood and new cotton—his room’s perfumes—lingered as he walked toward the Times-Record Building, three blocks further south on Capital Avenue; he heard a barge horn blow over the rumble of mid-morning city traffic; it was a cloudless, comfortably cool, perfectly blue day, and sharp sunlight, cutting along the old, stone-building shadows, contributed to the vigor of this southern fall morning.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Friday) from A Different Closet
At a quarter past noon, The Hob-Nob was perfectly packed with a cross section of what Lardner perceived as the local populace, men in outdated suits, farmers, and laborers—little different from those in St. Louis—wearing filthy jeans and old sweatshirts or denim jackets; there were also a smattering of young adults, seemingly students, and a handful or business women, bank tellers or secretaries, he imagined.

Maple Street Loop/York Gary Loop/Nashville Country Club/York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE — I jogged and walked the Maple Street Loop on Tuesday morning, before I was called to Nashville, in 24:52. On Wednesday, I walked the York Gary Loop in 32:17. On Thursday, I played the Nashville Country Club in 96, with nines of 45 and 51. I don't have my score card with me, but I know I had 3 pars and 1 quadruple bogie, and otherwise a mixture of bogies and doubles. I also remember that, on the front nine, I played the first three holes in seven-over par, and the last six in three-over. I think I used 38 putts. I walked the York Gary Loop about two hours later in 33:09. I do not have convenient Internet access there, but if, when I return—after this quick trip to Levy to let Pam, Sam, and Jo out for while and restock their food and water bowls, and take care of some minor business—I learn I face a more prolonged stay, I plan to make occasional trips to the Howard County Library to access it there.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Thursday) from A Different Closet
Lardner’s contempt for Ingram was fortified by each dead animal he passed, the multitude of farm-equipment establishments and prefabricated, metal luncheonettes with their flimsy signs advirtising hamburgers and blue-plate specials, all of which remained consistently intermittent into Arkansas, as the roads straightened and the earth flattened and the horizon extended further and further away, exposing endless fields of plowed dirt and tall grass and grazing cattle, through Corning and Pocahontas and Walnut Ridge, where Lardner at last stopped to dine at an old brick restaurant proclaiming itself to be, in neon and plastic, The Hob-Nob.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Wednesday) from A Different Closet
“I hope not; let’s see.” Shoemaker was already turning the chicken as fast as he could. “No, thank the Lord, this does not quite qualify as ‘burned.’ It is closer to what my mother once labeled, ‘very brown.’ There is some damage, but it’s primarily cosmetic. Here’s another secret, or perhaps an amendment to the previous. Once you apply the sauce, do not begin conversations involving politics or religion.”

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Tuesday) from A Different Closet
He knew his mechanical ineptitude left him unprepared for analysis or diagnosis, so, as always before, he attempted to employ his principal automotive creed, the one which stated, “Don’t worry, and why bother as long as the car is in motion?”

Levy Loop/Chandler Street Loop

I'm bummed that the Reds were swept by the Phillies (and have not yet found within me more than vague hints of happiness for anyone who cares for the Phillies), the NFL Packers lost in overtime (and their quarterback, also the DFL Packers quarterback, now has a goddam brain concussion), and that Na Yeon Choi once again buckled like a buckle under Sunday pressure. The DFL Packers won something like 90-65 to go to 3-2, and I walked and jogged the Levy Loop this morning in 26:51.

At 5:46 p.m. Central, it's 77, breezy, and dry as (I'm running out of these) Melba toast. I walked the Chandler Street Loop slowly enough to keep from sweating through blue jeans and a pink Polo shirt, in 48:02. It was a relaxing walk, perfectly pleasant. There were lots of people out, grills burning, dogs being walked, a good beer-on-the-front-porch day.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Throughout his writing career, Ingram had disliked the tedium of advance work—the repetitive interviews, the assembly-line reworking of angles offered by coaches and players and the heaped piles of statistical minutia, and was consequently pleased by its current absence; Karen Shoemaker would handle some of his workload, and others from the Morning Report sports staff the rest, as Ingram, with Bill Seale’s encouragement, proceeded on his course of renown.

OVERHEARD
"Merry Christmas, sir."
—a 10-year-old Latino boy on Emerson Drive. Don't fucking ask me, because I don't know

Kroger/Hash

Including the time spent going into Kroger to buy a box of Eggo Waffles, I walked for 41:33 this morning. I guess I went a little more than two miles.
I jogged for three minutes and walked for the next 34 minutes on Mike Wikeline's Hash run this evening from Cook's Landing, near the Big Dam Bridge.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram said he believed Shoemaker's god was no more than a variation of the lofty human idea maintained since before recorded history, merely an aspiration, or an abstract benchmark for the intrinsic meaningfulness of life; "My dad said, 'Keith, you do know Jesus died for you, don't you?' and Keith said, 'Yes, and I've always felt badly about that. He shouldn't have.' "

OVERHEARD*
"But, you know, I think about I have one more day for tomorrow, so I just try never gave up. And then just looking forward for tomorrow."
—Na Yeon Choi, after the third round of the Navistar Classic, which she completed tied for second, three strokes behind Cristie Kerr.
*the LPGA does not airbrush quotes, and to think, I spent twenty years turning, "Na, man, we ain't doin nuttin but like tryin to be out there and like, you know, tryin to win and shit, you know," to "We try to keep our goals simple."

Sweetheart Loop

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 43:58, with splits of 15:15, 14:30, and 14:13.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
After the apple pie, its crust sprinkled with pecan dust and buttered brown sugar, topped with slices of American cheese and vanilla ice cream, Green thought Lardner’s praise had been insufficient.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I think truth is an inner quality; it ain’t really transferable. Mine, yours, theirs, hell, they’s all different. I’ll tell you this. If you write about something, and someone who lived it tells you that you got it right, then you got lucky. I had a few people from those marches tell me I was close, but every time, every one of them, they all said, ‘But, here’s something you missed,’ or, ‘That was good, but you left this out.’ One guy said, ‘We wasn’t all marchin for freedom. I didn’t have anything else to do, and they was all them good lookin girls.’ I don’t think I put that in there anywhere. You could say I missed the truth, or skipped it, and, hell, they still gave me the goddam Pulitzer. Probably wouldn’t of got it if I’d of put god’s own truth in there about some guy marchin for pussy.”
—Bill Seale, in a converation with Bobby Green, from A Different Closet.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 29:45.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Elsie told him it was fifteen-thousand square feet, which meant nothing to Seale; all he knew was that it was big enough to get lost in, and that the whole time he was there, he was scared he might break something; and now, nearly forty years later, he lived in a house exactly like it, minus about eight-thousand square feet; his only duties were to build fires in the winter and to wipe up or mop whatever he spilled.

First Tee/Levy Loop

Here's a rarity. I got so busy this morning I forgot to report on my walk. Starting about 10 Central, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 34:55, burdened the last mile by a bout of hypoglycemia.

This afternoon I played First Tee from the middle tees with Randall Hunhoff in 47. I had 3 pars, 3 bogies, 1 double, and 2 triples. I used 20 putts, so I hit the ball pretty well, but, crap; I had two one-putt pars and a four-putt triple and a three-putt triple. Afterward, on the driving range, I met Mallory Fraiche (pronounced "fresh"), who made the best first impression in the history of first impressions, and is a month away from the LPGA Q-School.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
“Well, yeah, but that’s because the places you choose suck. I don’t want to eat at any restaurant where they think it’s a good idea to combine lettuce and fruit, or where half the plate has no fucking food on it.”

OVERHEARD
"I don't think people here understand how good they have it when it comes to golf."
—Mallory Fraiche, during a pause in practice to make the LPGA Tour

Levy Loop/First Tee

I jogged and walked the Levy Loop this morning in 24:59.

The Levy-Broadmoar Cup is back in Levy. I scored 47 from the middle tees at First Tee, with 4 pars, 2 bogies, and 3 triples. I used 16 putts. It's hard for me to brag, since Jeff Krupsaw said his recent onsets of Alzheimer's and Lou Gehrig's disease were responsible for his 56.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
This weathered old country scholar, seated in this cavernous, dimly lighted, unpretentiously glorious room, seemed perfect, exactly the man anyone would want as a father.

First Tee/Levy Loop

The courses at First Tee opened Monday after four weeks of greens repair. This afternoon I played the par-three course with Jeff and Jill Krupsaw in 33, with 4 pars, 4 bogeys, and 1 double. I then played the regular course from the middle tees in 51, with 3 pars, 3 doubles, and 3 triples. I used 16 putts. The greens are nice. I am whipped.

In fact, too whipped to do any more than walk the Levy Loop in 33:07.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Seale was pleased to learn Ingram shared his belief that instinct played no part, that successful handicapping wasn’t affected by intuitition, and that superstition was hogwash here and everywhere.

38th Street Loop/York Gary Loop

NASHVILLE—Someone in my mother's neighborhood has wireless, with "password" for their password. The signal is very weak, and perhaps, of course, temporary, but as I once heard a woman at Kentucky Downs say, "It beats better than nothing."

This morning, at about nine o'clock Central, I walked the 38th Street Loop in 31:20, and this evening, starting at about seven, I jogged the two-mile York Gary Loop in 21:09.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
A few liberals offered sympathy, but those capable of instituting change, in politics and the courts, were forever aware of their constituencies, and such accountablility demanded caution; the trick then, as always, was for someone or something to first convince the public that change was right and necessary and in their interest, and was, at best, their idea.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I jogged and walked the Maple Street Loop in 24:21. At 7:07 a.m. Central, it's 49 in Levy.

Late this afternoon, I ran non-stop for 24:24, rather quickly for some of it, so probably covered a little more than two miles of Finger Pickin' Good's Hash run.

Both Green Bay Packers won today, the DFL version with the chance to run up the score tonight, and things worked out in baseball so that the Reds will be forced to beat the holy living dog shit out of the Philadelphia Phillies, starting Wednesday. Oh well.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from a Different Closet
Lardner had researched Ingram enough to know he graduated from Henderson State, no more than an inconsequential state school, Lardner supposed, located in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, surely an inconsequential town, where Ingram had been an All-Arkansas Intercollegiate Conference point guard with a penchant for ball handling and long-range jump shots, qualities of no significance to SAGA.

38th Street Loop/Levy Loop

I jogged and walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 25:41. It was 50 degrees, and it's supposed to drop into the 40s tonight. I'll begin to complain about the cold shortly.

Starting at about 4:30 p.m. Central, I walked the Levy Loop in 30:43, and walked into my dry, cool house, with half the windows open, to see that San Diego led San Francisco 4-0 in the seventh inning, and that Atlanta and Philadelphia are tied 0-0 in the sixth. Here's what I need—either San Diego to win today and tomorrow, and Atlanta to lose at least one game in the next two days, or San Diego to win one game, and Atlanta to lose two. If either of those happen, then Cincinnati, the National League Central Division Champion Cincinnati Reds, will play San Francisco in the first round of the playoffs, rather than Philadelphia. Philadelphia is too fucking good. I think it will win the World Series. I would at least like the Reds to have a chance to make it to the National League Championship Series, which the won't if they start with Philadelphia, because Philadelphia is better than two motherfuckers.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
"AIDS now appears as an imminent threat to everyone," Green said. "We hope, when that truth is accepted, we will escape this discriminatory attitude which its proponents indeed endanger themselves by upholding."

Levy Loop/Chandler Street Loop

I noticed several days ago that it was warmer in Port Hawkesbury, Nova Scotia, than in Levy, but figured that was a weird, isolated event. I remember once or twice last winter when it was colder here than there. But, heck, it's been warmer there for nearly a week, including this morning, when it was 68 in Levy and 75 there. Crazy. I jogged and walked the Levy Loop this morning in 25:13.

I'm not sure when walks first began to please me. No. Wait. I do. Once, in a I believe 1984, I walked 8,000 meters, a few meters less than five miles, in a few seconds under an hour, meaning I averaged slightly less than twelve minutes a mile, around Razorback Track in Fayetteville. After that, though, maybe not until this year. This evening's is an example. I walked the Chandler Street Loop, starting at about six o'clock Central, in 43:53. It didn't feel like I was walking fast, so I was surprised to see the first mile go by in 14:41. It inspired me to keep splits. Fuck, I'm bragging about a fucking walk. The second mile split of 14:47 was tremendous, since it's as uphill as two motherfuckers. I got the third mile in 14:26. You know, I wonder, they do have race walking in the Senior Olympics.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram knew it was conjecture among horsemen, and members of the sports staff at the paper, but the few remarks he heard were akin to metaphorical winks, forgiving, accepting.

Foggy Mountain Drive Loop

ST. LOUIS—I jogged and walked the Foggy Mountain Drive Loop, starting at 7:15 a.m. Central, in 25:25.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He long ago jettisoned fear from his baggage, and thus would merely acknowledge the risk and proceed.

Foggy Mountain Drive Loop

ST. LOUIS—I jogged and walked the about two-mile Foggy Mountain Drive Loop 27:52, as a warmup for the St. Louis-Pittsburgh game this afternoon. I will attend with Jim, Karen, and Richard Perkins, and may now cheer for the Little Bitches, since the Reds clinched the National League Central Division championship last night.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ten hours of childlike excitement, tinged with the mild stress of unfamiliarity, gave way for Keith Ingram to Texas, where the Manhattan smells of salty exhaust, tobacco, and coffee were replaced by those of earth and cattle, blown across the Love Field rental lot on this day before Thanksgiving and a football game between Dallas and St. Louis.

OVERHEARD
"Who wants a beer besides me? Who's young enough to drink?
—beer vendor at Busch Stadium, during the bottom of the sixth inning of the Cardinals' 4-1 victory over Pittsburgh

Orange Street Loop

I walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 47:15.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Now he felt as he had at the local television studio in St. Louis the night before, intrigued by the backstage, the cameras, the lights, the crew, the slight panic all around, and Larry Moss in the middle of it, seemingly as comfortable as if he were seated in a lawn chair on his front porch.

Levy Loop

Wow, it's 53, seven degrees warmer than Port Hawkesbury, Nova Scotia. I wore a long sleeve shirt this morning for the first time since, I'm not sure, maybe March, as I jogged and walked the Levy Loop in 25:39.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from a Different Closet
Consequently, he was as relaxed as possible, after he walked several blocks, bought two hot dogs and a Sprite from a street vendor, and had read most of a story in Newsweek about the first Reagan-Gorbachev summit held a week earlier in Geneva, when from the lobby of Larry Moss’ office he heard a familiar voice say, “You’re Keith Ingram, aren’t you?”

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I hope fall started last night. I woke up cold this morning. Now, at 11:32 a.m. Central, it's 70. Weather.com predicts highs in the 70s for the next ten days, except for an 82 stuck in there for Thursday, I think. I jogged the Maple Street Loop in 21:19, with splits of 10:54 and 10:25, as a warmup for what I hope is a crushing victory for the Green Bay Packers (1-1) over Mudville Nine (1-1).

I walked and jogged for about 40 minutes on Bill Brass' Hash run in Burns Park this afternoon, covered about three miles, and arrived home to discover the Green Bay Packers trail Mudville Nine, 118-80. I will need a big performance by the the NFL's Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers tomorrow night to win.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
She—this teenager—had an air of someone long familiar with the moment; he thought she seemed to have developed an expertise about his concern, common to her, when she winked and said, “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”

Levy Loop

We had a burst of perfect weather this morning: an Internet site says it's 66, with a RealFeel® of 63. I walked the Levy Loop in 30:50.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
He waited in a room on a level large and dark enough to remind him of a parking garage; lights hung all around from the black ceiling twenty feet above; spaces were cordoned, and decorated in a half dozen ways; he was surrounded by stage sets he'd seen on television, placed in contexts he hadn’t conceived when he watched local programs on the station.

35th Street Loop

I walked and jogged the 35th Street Loop, as a warmup for the late game between the Reds and San Diego (motherfucker doesn't start until 9:10 Central) in 44:53, with splits of 10:20, 11:04, 11:27, and 12:02.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Everyone who first heard Seale, without forewarning, was stunned this celebrated writer and editor spoke such southern colloquialism, but he forever maintained his first defense: “This here's how my mom and dad talked, my brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, my cousins, and all the other grown ups and kids I growed up with, so this is how I talk; I learned how to write the right way when I was in college, and I know the dang difference.”

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this evening in 29:40.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Anyone who watched the tape saw a gay man knock out a professional football player with a one punch; Green wasn't sure how it would affect his cause, but for the moment at least imagined it would help.

Levy Loop/Orange Street Loop/Maple Street Loop

Last night, at about 10 Central, I ran the Levy Loop in 18:09, with splits of 9:23 and 8:46. That was after the Little Bitches lost to Pittsburgh and I watched the Reds beat Milwaukee, and before I spilled water onto my laptop. I heard it sizzle, and the screen faded to black. I called James Smith, a computer tech at the paper, and he told me what to do. I was delighted when this morning it came right on.

This morning I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 36:19, with splits of 12:34, 12:14, and 11:31.

Starting at about 6 p.m. Central, I walked the Maple Street Loop in 31:04.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Wednesday) from A Different Closet
The enormous glass doors slid open as Ingram approached, and he walked through into the dark gray of late afternoon and a life he never imagined.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY (for Tuesday) from A Different Closet
Lockwood sensed a difference in Carmichael upon their reunion, a growth in maturity perhaps, a calmer, less reactive personality, but feared Carmichael’s dormant trait was poised for reemergence.

38th Street Loop/Maple Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:06.

Tonight, starting at about 8:30 Central, I walked the Maple Street Loop in 29:36.

The Cardinals lost 4-0 in Miami this afternoon; the Reds won 5-2 in Milwaukee a few minutes ago, so their magic number is six (meaning, from this point forward, if or when Reds' victories and/or Cardinals losses total six, the Reds will be National League Central Division champions. The Reds have 11 games to play, the Cardinals 13). It's pretty hard to blow a seven-game lead in 11 games.

SENTENCE OF THE DAY from A Different Closet
Ingram felt relief, a small drop in tension with the sound of Lockwood’s voice, but wariness persisted and increased as Carmichael stepped toward him, their chests now a foot apart.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 30:03, trying to decide whether to start the St. Louis Rams' Mark Clayton or the New York Giants' Hakeem Nicks at wide receiver for the Democrat Football League's Green Bay Packers.

We ran Hash from the Emo Girl Skateboard Park on the North Little Rock side of the Arkansas River. I walked and jogged to Fort Roots, then jogged across the golf course and down the winding road back to the park, was out for 49:55, and probably covered a little over three miles.

The NFL's Green Bay Packers beat the cow shit out of the Buffalo Bills. The DFL team owned by Jeff Krupsaw is in the process of beating the cow shit out of our league's Green Bay Packers. Fuck.

Levy Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 33:56.

Starting at about 7:30 p.m., I jogged the first mile of the Orange Street Loop in 11:38, but my legs felt awful, so I walked and jogged the second mile in 12:57 and then quit to complete two-thirds of the loop in 24:35.

Oh well. The St. Louis Little Bitches lost.

38th Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 31:33.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 32:54.

After making a profit of $8.92 at Oaklawn Park on a trip with Tim Cooper, I walked the Levy Loop this evening, starting at about 5:30 Central, in 31:30.

Levy Loop/North Little Rock High

I walked the Levy Loop at noon in 30:45.

I walked and jogged a mile and then ran 8X200 meters with one-minute, 100 walks between. I did not look at my watch except to time the intervals, and hoped to get them under 60 seconds while meeting Kirk Elias' "comfortably fatigued" standard. I met it, but was a bit disappointed after I read my times: 64.5, 66.0, 63.1, 63.3, 64.6, 63.8, 64.2, and 63.0.

Sweetheart Loop/War Memorial Golf Course

My legs were tired this morning. I should have walked one of my two-mile loops. Instead, I walked the Sweetheart Loop in 46:44.

The Green Bay Packers defeated The 546 Possee, 146.07-122.67. Possee would have beaten any other DFL team. K-Squad, owned by Tim Williams, a clerk in photography, beat somebody and scored the league's third-most points and is ranked second with 117.99. I got lucky. I had two guys score three touchdowns each. We play Krup's Kids, our arch rival, next Sunday and Monday. Krup's team is led by Darren McFadden, the motherfucker for whom I sacrificed the entire 2007 season, who stunk his first two seasons with the Packers, and only now has begun to look like the superstar I went in the tank for. Krupsaw and McFadden. Fuck them both.

Man, I am hungry. Krupsaw beat me 91-93 to win back the Broadmoar-Levy cup at War Memorial Golf Course. I'm about to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries and watch the Reds beat the crap out of the Arizona Diamondbacks. I wish I lived in Nova Scotia. I had 1 birdie, 2 pars, 5 bogies, 6 doubles, 3 triples, and 1 quadruple. I am exhausted.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 29:47.

The NFL's Green Bay Packers defeated the Philadelphia Eagles, 27-20, in Philadelphia yesterday. The Democrat Football League's Green Bay Packers hold a 129.74-116.88 lead over The 546 Posse, owned by Mike Livengood. We each have one player left. I have Kansas City running back Jamaal Charles, and Mike has San Diego receiver Malcom Floyd. Yahoo projects Charles to score 11.9 points, and Floyd 7.15. Whichever team wins our game will almost certainly complete the first week ranked No. 1, since the most points scored by any of the other 14 teams was 117.99. Since the DFL was formed, in 1997, Green Bay has never been ranked No. 1. The Kansas City-San Diego game starts at 9:15 p.m. Central.

Tonight, starting at about 8 o'clock, I ran the Levy Loop in 18:41, with splits of 9:31 and 9:10, fast for me.

OVERHEARD
"We heard all offseason that our running game wasn't efficient. You can either let it get to you, or let it get in you, and I feel like we let it get in us, and we used it."
—Houston Texans and Green Bay Packers running back Arian Foster, who rushed for a Texans-record 233 yards and 3 touchdowns. Foster's yards were the second most by an NFL running back in a season opener, to O.J. Simpson's 250 in 1973. Simpson later became famous for converting human beings into Pez Dispensers

Levy Loop

It's drier and cooler this morning, under 70. I walked the Levy Loop in 31:25, and am hopeful both Green Bay Packers organizations win today.

Orange Street Loop

I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop this evening in 38:28, with splits of 13:13, 13:06, and 12:09.

The Pittsburgh pitcher, off whom Joey Votto hit a 10th-inning home run in Cincinnati, was cool. I don't think I have seen this before; he didn't turn to watch the ball. He looked at Votto, standing like a statue as the fireworks started, and then just walked off the mound. The Reds have a seven-game lead with 20 left.

38th Street Loop/33rd Street Loop

The hints of fall I wrote of a couple of weeks ago have been replaced by hints of summer, the kind that come in late spring and inspire me to say things like, "Well, you know, it ain't gonna get any better." It's 88 degrees with a heat index of 99 at noon Central. I walked and jogged the 38th Street Loop in 26:52.

Tonight, after the Reds' 12th-inning victory over Pittsburgh gave them a six-game lead with 21 to go, I jogged the three-mile version of the 33rd Street Loop in 32:04, with splits of 10:54, 10:34, and 10:36.

War Memorial Golf Course/Orange Street Loop

Randall Hunhoff and I played War Memorial Golf Course this afternoon; I scored an 87, with nines of 46 and 41. That's not as good as it sounds; the course is par-64, so probably worth about a 95 from the middle tees at First Tee. I had 6 pars, 4 bogies, 5 doubles, and 3 triples, and used 36 putts. We played the last three holes through heavy, wind-strewn rain. My score was 12 strokes better than the last time I played War Memorial, with Jeff Krupsaw last summer.

After I saw that the Reds lost, and watched the Cardinals win and New Orleans Saints defensive lineman Will Smith score zero points for the Green Bay Packers, I walked and jogged—for no more than six or seven minutes—the Orange Street Loop in 40:18.

OVERHEARD
"There is always a balance between rights and the sensibility of acting upon them."
—Tariq Ramadan

York Gary Loop/Chandler Street Loop

Last night, after dark in Nashville, I walked and jogged the York Gary Loop in 26:36.

This evening, starting at about 6 p.m. Central, I walked the Chandler Street Loop in 43:21, by far my freshest feeling walk since last winter.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 30:14.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 29:10.

This evening I jogged and walked, at first with Tiny Tim Biggs and Reverend Bob, later with Bob alone, on a Hash run way out in west Little Rock. We got a little lost and were out for 1:11:48. We might have gone five miles, probably a few yards less.

Paper Route/Orange Street Loop

I walked a kind of random loop this morning that passed close to the former Walmart building and included a stop to buy a newspaper from a sidewalk kiosk in front of Kroger. It took me 31:27, so I guess it's close to two miles. I left my house at about 9 a.m. Central, when it was 66 degrees, breezy, diamond bright, and dry as straight gin.

Tonight, starting at about 8 o'clock, I ran the Orange Street Loop in 31:09, with splits of 10:57, 10:32, and 9:40.

OVERHEARD
"Are you exercising?"
—six-year-old boy, who looked like a subject of a Norman Rockwell portrait, in the dirt-poor neighborhood behind Kroger

Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 32:10.

Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop, starting at about 9 a.m. Central, in 31:23, through a constant drizzle.

Chandler Street Loop/Ghetto Cat Loop

I walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 46:20.

Starting at about 5 o'clock, I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 34:01 and didn't feel well. I might eat a little more tonight.

Levy Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 31:00.

This evening, starting at about 8:15 Central, I jogged the Levy Loop in 20:48, with splits of 10:48 and 10:00. I ran the last 400 meters in 1:50, so I guess at that point I was running (I decided I wanted to break 21 minutes, an earmark of greatness among Levy runners). Cincinnati turned a 5-3 lead to 8-3 while I was out, and won, 8-4. Houston defeated St. Louis, 3-0, so the Reds have a seven-game lead and are currently within a half game of San Diego and the best record in the National League. I guess this proves anything can happen, doesn't it Natalie?

Orange Street Loop/Maple Street Loop

I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop this morning in 39:17, with splits that border irrelevancy of 12:54, 13:03, and 13:20.

For the first time this season, I think, I walked in the middle of a Reds game. They were tied with the Milwaukee Brewers 3-3 when I left. Now it's 4-4 in the bottom of the eighth. St. Louis trails Houston 3-0 in the eighth, so Cincinnati has a chance to go up six games. My legs felt light and fluid, almost youthful, as I walked the Maple Street Loop in 28:43. Maybe—I hope—I'll feel like running tomorrow night. We'll see.

Sweetheart Loop/Hash

I walked the Sweetheart Loop this morning in 46:45.

We ran Hash from a spot near Cajun's Wharf, just to the south of a Cantrell Avenue overpass at the base of Stifft Station. I jogged and walked with Basil Julian and, for a while, Eleanor, for 57 minutes to complete about four miles.

Levy Loop/Maple Street Loop

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop this morning in 29:22. My legs felt particularly dead, which I think is attributable to my drinking enough beer at the Travs game last night to yell at John Kelly to shut up, that I've eaten corn dogs since 1966 and therefore think I know how to ram a foot-long corn dog down my fucking throat. It might also have been the golf, or perhaps the corn dog itself.

I walked the Maple Street Loop, starting at about 5 p.m. Central, in 33:12. It was breezy and 92, with a heat index of 97.

Maple Street Loop/First Tee

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 32:09.

I scored a 90 at First Tee this afternoon from the middle tees, with nines of 44 and 46. I had 4 pars (on Nos. 6, 7, and 9 on the first nine, and 7 on the second), 10 bogies, and 4 doubles (2 and 4 on the first nine, and 1 and 2 on the second). I used 34 putts. It was a cool 90, and I was dry when I finished. I had to par No. 9 to break 90, but hit two inches behind the ball and it stopped five yards short of the women's box. I bogeyed from there with a gap wedge to 20 feet.

The Reds won tonight, looked great, but I fell to 0-3 after 11-game streaks in Beat the Streak. Darn.

38th Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 32:13.

For the first time since May, I stepped out of my house at night and felt air cooler outside than in, and then jogged the Orange Street Loop in 33:24, with splits of 11:59, 11:12, and 10:14. It's 71 at 10:04 Central. My windows are open. Weather.com predicts a low of 60; I might need a blanket.

Miguel Cabrera waited until the ninth inning to get a hit for Detroit and me, thus extending my Beat the Streak run to a PR-tying 11, one away from Kim Manning the rock star, two from Give Me an 'O,' and six from Z Man. I watched it on my front porch and did a Woods first pump, before I filed this report to consequently doom my chance to advance.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this morning in 33:59.

The Reds won, the Little Bitches lost, and I walked the Levy Loop tonight in 30:57.

38th Street Loop/Orange Street Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop a couple of hours ago in 29:53 and the weather was perfect, 70 degrees and drier than a slice of turkey breast pulled from the refrigerator on Heidi's birthday.

This evening, starting at about 8:15 Central, I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 37:39, with splits of 12:45, 12:43, and 12:11, sat on the porch to let the ever-so slight sweat evaporate, and then sat on my couch in time to see the Little Bitches load the bases at Pittsburgh in the bottom of the ninth with two outs, trailing 4-3, and Felipe Lopez ( a South American third baseman, I think) pop out to short to give the Reds a three game lead, and a chance to increase it to three and a half if the kid from Bryant, Travis Wood, can shut down the Giants starting in about five minutes.

Levy Loop/Maple Street Loop

Man, the speed. I walked the Levy Loop this morning in 29:41.

No Arkansas August in my experience has passed without at least hints of fall, including—after tonight—this one. I planned to walk the Maple Street Loop, but the air felt dry and comfortable and I probably jogged close to a quarter of a mile to complete the loop in 26:56. Granted, it is 85 degrees at 8:36 p.m. Central, but there is no humidity, and I could smell fall, way off. Now I'll fry chicken gizzards and okra and watch the Reds beat the Giants.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop tonight in 31:23, and was pleased today to see the Reds win and Na Yeon Choi finish tied for second in the Safeway Classic. I didn't know there were still Safeway stores.* There was one in Anchorage back in 1965, I remember.

*Oh. Now I know Safeways are all over the west, and rank third nationally to Walmart Super Center and Krogers. They used to have quite a few in Arkansas and the Little Rock metro but left ten or 15 years ago

Levy Loop/First Tee

I walked the Levy Loop, starting at about 6 a.m. Central, in 30:37.

All right, no kidding, this time, by god, I fucking mean it. No more golf until I can play without going through three shirts and nine gloves for nine holes. Steve and I finished all square with Randal and Phil. No one played particularly well, but I was clearly the worst, with a 52 from the back at First Tee. I had 6 bogies, 2 triples, and 1 quadruple. Now it's a little past noon and I am whipped, after the Reds kept me up last night until midnight:30 with their 3-1 victory over the Dodgers, the Los Angeles Dodgers.

First Tee/Sweetheart Loop

Okay, it's too hot to golf. My plan was to hit a bucket of balls and go home. But Steve Beetsra showed up at about 11 a.m. Central, and asked if I wanted to play. I should have said no. We played from the back at First Tee and I scored a 48, with 1 par, 4 bogeys, and 4 doubles. I think Steve, who's good (knows how to make the ball spin back toward the pin, plays with $4 Taylormade balls and hardly ever loses one), scored a 38. I will play again tomorrow, at 8 a.m., with Steve, Phil Martin, and Randal Hunhoff. Steve suggested he and I play Randal and Phil in best-ball match play, Steve and Phil from the back, Randal and I from the middle, with cold bottles of Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper on the line. Regular Arkansas heat, no problem, but this shit's killing me. I think there's a very good chance I'll be dead by Labor Day (to be truthful, I'd recommend the over, but I think you know what I mean).

It's cooled to 90 degrees at 8:31 p.m. Fuck. I walked and jogged the Sweetheart Loop with a late burst to finish in 39:53. The San Francisco Giants lead the Little Bitches 5-1 in the seventh inning. I now will fry catfish and then sit back to watch, hopefully, the Reds start to show the Los Angeles Dodgers what the final three games of a nine-game winning streak look like. I can't wait to listen to Vin Scully, and hear him say, in his impenetrable Brooklyn accent, "And, goodness, the Cardinals, the St. Louis Cardinals, have lost their fifth consecutive game. Brandon Philips can take a bit of solace after the St. Louis players reacted with such vehement anger to his perhaps accurate designation of them as the 'Little Bitches.' Little Bitches indeed. ...And Philips is at the plate, an All-Star this season for the Reds, the Cincinnati Reds, the four-game leaders of the National League Central."

OVERHEARD

"After I see people dying all around me almost every day, I'm not going to let a bad shot bother me too much. I feel fortunate to be out here hitting bad shots, you know."
—Steve Beetstra as he raked a sand trap on No. 6 at First Tee

"Me too."
—60-year-old produce man at Kroger's, after he gave me 4064 as the code for local tomatoes, and I said, 'I can remember that. Gale Sayers, Jerry Kramer.' He chuckled and said, 'Man, you're old school,' and I said, 'Yes.'

Oaklawn Park

HOT SPRINGS — I took a break from betting races simulcasted from Louisiana Downs and Saratoga Race Course, at Oaklawn Park, to walk for 33:08, north and south on Central Avenue. I won a net of $16.60. My beef allergy has returned.

OVERHEARD
"They say you'll get used to this heat, but I never have. The same people tell me I'm in my 'golden years,' and that's a crock of shit, too. I can't see, I can't hear, and I can't remember anything. 'Golden years' my ass."
—Oaklawn Park shuttle cart driver

Fort Roots/Maple Street Loop

Justin and I won the Fort Roots Wednesday-night Scramble this evening with a 1-under 34. I think we each would have broken 40. We started on No. 6 and were one-over with three holes to play. I hit the green from the back tees with a 5-hybrid on No. 3 and Justin sunk a 25-foot putt for birdie. We parred No. 4. On No. 5, I hit a perfect fade with my driver that rolled down the hill and stopped 20 yards from the pin. Justin chipped to six feet; my putt hit a weed patch a foot from the hole that turned it in for a birdie. We each won a net of $13.

It clouded over late, turned windy and cool, so was comfortable as I walked the Maple Street Loop in 31:01. It's 8:26 p.m. Central. The Reds and Arizona begin play at 8:40. The St. Louis Little Bitches lost their fourth consecutive game this afternoon; if the Reds win tonight, they will have a three-game lead. I hope to stay awake to see it.

I did. The Reds trailed 7-3 after seven innings, but scored four runs in the eighth and ninth to win, 11-7.

First Tee/35th Street Loop

I was waiting for the gate to open at First Tee at 7:30 this morning, not that I really needed to beat the heat. Now, at 1:18 p.m. Central, it's 91 with heat index of 96, relatively pleasant for mid-August. I played the long course from the back tees in 47, again with 2 pars, 5 bogeys, and 2 triples. Last Saturday I parred Nos. 2 and 7, and tripled 4 and 5. This morning I parred 5 and 8, and tripled 2 and 6. On No. 2, I was 140 yards away with two three-woods, but behind the tree in the right rough. You know the one; it's about 75 yards short of the hole. I didn't figure my pitching wedge could go 140, but I couldn't hit a nine-iron high enough. I hit my pitching wedge over the tree, 136 yards into the right front sand trap. So I'm there in three. I hit out and way over, flubbed my pitch short, chipped on, and two putted from six feet for a triple. Later, on the driving range (it was pleasant enough to hit balls after I played), I was hitting eight irons 150 yards and leaving PGA-style divots past the ball. This grandfather said, "Look at the way he's hitting down on the ball, Stephanie." That was the most pressure i have ever felt while golfing. I hit about eight feet behind the ball on my next shot, turned and said, "Did you see the way I hit down on that one, Stephanie?" I did, however, after she and her grandfather laughed, knock the dog meat out of the next one, and then started hitting three-woods.

Tonight, starting at about 7:30 Central, I jogged the 35th Street Loop in 43:43, with splits of 11:20, 11:01, 11:15, and 10:07.

Camp Clearfork

CRYSTAL SPRINGS — I walked and jogged for 48:08 yesterday morning to cover a little over three miles on the Hangover Hash Run at Camp Clearfork.

This afternoon I jogged and walked the Orange Street Loop in 36:43.

OVERHEARD
"Shit, I'll tell you what, I agree with Rockamundo. She's a beautiful motherfucker."
—Gary "DNR" Criglow, speaking of Melissa, the daughter of Preparation H (one of the cooks from Virginia), who Kayce Hall pointed out to me after saying, "I thought about you as soon as I saw her. She epitomizes petepretty."

First Tee/Maple Street Loop

I played First Tee this morning with Phil Martin, from the back tees, in 47, with 2 pars, 5 bogies and 2 triples. I used 17 putts.

This afternoon I took a break from the PGA Championship to walk the Maple Street Loop in 35:31. According to weather.com it's 100 with a 111 heat index. Its predicts tomorrow's high at 102, followed by highs of 96, 93, 88, and 87 through Thursday. Is this ridiculous weather near its end? On the other hand, one of the announcers just said Nick Watney is "red hot," and, fuck, he's five-under par for the day. I struggle when I try to play while red hot. I guess pros know how to adjust.

Sweetheart Loop

Ed Buckner, the Channel 11 weatherman, said Sunday that no Arkansas summer, defined as June 1 through August 31, has to this point had a higher average temperature than this one. We've had plenty of summers with more days over 100. The trouble this summer has been with the temperatures at night. For example, tonight, at 9:31 Central, it's 89. I was soaked after I jogged and ran the Sweetheart Loop in 38:03. This will not be nice tomorrow night in a cabin at Camp Clearfork, unless I decide to drink like two motherfuckers to the point of numbness. I might just show up Sunday morning, or not show up at all and stay here to watch the last round of the PGA Championship live, instead of on my VCR, for the first time since 2007. We'll see.

I will go to bed in a few minutes wondering whether I will get up in time to play First Tee from the back tees by 7:30 a.m. Central.

First Tee/Chandler Street Loop

It's 98 with a heat index of 110, but I managed to play nine holes at First Tee and finish feeling pretty good. I sat in shade for exactly five minutes between each hole through No. 6. I felt good enough to play without an interruption after I completed No. 7. It took me two hours and 32 minutes. I scored a 46, with 2 pars, 4 bogeys, and 3 doubles. I used 17 putts.

After watching the PGA Championship, I walked the Chandler Street Loop in 44:12.

Levy Loop

Yesterday morning was the muggiest in Levy history. This morning was not, but, after having showered and dressed, remaining sweat-free required I take 37:26 to walk the Levy Loop; I was consequently dry for the beginning of my trip with dad to his VA back specialist in Poplar Bluff, Mo. (where I'm sure fans still are celebrating the Little Bitches' 8-4 victory over the Reds from last night).

47th Street Loop

Starting at a little after five o'clock this morning, I jogged and walked the 47th Street Loop in 36:56. I jogged the first two miles in 11:48 and 11:10, but felt kind of clunky and was a bit bothered by the 96-degree heat index, so I slowed to complete the third mile in 13:57. Before today, I last ran the 47th Street Loop on March 25, 2009.

I was at Burns Park to practice pitching and chipping by about 6:45 a.m. Central. The large number of cars in the lot, indicative of golfers set to beat the heat, surprised me. They could not have come early enough, short of arriving last Friday morning. I was too wet to continue by about 7:30.

Maple Street Loop

I thought it would be the end of the world if the Reds lost to the Cardinals. What do you fucking know? After watching St. Louis win 7-3, and eating beans and squash and salmon at the Zaloudek's, I walked the Maple Street Loop in 29:41.

Maple Street Loop

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:55, to warm up for what I hope are a Reds victory over the Cubs, and a Florida Marlins victory over the Cardinals. The Reds will host the Cardinals in a three-game series beginning tomorrow, and I would love for them to start it with a 2 1/2-game lead.

35th Street Loop

After the Reds defeated the Cubs, 4-3, and the Florida Marlins beat the St. Louis Cardinals, 5-4, and the Reds took a 1 1/2-game lead over St. Louis, I jogged and walked the 35th Street Loop in 49:11. It was only 83 degrees when I started, so nearly cool.

First Tee/Orange Street Loop

It was under 90 during all of the Broadmoor-Levy Cup this morning. I played in a parka, and won the Cup back with a 48 to Krupsaw's 50. I had 1 par, 5 bogeys, 2 doubles, and 1 triple, and used 18 putts. Two three-woods put me within 50 yards on No. 8. I bladed a sand-wedge into the woods, chipped out, chipped over, chipped back, and two putted for a triple bogey. By then I was so cold I couldn't feel my hands. It was probably 85. Now I will bundle up in an electric blanket and watch the Reds beat the holy living cow fuck out the Cubs.

It rained in Levy through the last several innings of the Reds' 3-0 victory. The temperature dropped further, and it was at 79 when I stepped in from walking the Orange Street Loop in 46:19.

Chandler Street Loop

Wow, I left Hot Springs at about 2:45 p.m. Central, when NPR said it was 103 in Little Rock. As I drove out of Benton on I-30, there were dark clouds ahead. Trees started bending. I saw lightning. Soft rain fell and it's now 80 degrees. I walked and jogged the Chandler Street Loop in 38:40. It hasn't been below 80 in over a week, but weather.com says it will get to 78 tonight, with a high tomorrow of 92. I hope I can golf with my Ben Hogan swing in the morning and not feel silly.

First Tee/Levy Loop

It's silly I golfed, or at least that I waited until 10:30 a.m. to start. I hit half a bucket of balls at First Tee, walked into the clubhouse and read the paper, hit the other half, walked back in, changed shirts, then played the par-3 course. I sat in the shade for four minutes between holes, and drank a shit load of water after Holes 1, 4, and 7. I played balls from the boys' tees, in 36, and girls', in 34, or a total of 70. I had 7 pars, 6 bogeys, and 5 doubles, and used 38 putts.

It's 101 at 5:09 p.m. Central. I walked the Levy Loop in 32:44.

OVERHEARD
"Good. If you did I would've called 911."
—maintenance man at First Tee, after he saw me lying flat on my back in shade by the No. 7 tee box, parked his cart nearby, and watched me smile and sit up to say, "I don't feel nearly as bad as I look."

"What do you think would happen if we just filled it up with a bunch of mud?"
"I don't know, but we gotta try something before dad gets home."
—the two kids from whom BP derived their most recent relief effort

Ghetto Cat Loop/38th Street Loop

Levy is a scene from a climate-change movie; there are limbs and twigs and dried green leaves spread across yards and the streets. A huge tree is on top of the house at 812 33rd Street. The house looked awful, almost gross, like a hobo with a hatchet in his head. There's a truck at the top of the Orange Street hill grinding up a stack of branches. And it's 104 degrees, with a RealFeel® of 110. I walked the Ghetto Street Loop in 32:36 and decided there's no fucking way I'm going to join Randall Hunhoff for a round of the par-three course.

After learning the Miss Target Pageant is much more competitive than its Walmart equivalent, I walked the 38th Street Loop in 29:54. At 5:08 p.m. Central, it's 105, but the heat index has plummeted to 107. It's a little breezy out, too, and felt more comfortable than four hours ago. The Reds won last night, the Cardinals lost, so the Reds are back in first, and an Indian, or Pakistanian, or Bangladeshian girl is the new Miss Target.

Ghetto Cat Loop/Levy Loop

It may be too late, considering whatever my behavior through 51 and a half years have reduced me to, but I have begun an attempt to improve my heat tolerance. Furthermore, the attempt may end at the beginning. I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop this afternoon, beginning at about 1:15 p.m., with the temperature and heat index at 100 and 110, respectively, in 31:30. Earlier I broke a sweat hitting five 7-irons into my backyard net. Heck, it's too hot for the cats. All three are inside.

I walked the Levy Loop, starting at 5 p.m. Central, in 29:07. About 15 minutes into my walk, rain started to fall, increasing from a light sprinkle to a wind-strewn, thunder-swept, scary torrent by 5:30. It rained until 7. Power was out in Levy until 8. My neighbors and I walked into our yards to ask, "Is your electricity off?" I drove on F Street in Park Hill and saw a light pole blown down, and a tree fallen across someone's Ford pickup. I was happy to see when the lights came on that the Reds led the Pirates, 3-0.

Maple Street Loop/Hash

I walked the Maple Street Loop this morning in 31:14.

This evening I got lost while walking with a relatively new Hasher named Elenor, and we were out for an hour and twenty minutes, so probably covered about five miles.

OVERHEARD
"Katherine Hull, a person of faith, takes her religion very seriously, attends Bible study, faced with 126 yards into the eighth green."
—announcer at the British Open on Hull, in second place. Na Yeon Choi was, at that time, tied for fourth ("Na Yeon Choi, if were only more attractive as measured by contemporary standards, or American, or perhaps larger breasted, would likely be a figure of considerable interest in this game, simple as that, truly, looks to advance her streak of first- and second-place finishes to four, faced with this very tricky six-foot putt to save her par.")

Ghetto Cat Loop/Orange Street Loop

It's 89 at 9:51 a.m. Central, with a RealFeel® of 98, a warm Saturday morning even by Levy's standard. I walked the Ghetto Cat Loop in 32:20.

It was 94 at 8:15 p.m. when I started my walk of the Orange Street Loop, completed in 44:37. On today's Levy sports front, the Reds defeated the Braves 5-2. It was their first game nationally televised by a major network since, shit, maybe 1995; Na Yeon Choi improved from a tie for 22nd to a tie for 10th in the British Open. The neighborhood's excited. I noticed large parties on Orange, Maple, and Hillside as I walked this evening.

OVERHEARD
"Where'd you go?"
"Round the block. You got a problem with that?"
"You're a liar. That's what I got a problem with."
—conversation between a man and woman on 33rd Street this morning, after the man parked his pickup in the front yard

First Tee/Chandler Street Loop

Granted, this is easier said than done, but I will try to not golf until the weather breaks. It's too hard for me to play dripping wet. I played okay, sunk some long putts (six feet for par on No. 2 and 28 feet for par on No. 3), but my clubs were slipping, nothing was dry, and, after a 7:45 a.m. start, it was getting hotter by the second. I scored a 45, with 2 pars, 6 bogeys, and 1 triple, and used 16 putts.

The Reds trailed the Braves 4-3 after seven innings. They scored three in the bottom of the third to take a 3-1 lead and then didn't do dick, so I decided to shake things up by jogging and walking the Chandler Street Loop, which I completed in 38:43. Joey Votto hit a home run in the bottom of the eighth and the score is now 4-4 in the top of the 10th with two outs and goddamned Braves on first and second. Maybe I should go run some more.

38th Street Loop/Levy Loop

I walked the 38th Street Loop this morning in 30:36.

This evening, starting at about 8:30 Central, I walked the Levy Loop in 29:53. My legs felt a bit energetic; If only they feel like that in the morning, when I hope to play 18 holes at First Tee, as early as possible, before the heat index tops 110.

Levy Loop/Fort Roots

I walked and jogged the Levy Loop at noon Central in 28:19. Yesterday I hit my right knee with the heel of my putter and it hurt a little when I jogged.

My driver was a bit off in the Fort Roots two-man scramble this evening, but everything else worked fine. I hit one great drive, on No. 5, where my fade past the tree on the right rolled to within 40 yards. I followed with a pitch shot, using the 60-degree wedge Chris gave me two and a half years ago, to about three inches; fuck, it looked like it was going to roll in for eagle. Justin and I finished four-over and out of the money.

Chandler Street Loop/First Tee

I jogged and walked the Chandler Street Loop this morning in 37:22. It was under 80 degrees. This could be a decent day for golf.

But it wasn't. It was way too hot. I played nine holes at First Tee in 45, with 4 pars, 1 bogey, and 4 doubles. I used 18 putts. I then played all but the first hole of the Par-3 course with Jeff, Jill, and Kimmy Krupsaw. I had four pars and four bogeys.

Levy Loop

I watched the Reds lose to Milwaukee tonight, and then I walked the Levy Loop in 31:06.

Hash

The Hash ran from Two Rivers Park. It wasn't quite as hot as the last time I was there, when I was picked up and driven to the finish by someone driving a convertible Jeep, but it was nearly as humid. I walked with Tiny Tim Biggs for 48 minutes, almost exactly three miles.

York Gary Loop/Old Centerpoint Road/Nashville Country Club

NASHVILLE — Last night, at about 9:30 Central, I walked and jogged the York Gary Loop in 27:12. This morning, at about 6:30, I jogged and walked three miles out and back on Old Centerpoint Road in 35:54.

This morning and afternoon I played Nashville Country Club with my cousin Crutch; I scored 102, and Crutch 104. I had 2 pars, 6 bogeys, 5 doubles, and 5 triples. I used 36 putts. My short game stunk; this deficiency was evident from the start. The first hole is a 219-yard par-3, fucking ridiculous. After losing sleep over my opening tee shot in front of a bunch of members, I hit a three-wood pin-high, 15 yards left. Great. I pitched over, stubbed a chip, and two-putted from 15 feet for a double. Twice on par-4s I was within 20 yards in two and scored sevens. I once four putted from the fringe. I missed 3 three-foot putts. My driver, three-, and five-woods worked great, and I finished two-over for the last three holes, so, overall, I am happy, and sunburned. Heck, I am temporarily back to mediocre. Crutch and I had a hoot.

First Tee

I played nine holes at First Tee this morning, with Randall Hunhoff and Steve Beetstra, the dentist friend of Randall's I played with several times in 2008, and scored a 44, with 2 pars, 6 bogeys, and 1 double. I used 16 putts. I parred No. 8 for the first time in a couple of years, with two three-woods, a 52-degree wedge, a putt from the fringe, and a five-footer. My 44 was 18 strokes better than my last nine with Randall, 10 days ago. Read Ben Hogan's Five Lessons and ask what the Port Hawkesbury track coach thinks about it.

Crutch Aikman and I are about to drive to Nashville, where tomorrow morning we will play the Nashville Country Club.

First Tee/Sweetheart Loop

Golf is a lot more fun when none of, rather than all of, your shots land 30 yards left of the green. I hit a bucket of balls, and then played a loop of the First Tee par-3 course, hitting balls from the boys' and girls' tees. I played each in six-over 33. I had 1 birdie, 5 pars, 11 bogeys, and 1 double. I used 37 putts.

I just walked in from walking and jogging the Sweetheart Loop in 37:30. It is 97. Fuck.

Busch Stadium/Levy Loop/Fort Roots

ST. LOUIS — Last evening I walked for about 35 minutes over much of Busch Stadium, after losing $40 at Fairmount Park in Collinsville, Ill., and before watching the Cardinals defeat Philadelphia, 7-1.

Today, starting at about 1:15 p.m. Central, I jogged and walked the Levy Loop in 28:05. It is 95 degrees, with a RealFeel® of 105. This evening I might introduce my new Ben Hogan swing to the Fort Roots two-man, Wednesday night scramble.

It took me a few holes. A big, friendly guy named Jimmy and I scored a quadruple bogey on No. 9, our first hole at Fort Roots. I can't explain it. We played our last holes in five-over; so, the first hole in four-over, and the final eight in a total of five-over. Overall, I played well, and relative to my recent 62s at First Tee, fucking great. The highlight came on No. 7, the Par 5, when we played my 260-yard drive, my 6-iron from 150 to 15 feet right of the pin, and my eagle putt that missed by a foot.

OVERHEARD

"I just paid $32 for four beers. I'd be pissed if I had to pay $32 for a fucking thirty-pack."

—young man at Busch Stadium before the St. Louis Cardinals' 7-1 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies. Tim Cooper and I later saw 30-packs of Keystone and Keystone Ice on sale at a minimart for $13.99